Feeling strong love for J, cats, and even springtime. At the point of loving spring a sneer comes up maybe like Kundera's hypertrophied soul. But such love is at the least extremely close to irrelevant to obtaining... whatever it is that I instead want to obtain. Immortality Kundera calls it. Not so sure it's that at all.
With 55 inch TV and good speaker system been playing Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. And have been thinking that although it's kind of nice. I'd rather spend evenings with J. To just sit in recliners on the back deck reading books beside each other with the cats and the windchime and spring would bring me far more happiness than playing a video game in the evening. And instead of trying to stay up a bit on my days off, (because I work night shift), instead of staying up to 3 or 4 AM playing this video game, I'm so much happier to go to bed, read a book a short time, spoon a bit and fall asleep with J.
To sneer at loving, really loving, spring is....... I can see it as sick, absurd, nonsensical. I can see it as all that despite having been stuck in such a frame of mind for I think a long time. I think anyway. My memory isn't close to good enough to really say. But pretty damm sure I never 'loved' spring like this.
It's other things really. Takes a lot of other things to feel such a feeling as this. And 'love' could be split into so, so, so many other things. And with that splitting people, like me, might not go decades not realizing what they're missing.
-
Apples are a wonderful food. It's like magic. Money doesn't grow on trees. But food does. Apples are wood like yet sweet, edible. And one feels quite good in a subtle way. It's so gradual and so hard to put one's finger on. But it's perhaps crucial. And I have seen more than one fruitarian who acted like he was on crack, (in a extreme happy sort of way). I missed out on the wonders of fruit to a large degree for many years because I thought protein was so important. And I think that last sentence and feel stupid, but last night I mentioned to one of the endless weight watcher woman at work to try just eating apples for three days. And she immediately brought up the lack of protein. Yet the fruitarians I've known had the highest strength to body weight ratios of the people I've personally known.
Cinnamon has a subtle soothing effect.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Saturday, October 31, 2009
It annoys me sometimes how vaguely defined is the word 'love'. The reason it is this way I think is because people want to think they feel exactly the same about one another in a relationship. At least some people do anyway. And so they can say they both 'love' each other while having very different albeit positive feelings for one another. The word is so vague because almost never do people feel exactly the same about one another.
It's an unfortunate thing. People have to hide the truth from one another. Our language in this case simply keeps things as vague as they must be. Could this be the case for language in general? Is hiding the truth always important? With the ability to communicate with one another with far greater clarity, with the resulting all around increase in clarity of thought, what would happen?
It seems to me to be the evolutionary edge. Where again, we have ways in which we must be dumb to make up for being too smart. The edge being the point at which our evolving intelligence (which we used to kill all other species) causes us to self destruct.......... And so we must pull back from what we might know.
---
Alan Watts has a beautiful voice. Otherwise not so sure I agree with a lot of what he says.
It's an unfortunate thing. People have to hide the truth from one another. Our language in this case simply keeps things as vague as they must be. Could this be the case for language in general? Is hiding the truth always important? With the ability to communicate with one another with far greater clarity, with the resulting all around increase in clarity of thought, what would happen?
It seems to me to be the evolutionary edge. Where again, we have ways in which we must be dumb to make up for being too smart. The edge being the point at which our evolving intelligence (which we used to kill all other species) causes us to self destruct.......... And so we must pull back from what we might know.
---
Alan Watts has a beautiful voice. Otherwise not so sure I agree with a lot of what he says.
Friday, October 16, 2009
What way to cure indifference?
Should we shower love and compassion on indifferent people?
In this way can we show them what it's like to live in a world where people are something other than indifferent to each other?
But what of the hate usually mixed in? What when their indifference is also tied into suspicions of evil all around them? When they perceive evil they respond with hateful actions and cause harm, how should we then respond?
The same. We respond still with love and compassion even when they hurt us exactly to show that their perception that we're evil is simply wrong.
