Rereading George Martin famous 4 part series more than ten years later. Some of it I do remember. It's guilty escapist pleasure like Robin Hobb but also interesting for thinking about memory.
From it:
"Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it."
But I'm not an entomologist!
Bugs are hard truths.
Minature horrors all around us, that we don't quite really register just how awful they are. I dream of an utopia, of everyone being on the same side, not against each other, not a world where even altruism is thought of in how useful it is for one group to defeat another. ("Altruistic groups defeat selfish groups...", actual quote from some sort of scientist praising altruism.) I dream of a world without bugs... Without nature... Without lions killing antelope... Without capitalism. Without nuclear families.
Remember as a child a magazine with microscope pictures of bugs. Was hard to look at. Worse is video of such a thing. And much, much worse still, at least was to me 7 years ago, was it being right there in front of you, alive, just you and the bug alone with a microscope. Too awful then. Such an awful truth. Couldn't stand to look it in the face. To stare closely into its face. Without a high powered microscope they're really too small to see their faces clearly. With it, what a fucking horror.
Or I suppose. I couldn't actually do it. Got it all set up, but couldn't look through the microscope at it.
It's not that such things are symbolic, they're more than symbolic. They are the awful truth which is all around us, that we try to not think about. The truth of nature. How cruel it is. How cruel humans are also for that matter.
To really look at humans, look at the evil they do, as if you had them under a magnifying glass/microscope, is like being an entomologist. And few people are "weird" enough to enjoy that.
Showing posts with label insects. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insects. Show all posts
Monday, October 5, 2009
Me and my wife just had a laughing contest. Each person stares at the other until one person genuinely laughs. Good fun.
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Thought of a music video where the visual image would be that of one insect eating another alive (or should it be multiple examples?). What would the music sound like that went with it?
Real live monsters doing the most unspeakable acts to each other... It's like they're some kind of humorous psudeo subtle reminder by the way. What if instead they looked just like human beings (but still seemed relatively mindless) and there were chainsaw wielding species that went around killing and eating damsel in distress species?
There's something Phillip K. Dick about them but worse. He was mostly just losing reality. What if reality was not only being lost, but was being replaced by some other reality? What if you had suspicions the more realistic way of seeing the world was actually quite horrible and you had these tiny little monsters around you, which you're supposed to just ignore, which are constantly eating each other alive. In literaure, such things can almost serve as foreshadowing, or symbolism for the 'reality' of the situation in the story.
You can imagine a world where these bugs were the size of humans. Imagine say a battlefield of ants. Attacking a dying boring bee. It's not dead yet but they're already eating it alive. To be down in such a world is a nightmare world. No matter you're an entomologist and 'love' insects. They're eating each other alive constantly. They have extremely short life spans. They're often such mindless and yet highly specialized killing machines.
That they're so tiny is humorous. They're all around us. We're supposed to just ignore them and focus on Jesus or whatever as we sludge through our days. But there they are, sometimes there's minature flying monsters on my computer screen at this time of day. They're in effect saying, "Hey, guess what? Guess what the truth is of this world?" But we just ignore this other reality which is right on top of our own reality.
But at the same time they seem a beautiful miracle. That life can be so diverse. The boring bees on my porch would always get right up in my face. I like bees. How can such things exist? Have life?
-
What about a fictitious story that began in 1933 Germany, but then consisted of a way that the Jews managed to get the Nazi's past all that ugliness and they all learned to love one another instead? What in the world would it have taken to make that happen instead?
-
I have bicuspid aortic valve. I've known this for almost 30 years. I finally bothered to research it on the internet this week. I won't go into the complicated reasons I never did before. Apparently the last few doctors I've seen the last 5 or 6 years didn't have a clue. Apparently I really shouldn't be doing any heavy weight lifting or sprinting/jumping as both raise my blood pressure too much. Such is what I was originally told as a child. Was told I shouldn't even run. And that I would have to have open heart surgery before the age of 15.
