Sex.
The male praying mantis may continue to thrust after his head has been chewed off but I think the vast majority of beneficial sexual mutations are related to perceptions that the activity is increasing one's distance from nonexistence.
-like with having friends in general we perceive we've got a bit more power/security, more so the closer a friend they are...
-information, what's underneath those clothes? etc... And to some extent we do look exactly how we are... or better put, we have an ability to decipher looks...
-usually men liking to feel in charge, a sex game where they feel more powerful than they otherwise actually are. Unfortunately is rape not just a question of a greater degree of such a thing?
-...I dunno... information (=power=increasing distance from nonexistence), feeling connected (=power=etc), etc...
-altruism, making the other person happy in turn, showering them with love, makes us happy....
-...and why are the most regular features so often considered the most beautiful? Ugly stuff. It's about conformity. And, having our genes combine in a way that will result in a hopefully well conformed child. And so short women always want tall men for example. And so hindus value fair features (caucasians are the most average looking). Japanese die their hair red. Black men love white women... and asian women... But it doesn't work in reverse so well because the power balance gets out of whack. The poor asian man feeling too physically inferior to a black woman. (And there has to be a balance though... what is it again that the women generally has in order to keep things from getting too out of balance? I don't remember at the moment... was it sex? Ugh, I dunno. Oversimplifying.)
The perception of beauty is tied right into conformity. We are constantly controlled by the need to conform without realizing it.
There is still something of the headless praying mantis thrusting away tied into human and animal sex... I think of certain things and get an erection. There's no sense to it but it feels good. Oh well.
--
What were the three main negative emotions? Anger, sadness and....???? Luckily I wrote this down somewhere... But anyway, sparked by rideflame's blog to reremember...
We feel sad when we want others to help us. We feel anger when we perceive someone is closeminded.
Not remembering the third primary negative emotion is the number one reason I have this blog. No need to look it up right now though. If I ever came along and found this blog deleted (which the owners reserve the right to do at any time) that would be awful.
--
My first day as a nurse was yesterday. Went well. I can't quite put my finger on just why I like work so well. Was wondering if being the only guy harkens back to some primitive thing, where I vaguely feel like the alpha male. I don't think so... There are men who work there on night shift. I switch to night shift very soon. They seem just as nice as the women. I really don't think I care that I'm surrounded by people who physically are female. But there perhaps is something about the different way of thinking. Occasionally it hits me how bizarre it is, for me of all people to be a nurse, surrounded by women. I am not the sort of person one would expect to be a nurse. Somehow it seems to be working out really well.
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I want to say that all actions can be reduced to a single motivation: trying to increase one's own distance from nonexistence. This definitely should be defined in negative terms. And altruism has been taken care of. (Long term self interest and empathy=understanding+occasional transference of suffering and the two levels of "morality" where we the simplistic level is just feeling pride for doing the right thing even when it clearly doesn't make any sense at all in a given situation.)
I want to say that everything comes down to a short term and/or long term thinking which gives the perception that the distance from nonexistence has been increased.
A potential road block is defining actions as instinctual; which is to say that no real "thinking" is going on. Such would mean that the motivation for some given actions (a pandora's box really of actions) doesn't come back to trying to increase the distance from nonexistence. It is instead just mindless. Stimuli A is received. Chemical is produced. Which in turn just causes action B as if it were just a mindless reflex.
To the extent it is true that actions are mindless/instinctual, to the extent our understanding of actions amounts to vague hand waving and the claim that it's just instincts, it would seem to be a waste of time attempting to understand humankind.
And there are actions that are outside of our control. Actions that I suppose amount to instinctual actions. Jerking one's hand back from extreme heat for example. To a lesser extent the beating of our hearts, the working of our digestive systems.
But where then is the line? I would like to think that except for things such as that, all can be explained as conscious/subconscious attempts at increasing our distance from nonexistence.