Against this though is the worry that we're thus letting them get away with the hurt that they've caused. That instead of punishing them for their harmful actions were basically sending a message that they can get away with such actions.
But we already know that a world based on punishment and force doesn't work so very well.
Whether it's hate or indifference or a mixture of both (and indifference is the worse of the two) we should respond with love and compassion. At the same time we still need to try to somehow speak out and say when an action (or lack thereof) is causing harm.
This is complicated. Because speaking out may likely mean they'll think you wish them harm. They'll think you're 'attacking' them. To both speak out against their actions and to still love them and truly try to make their life better is something between difficult and impossible.
In this industrial society if you ever speak out against someone's actions you're immediately someone who should just go away. There's millions living in some proximity of one another. Those who have any disagreement have no reason to have anything to do with one another.
In this industrial society there's no reasons to bother caring about the welfare of people. To show such love and compassion in and of itself is considered strange.
In this industrial society there's no reasons to bother trying to work through disagreements.
The system is setup so that what should be done is basically impossible. But still, to what extent it can be done, it must be done.
Should we shower love and compassion on indifferent people?
In this way can we show them what it's like to live in a world where people are something other than indifferent to each other?
But what of the hate usually mixed in? What when their indifference is also tied into suspicions of evil all around them? When they perceive evil they respond with hateful actions and cause harm, how should we then respond?
The same. We respond still with love and compassion even when they hurt us exactly to show that their perception that we're evil is simply wrong.
Against this though is the worry that we're thus letting them get away with the hurt that they've caused. That instead of punishing them for their harmful actions were basically sending a message that they can get away with such actions.
But we already know that a world based on punishment and force doesn't work so very well.
Whether it's hate or indifference or a mixture of both (and indifference is the worse of the two) we should respond with love and compassion. At the same time we still need to try to somehow speak out and say when an action (or lack thereof) is causing harm.
This is complicated. Because speaking out may likely mean they'll think you wish them harm. They'll think you're 'attacking' them. To both speak out against their actions and to still love them and truly try to make their life better is something between difficult and impossible.
In this industrial society if you ever speak out against someone's actions you're immediately someone who should just go away. There's millions living in some proximity of one another. Those who have any disagreement have no reason to have anything to do with one another.
In this industrial society there's no reasons to bother caring about the welfare of people. To show such love and compassion in and of itself is considered strange.
In this industrial society there's no reasons to bother trying to work through disagreements.
The system is setup so that what should be done is basically impossible. But still, to what extent it can be done, it must be done.
Friday, April 17, 2009
We can't hate that which we understand.
-
If you truly understand someone you cannot help but love them.
-
I vaguely remember thinking of love as truly understanding someone and that ideally with truly understanding everyone we could love everyone. And I mean by 'love' a very deep euphoric feeling. This contrasted to an idea lately of 'love' being more or less the opposite, where instead it's based on idealizing someone. Basically just pretending they're someone other than who they actually are. Or doing that to some extent anyway.
Which is more correct? I think when I felt the former, the highly positive feeling about love, I was at the time idealizing actually. And that exactly because I was idealizing my 'understanding' equaled truly loving the person. (Because they just then happened to be exactly what I wanted them to be. Because I simply decided to perceive them as exactly what I wanted them to be.)
The above is an example of failing utterly to pangloss anything. Here I started out trying to hope to for a change successfully say something positive.
The first quote: "We can't hate that which we understand."
Is true. I made it up.
The second quote: "If you truly understand someone you cannot help but love them."
I took from someone off of facebook. And unfortunately I can't see that it's quite true at this time...
I was hoping it could be true because that which appears to be evil is hard to spend much time facing. I can face it and manage to see that it's not actually evil. It's never actually evil and thus something to hate, it's instead always some combination of stupidity and/or ignorance. If only understanding this led to love. But stupidity and/or ignorance is not a thing to love at all. It's still an ugly thing I'd rather not spend a lot of time thinking about.