But I had no pain, or symptoms at all when I ran and played. Just sharp pains when I was sitting around doing nothing. And I was so full of energy to run around and play. It was too much to do to such a kid. My parents even agreed. So we ignored the doctors advice. And I did everything. Including boxing (beat two state champions), powerlifting (even got third place in a big tournament once in the 242 class), general very heavy weight lifting (have done a chinup with an extra 140 pounds attached to me at 220 pounds bodyweight), basketball (could do a 360 two hand slam), run very long distances (although like a snail on that one), etc.
Through all such things never had any chest pain, thus figured the doctors were FOS. ...but here and there always had very sharp pains right over top my heart, thus I still worried I might keel over at any moment...
I finally quit worrying about it a few years ago on one doctor's advice, who said they now know such exercise makes no difference. And the pain I described couldn't possibly be the result of anything wrong with my heart. Probably some unimportant lung issue... A great weight off my shoulders...
Then even those sharp pains I'd had all my life went away.
But now, a new feeling has come. A strange fluttering feeling in my chest. Which caused me to finally use the damm internet and research my condition.
Now I see she didn't know what she was talking about. (Or perhaps figured lying would be better for me?)
I apparently really shouldn't be doing any heavy weight lifting. Or sprinting.
It appears I really have to be a wimp from now on. I have to live as if I'm broken.
And still chances are good I'll have to have my chest cracked open within the next 20 years.
-
Treated like hell at work this morning. It's actually hard enough I think to work one's ass off for 12 hours without then getting quizzed on every little irrelevant detail of each patient and then treated like shit if you can't remember each 100 of those new facts you could be attempting to memorize about each new set of patients.
No, I don't remember off the top of my head (of course it is all written down) the exact diameter of each patient's pupils when each patient doesn't even have anything wrong with their eyes, etc. My one boss tells me to just treat each report like a quiz. She's kind of a dumbass. The unfortunate thing about work is that both my bosses are... straying in that direction. Somehow, so far, they like me. But they ruin people's morale by telling them such things, to treat every single day at work as if there will be a big quiz at the end, that each day, after 12 hours, at which point you're exhausted, now take a test on every little thing you just did. I hope you were concentrating on every little endless unimportant detail. I hope you memorized it all. Now after you've reported it. Dump it. And memorize another endless string of useless info the next day. Repeat for 20 years until you suddenly get fired 6 months before retirement (which I've heard of happening quite often.)
The way I was treated today... it seemed like a setup. Don't want to go into the ugly details. Anyway afterwards I could look down at my chest and through my clothes I could count my heartbeats by sight. Treated in such a manner after working my ass off. 52 hours in the last 4 days. Such is life. Hopefully I'll be able to run myself through the ground trying to help, help, help people for a few decades before someone destroys me or my heart gives out.
-
81 and 82 rock.
------------
http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com/2009/10/05/what-happens/#more-7422
-
Thought of a music video where the visual image would be that of one insect eating another alive (or should it be multiple examples?). What would the music sound like that went with it?
Real live monsters doing the most unspeakable acts to each other... It's like they're some kind of humorous psudeo subtle reminder by the way. What if instead they looked just like human beings (but still seemed relatively mindless) and there were chainsaw wielding species that went around killing and eating damsel in distress species?
There's something Phillip K. Dick about them but worse. He was mostly just losing reality. What if reality was not only being lost, but was being replaced by some other reality? What if you had suspicions the more realistic way of seeing the world was actually quite horrible and you had these tiny little monsters around you, which you're supposed to just ignore, which are constantly eating each other alive. In literaure, such things can almost serve as foreshadowing, or symbolism for the 'reality' of the situation in the story.
You can imagine a world where these bugs were the size of humans. Imagine say a battlefield of ants. Attacking a dying boring bee. It's not dead yet but they're already eating it alive. To be down in such a world is a nightmare world. No matter you're an entomologist and 'love' insects. They're eating each other alive constantly. They have extremely short life spans. They're often such mindless and yet highly specialized killing machines.