If instead focusing on that which appears to be evil led to understanding it and thus loving it, then it would be much easier to want to spend one's time focusing on that which appears to be evil. As it stands it is instead an activity that it's hard to stand doing much of, this recognition of stupidity/ignorance.
So, can I make it about love?
Love is such a motivator.
And it seems to me that ultimately my art must be about investigating, examining and understanding that which appears to be evil. Understanding every little facet of IT. If at the end of the tunnel stood love I could stand to do it much much more. Instead all I see is ugly ignorance, stupidity... fear. Nothing worthy of love... And it's slightly torturous to spend time dwelling on it.
Although still it is an attempt, no matter how unlike it is of any meaningful success, to do good. Ah, but it is an almost surely futile attempt which instead only leads to endless time spent dwelling on stupidity and ignorance. It is like torturing one's self with Fox news.
If the end result was that I could learn to love Bill O'Reilly (lol) then it wouldn't be so bad. But instead I can at best just learn to feel sorry for him, just feel sad about the harm he's causing. I cannot love such actions.
It's just torture to face that which appears to be evil. But I think it is perhaps an essential thing to do for the production of 'worthwhile' art...
Or maybe I could love Bill O'Reilly. Maybe I could work on that. Brings me back anyway to the point that I love complex real antagonists instead of the 2D stuff. What is the reality really? I can only look inside myself and try to find common points with such people it seems...
Which reminds me to think about lying. As I feel asleep last night I was trying to remember the examples of me still having dishonesty lurking within me. (And not practical stuff like saying I loved my last job at a job interview).
First thing that strangely came to mind is lying about the number of women I've slept with. Which is truly silly. What's wrong with the number of women I've slept with? I was imagining a scenario where I felt the need to hide how low the number was... Then when I actually thought about it, actually just simply used my fricking brain, the idea of hiding such a thing was clear in so many ways as simply STUPID.
And I fear that in understanding that which appears to be evil; that which is stupid or ignorant, there is unfortunately not usually some complex and interesting thing going on. Instead of some mistake hidden amongst a complex line of reasoning there is usually just blank stupidity at work. Just simply not thinking at all.
Which I suppose then the point is to understand why people don't want to think in the first place. Surely somewhere in here there is something actually interesting. And there's a myriad of reasons for that....
...heh. Why do I fear that? Being interesting is only related to writing stories. As far as that what is more or less interesting is reading about the protagonist's reaction to these actions, thoughts, etc which cause harm.
This is two different things I've slightly convoluted I think. Real life 'evil' which usually isn't very interesting and 'evil' within fiction stories which also usually isn't very interesting of itself. But two different things. In real life I want to find a way to stand thinking about 'evil'. In fiction stories it doesn't necessarily matter that in truth 'evil' isn't interesting. The positive reactions of the protagonist hopefully are.
-
If you truly understand someone you cannot help but love them.
-
I vaguely remember thinking of love as truly understanding someone and that ideally with truly understanding everyone we could love everyone. And I mean by 'love' a very deep euphoric feeling. This contrasted to an idea lately of 'love' being more or less the opposite, where instead it's based on idealizing someone. Basically just pretending they're someone other than who they actually are. Or doing that to some extent anyway.
Which is more correct? I think when I felt the former, the highly positive feeling about love, I was at the time idealizing actually. And that exactly because I was idealizing my 'understanding' equaled truly loving the person. (Because they just then happened to be exactly what I wanted them to be. Because I simply decided to perceive them as exactly what I wanted them to be.)
The above is an example of failing utterly to pangloss anything. Here I started out trying to hope to for a change successfully say something positive.
The first quote: "We can't hate that which we understand."
Is true. I made it up.
The second quote: "If you truly understand someone you cannot help but love them."
I took from someone off of facebook. And unfortunately I can't see that it's quite true at this time...
I was hoping it could be true because that which appears to be evil is hard to spend much time facing. I can face it and manage to see that it's not actually evil. It's never actually evil and thus something to hate, it's instead always some combination of stupidity and/or ignorance. If only understanding this led to love. But stupidity and/or ignorance is not a thing to love at all. It's still an ugly thing I'd rather not spend a lot of time thinking about.
If instead focusing on that which appears to be evil led to understanding it and thus loving it, then it would be much easier to want to spend one's time focusing on that which appears to be evil. As it stands it is instead an activity that it's hard to stand doing much of, this recognition of stupidity/ignorance.
So, can I make it about love?
Love is such a motivator.
And it seems to me that ultimately my art must be about investigating, examining and understanding that which appears to be evil. Understanding every little facet of IT. If at the end of the tunnel stood love I could stand to do it much much more. Instead all I see is ugly ignorance, stupidity... fear. Nothing worthy of love... And it's slightly torturous to spend time dwelling on it.
Although still it is an attempt, no matter how unlike it is of any meaningful success, to do good. Ah, but it is an almost surely futile attempt which instead only leads to endless time spent dwelling on stupidity and ignorance. It is like torturing one's self with Fox news.
If the end result was that I could learn to love Bill O'Reilly (lol) then it wouldn't be so bad. But instead I can at best just learn to feel sorry for him, just feel sad about the harm he's causing. I cannot love such actions.
It's just torture to face that which appears to be evil. But I think it is perhaps an essential thing to do for the production of 'worthwhile' art...
Or maybe I could love Bill O'Reilly. Maybe I could work on that. Brings me back anyway to the point that I love complex real antagonists instead of the 2D stuff. What is the reality really? I can only look inside myself and try to find common points with such people it seems...
Which reminds me to think about lying. As I feel asleep last night I was trying to remember the examples of me still having dishonesty lurking within me. (And not practical stuff like saying I loved my last job at a job interview).
First thing that strangely came to mind is lying about the number of women I've slept with. Which is truly silly. What's wrong with the number of women I've slept with? I was imagining a scenario where I felt the need to hide how low the number was... Then when I actually thought about it, actually just simply used my fricking brain, the idea of hiding such a thing was clear in so many ways as simply STUPID.
And I fear that in understanding that which appears to be evil; that which is stupid or ignorant, there is unfortunately not usually some complex and interesting thing going on. Instead of some mistake hidden amongst a complex line of reasoning there is usually just blank stupidity at work. Just simply not thinking at all.
Which I suppose then the point is to understand why people don't want to think in the first place. Surely somewhere in here there is something actually interesting. And there's a myriad of reasons for that....
...heh. Why do I fear that? Being interesting is only related to writing stories. As far as that what is more or less interesting is reading about the protagonist's reaction to these actions, thoughts, etc which cause harm.
This is two different things I've slightly convoluted I think. Real life 'evil' which usually isn't very interesting and 'evil' within fiction stories which also usually isn't very interesting of itself. But two different things. In real life I want to find a way to stand thinking about 'evil'. In fiction stories it doesn't necessarily matter that in truth 'evil' isn't interesting. The positive reactions of the protagonist hopefully are.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I remember falling in love. Needing love to survive in this world. And of course choosing a demon to fall in love with. Repeatedly.
There are such people and there are those who don't need love because they like the world just fine. And then there are those who needed it and repeatedly fell in love with demons and finally learned to ridicule love.
Salvatore's Drizzt is basically asexual. What if that weren't the case? It would be more realistic if while stuck in Menzoberranzan, in desperation, he tried to find some female drow to love. In the book there isn't a single drow that is worthy of his love, but, still, I think in desperation he would still try, and would thus fall in love over and over with demonic women.
Or there could be someone he sees from afar who appears worthy, but he can never quite reach her. Endless such loves always safely off in the distance.
There are such people and there are those who don't need love because they like the world just fine. And then there are those who needed it and repeatedly fell in love with demons and finally learned to ridicule love.