That they're so tiny is humorous. They're all around us. We're supposed to just ignore them and focus on Jesus or whatever as we sludge through our days. But there they are, sometimes there's minature flying monsters on my computer screen at this time of day. They're in effect saying, "Hey, guess what? Guess what the truth is of this world?" But we just ignore this other reality which is right on top of our own reality.
But at the same time they seem a beautiful miracle. That life can be so diverse. The boring bees on my porch would always get right up in my face. I like bees. How can such things exist? Have life?
-
What about a fictitious story that began in 1933 Germany, but then consisted of a way that the Jews managed to get the Nazi's past all that ugliness and they all learned to love one another instead? What in the world would it have taken to make that happen instead?
-
I have bicuspid aortic valve. I've known this for almost 30 years. I finally bothered to research it on the internet this week. I won't go into the complicated reasons I never did before. Apparently the last few doctors I've seen the last 5 or 6 years didn't have a clue. Apparently I really shouldn't be doing any heavy weight lifting or sprinting/jumping as both raise my blood pressure too much. Such is what I was originally told as a child. Was told I shouldn't even run. And that I would have to have open heart surgery before the age of 15.
But I had no pain, or symptoms at all when I ran and played. Just sharp pains when I was sitting around doing nothing. And I was so full of energy to run around and play. It was too much to do to such a kid. My parents even agreed. So we ignored the doctors advice. And I did everything. Including boxing (beat two state champions), powerlifting (even got third place in a big tournament once in the 242 class), general very heavy weight lifting (have done a chinup with an extra 140 pounds attached to me at 220 pounds bodyweight), basketball (could do a 360 two hand slam), run very long distances (although like a snail on that one), etc.
Through all such things never had any chest pain, thus figured the doctors were FOS. ...but here and there always had very sharp pains right over top my heart, thus I still worried I might keel over at any moment...
I finally quit worrying about it a few years ago on one doctor's advice, who said they now know such exercise makes no difference. And the pain I described couldn't possibly be the result of anything wrong with my heart. Probably some unimportant lung issue... A great weight off my shoulders...
Then even those sharp pains I'd had all my life went away.
But now, a new feeling has come. A strange fluttering feeling in my chest. Which caused me to finally use the damm internet and research my condition.
Now I see she didn't know what she was talking about. (Or perhaps figured lying would be better for me?)
I apparently really shouldn't be doing any heavy weight lifting. Or sprinting.
It appears I really have to be a wimp from now on. I have to live as if I'm broken.
And still chances are good I'll have to have my chest cracked open within the next 20 years.
-
Treated like hell at work this morning. It's actually hard enough I think to work one's ass off for 12 hours without then getting quizzed on every little irrelevant detail of each patient and then treated like shit if you can't remember each 100 of those new facts you could be attempting to memorize about each new set of patients.
No, I don't remember off the top of my head (of course it is all written down) the exact diameter of each patient's pupils when each patient doesn't even have anything wrong with their eyes, etc. My one boss tells me to just treat each report like a quiz. She's kind of a dumbass. The unfortunate thing about work is that both my bosses are... straying in that direction. Somehow, so far, they like me. But they ruin people's morale by telling them such things, to treat every single day at work as if there will be a big quiz at the end, that each day, after 12 hours, at which point you're exhausted, now take a test on every little thing you just did. I hope you were concentrating on every little endless unimportant detail. I hope you memorized it all. Now after you've reported it. Dump it. And memorize another endless string of useless info the next day. Repeat for 20 years until you suddenly get fired 6 months before retirement (which I've heard of happening quite often.)
The way I was treated today... it seemed like a setup. Don't want to go into the ugly details. Anyway afterwards I could look down at my chest and through my clothes I could count my heartbeats by sight. Treated in such a manner after working my ass off. 52 hours in the last 4 days. Such is life. Hopefully I'll be able to run myself through the ground trying to help, help, help people for a few decades before someone destroys me or my heart gives out.
-
81 and 82 rock.
------------
http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com/2009/10/05/what-happens/#more-7422
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