Salvatore's Drizzt is basically asexual. What if that weren't the case? It would be more realistic if while stuck in Menzoberranzan, in desperation, he tried to find some female drow to love. In the book there isn't a single drow that is worthy of his love, but, still, I think in desperation he would still try, and would thus fall in love over and over with demonic women.
Or there could be someone he sees from afar who appears worthy, but he can never quite reach her. Endless such loves always safely off in the distance.
Monday, December 15, 2008
For love is by definition an unmerited gift; being loved without meriting it is the very proof of real love.
If a woman tells you: I love you because you’re intelligent, because you’re decent, because you buy me gifts, because you don’t chase women, because you do the dishes, then you should be disappionted;
such love seems a rather self-interested business.
How much finer it is to hear: I’m crazy about you even though you’re neither intelligent nor decent, even though you’re a liar, an egotist, a bastard.
Milan Kundera, Slowness
Because such "love" is unexplainable we can then do a sort of god of the gaps: A magic of the gaps. I once wrote a love letter to a girl when I was 18 and suicidal. I told her something along the lines of my love for her being totally illogical and that was what made it so wonderful. As all that was logical was horrible.
I don't think she was impressed. LOL.
If a woman tells you: I love you because you’re intelligent, because you’re decent, because you buy me gifts, because you don’t chase women, because you do the dishes, then you should be disappionted;
such love seems a rather self-interested business.
How much finer it is to hear: I’m crazy about you even though you’re neither intelligent nor decent, even though you’re a liar, an egotist, a bastard.
Milan Kundera, Slowness
Because such "love" is unexplainable we can then do a sort of god of the gaps: A magic of the gaps. I once wrote a love letter to a girl when I was 18 and suicidal. I told her something along the lines of my love for her being totally illogical and that was what made it so wonderful. As all that was logical was horrible.
I don't think she was impressed. LOL.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Rooting out the magic... I think to enjoy music it must have something that is "magical" about it. Lately I've not enjoyed music much.
When younger I'd visit/move to new places and they'd have their own unique feel to them. It seemed a thing of magic to me. I wasn't able to logically understand how they "felt". Occasionally synethesia became involved. I remember driving in the middle of the night to San Franciso when I was 18 and it had such a strong feel and I even started to smell this... calming smell. (I whom have almost no sense of normal smell.)
Fort Ord was like the president's nuclear holocaust dream in Dreamscape.
Kentucky was like that place in Stephen King's The Stand; an awful dead place.
West Virginia is slightly positive. Not so many unhappy spirits, quiet at least.
For all it's chavs etc England was overflowing with magic. I'm someone else there...
Germany is hard to make sense of... like I wasn't really there...
Many places had not much feel though...New England, Crete, Maryland, Florida, New Mexico. Many just felt slightly sleepy like Niagara/Toronto.
Is it not all a pile of shaving cream? Was there really no magic? Just really unexamined thinking, preconceptions, a very few visual cues, etc, thrown together and becoming some psuedo magic? No different than people who think they're psychics/mediums?
No amount of time in Kentucky would change it. It is an evil place. Happy people from there are to be avoided...
I'd so much like it to be all magic going on within me. I can't quite stand to find out how wrong I am. I need some belief in magic. I'm losing what little I had.
The UK was especially some "magical" place. Not for any particular logical reason. But for magical reasons. I feel I was predestined to live there. That something went horribly awry. But it's a bit of belief in magic that is leaving me now. Ultimately I saw english TV shows and they sounded smarter with their pretty accents. They were the best TV shows (Doctor Who, Monty Python). Better than anything here. So, you know, half assed thinking when 10 or so became ingrained in me somehow very deeply beyond logical thought. But then furthermore I had the sex hormones running like crazy back then (must reproduce!!!) so I attached the idea of a english woman. That became a part of the predestined feel. But it was a vague thing of course. Now I Know real live people from the UK, with beautiful accents and they're too real. They can't be a part of that predestined stupid "magical" notion. They must be sufficiently vague for it to work.
You see you have to take a human and turn them into a symbol; much like is done with "love" as Zizek so complains about... (at least I think that's part of what he's getting at). And anyway, it's an awful thing to do to anyone; this turning of people into symbols. It takes some ignoring who they really are.
But then... as so much successful reproducing is accomplished thanks to this "love" perhaps people learn to act in ways where it's hard to not turn them into a symbol...
When younger I'd visit/move to new places and they'd have their own unique feel to them. It seemed a thing of magic to me. I wasn't able to logically understand how they "felt". Occasionally synethesia became involved. I remember driving in the middle of the night to San Franciso when I was 18 and it had such a strong feel and I even started to smell this... calming smell. (I whom have almost no sense of normal smell.)
Fort Ord was like the president's nuclear holocaust dream in Dreamscape.
Kentucky was like that place in Stephen King's The Stand; an awful dead place.
West Virginia is slightly positive. Not so many unhappy spirits, quiet at least.
For all it's chavs etc England was overflowing with magic. I'm someone else there...
Germany is hard to make sense of... like I wasn't really there...
Many places had not much feel though...New England, Crete, Maryland, Florida, New Mexico. Many just felt slightly sleepy like Niagara/Toronto.
Is it not all a pile of shaving cream? Was there really no magic? Just really unexamined thinking, preconceptions, a very few visual cues, etc, thrown together and becoming some psuedo magic? No different than people who think they're psychics/mediums?
No amount of time in Kentucky would change it. It is an evil place. Happy people from there are to be avoided...
I'd so much like it to be all magic going on within me. I can't quite stand to find out how wrong I am. I need some belief in magic. I'm losing what little I had.
The UK was especially some "magical" place. Not for any particular logical reason. But for magical reasons. I feel I was predestined to live there. That something went horribly awry. But it's a bit of belief in magic that is leaving me now. Ultimately I saw english TV shows and they sounded smarter with their pretty accents. They were the best TV shows (Doctor Who, Monty Python). Better than anything here. So, you know, half assed thinking when 10 or so became ingrained in me somehow very deeply beyond logical thought. But then furthermore I had the sex hormones running like crazy back then (must reproduce!!!) so I attached the idea of a english woman. That became a part of the predestined feel. But it was a vague thing of course. Now I Know real live people from the UK, with beautiful accents and they're too real. They can't be a part of that predestined stupid "magical" notion. They must be sufficiently vague for it to work.
You see you have to take a human and turn them into a symbol; much like is done with "love" as Zizek so complains about... (at least I think that's part of what he's getting at). And anyway, it's an awful thing to do to anyone; this turning of people into symbols. It takes some ignoring who they really are.
But then... as so much successful reproducing is accomplished thanks to this "love" perhaps people learn to act in ways where it's hard to not turn them into a symbol...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
ugly relationships
I was reading Einstein quotes and found that he made a mistake so many people make. People just need (or really want) certain relationships in life. To the extent that they'll turn other people into things that they really aren't. Like most, Einstein wanted/needed to love someone. So he chose the seemingly best possible person, probably based mostly on looks or some other unessential thing and he jumped right in. In reading the quotes it seemed that he was more in love with the idea of being in love then with the actual person.
There are obvious problems with that. It can mean ignoring the reality of the person. It can mean being stuck in what are actually hellish relationships. Einstein, like so many others, certainly was.
This general idea occurs so often and is so rarely understood. There are many young men for example who complain that women only like assholes. That they don't like guys who are actually caring, compassionate, etc. The truth in this is just that women don't like guys who are in love with the idea of having a girlfriend as opposed to actually really liking this women they want as a girlfriend. These guys just want a girlfriend and they are willing to go to unnatural lengths to get one. They are too nice. They sacrifice their own real wants behind just doing whatever will make the women happy. It appears as if they're being very very nice. Except there is a stipulation. Which is that they (the women) be the girlfriend of said "nice" man. It isn't truly being nice just because they want the person to be happy. It is instead a businesslike transaction. And it is not natural and although the women may not necessarily understand what's consiously wrong with it. She usually understands that something doesn't feel right.
And so, they go along, not understanding what they're doing (the nice man). Easily enough they find endless women they "like". But who don't seem to think much of their "niceness" and instead like men who aren't anywhere near as nice.
They can end up full of disgust for the world in general. Going years without realizing they're going after women.... they don't even actually like....
And, they can get annoyed that these women drop them with little to no explanation. Not understanding that the women herself may just not be able to put her finger on what exactly is wrong. (Humans are still very "instinctual" and women especially like to claim it as some kind of good thing.) She may further even feel guilty as she recognizes that this man she doesn't like, is much "nicer" than the one she does.
But actually she's probably right. The nice man is probably so over the top nice because just the idea of having a girlfriend has come to mean too much to him. And he is just in love with the idea of love as opposed to her actually. And he needs to understand that there are things more important than trying at all costs to keep a relationship together.
It is a very good thing if things can be ended on good terms with an understanding as to why they should end. But that sometimes just can't happen. Quite often people don't understand why. And though it would be great if they'd try to work together to try to figure it out, they are afraid. This is a violent world. And as such they are justified in being afraid to openly discuss disagreements. And so relationships are cut off with no real explanation. They are cut off in ugly ways that the person is then stuck with (essentially ugly memories that can accumulate) for the rest of their life; possibly the entire life passes with no understanding ever gained.
There are obvious problems with that. It can mean ignoring the reality of the person. It can mean being stuck in what are actually hellish relationships. Einstein, like so many others, certainly was.
This general idea occurs so often and is so rarely understood. There are many young men for example who complain that women only like assholes. That they don't like guys who are actually caring, compassionate, etc. The truth in this is just that women don't like guys who are in love with the idea of having a girlfriend as opposed to actually really liking this women they want as a girlfriend. These guys just want a girlfriend and they are willing to go to unnatural lengths to get one. They are too nice. They sacrifice their own real wants behind just doing whatever will make the women happy. It appears as if they're being very very nice. Except there is a stipulation. Which is that they (the women) be the girlfriend of said "nice" man. It isn't truly being nice just because they want the person to be happy. It is instead a businesslike transaction. And it is not natural and although the women may not necessarily understand what's consiously wrong with it. She usually understands that something doesn't feel right.
And so, they go along, not understanding what they're doing (the nice man). Easily enough they find endless women they "like". But who don't seem to think much of their "niceness" and instead like men who aren't anywhere near as nice.
They can end up full of disgust for the world in general. Going years without realizing they're going after women.... they don't even actually like....
And, they can get annoyed that these women drop them with little to no explanation. Not understanding that the women herself may just not be able to put her finger on what exactly is wrong. (Humans are still very "instinctual" and women especially like to claim it as some kind of good thing.) She may further even feel guilty as she recognizes that this man she doesn't like, is much "nicer" than the one she does.
But actually she's probably right. The nice man is probably so over the top nice because just the idea of having a girlfriend has come to mean too much to him. And he is just in love with the idea of love as opposed to her actually. And he needs to understand that there are things more important than trying at all costs to keep a relationship together.
It is a very good thing if things can be ended on good terms with an understanding as to why they should end. But that sometimes just can't happen. Quite often people don't understand why. And though it would be great if they'd try to work together to try to figure it out, they are afraid. This is a violent world. And as such they are justified in being afraid to openly discuss disagreements. And so relationships are cut off with no real explanation. They are cut off in ugly ways that the person is then stuck with (essentially ugly memories that can accumulate) for the rest of their life; possibly the entire life passes with no understanding ever gained.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