The point being that in explaining our actions, any person explaining their actions, instead of just saying, "I just do." Or for that matter explaining any complex series of actions by any person or animal as "instincts" I would want to see them be able to bring every action back to that one single assertion. We act, we bother to do anything in an attempt to increase our distance from nonexistence.
What little that can definitely be described as instinctual also generally increases our distance from nonexistence. But I find it somehow really a problem that there's not sense to it, that it's just mindless crap. It matters to me because I need to understand why I'm doing any given thing. And being told, "because I said so" or "it's your instincts"... No, that isn't going to work. I need to understand. I'm not a machine. Yes, I do jerk back from extreme heat. Yes my heart speeds up here and there. I remember once my hair even stood on end. But these are just little silly things. For any complex action, I can understand exactly what is going on and control my actions. I can understand exactly the process, exactly why I've the perception that the action will lead to increasing my distance from nonexistence.
When I ask someone to explain the reason for their actions, this is what I would most desire; something that always comes back to this one single assertion, that of an organism attempting to continue existing.
Saying it's just instincts, saying that's just what I do, saying there really isn't any reason = no good.
To understand everything you must be able to reduce everything to this single motivation.
A big road block is sex. I vaguely recall an answer from long ago which I've forgotten. But maybe not. Maybe with this everything collapses. Maybe we are permanently destined to be freakish creatures that get up, move around, and live for decades with not a clue why really we're doing much of anything.
I want to say that everything comes down to a short term and/or long term thinking which gives the perception that the distance from nonexistence has been increased.
A potential road block is defining actions as instinctual; which is to say that no real "thinking" is going on. Such would mean that the motivation for some given actions (a pandora's box really of actions) doesn't come back to trying to increase the distance from nonexistence. It is instead just mindless. Stimuli A is received. Chemical is produced. Which in turn just causes action B as if it were just a mindless reflex.
To the extent it is true that actions are mindless/instinctual, to the extent our understanding of actions amounts to vague hand waving and the claim that it's just instincts, it would seem to be a waste of time attempting to understand humankind.
And there are actions that are outside of our control. Actions that I suppose amount to instinctual actions. Jerking one's hand back from extreme heat for example. To a lesser extent the beating of our hearts, the working of our digestive systems.
But where then is the line? I would like to think that except for things such as that, all can be explained as conscious/subconscious attempts at increasing our distance from nonexistence.
The point being that in explaining our actions, any person explaining their actions, instead of just saying, "I just do." Or for that matter explaining any complex series of actions by any person or animal as "instincts" I would want to see them be able to bring every action back to that one single assertion. We act, we bother to do anything in an attempt to increase our distance from nonexistence.
What little that can definitely be described as instinctual also generally increases our distance from nonexistence. But I find it somehow really a problem that there's not sense to it, that it's just mindless crap. It matters to me because I need to understand why I'm doing any given thing. And being told, "because I said so" or "it's your instincts"... No, that isn't going to work. I need to understand. I'm not a machine. Yes, I do jerk back from extreme heat. Yes my heart speeds up here and there. I remember once my hair even stood on end. But these are just little silly things. For any complex action, I can understand exactly what is going on and control my actions. I can understand exactly the process, exactly why I've the perception that the action will lead to increasing my distance from nonexistence.
When I ask someone to explain the reason for their actions, this is what I would most desire; something that always comes back to this one single assertion, that of an organism attempting to continue existing.
Saying it's just instincts, saying that's just what I do, saying there really isn't any reason = no good.
To understand everything you must be able to reduce everything to this single motivation.
A big road block is sex. I vaguely recall an answer from long ago which I've forgotten. But maybe not. Maybe with this everything collapses. Maybe we are permanently destined to be freakish creatures that get up, move around, and live for decades with not a clue why really we're doing much of anything.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
http://www.efluxmedia.com/news_New_Harvard_Research_Investigates_the_Causes_of_Aging_30066.html
"Resveratrol works as a biological survival mechanism that switches the body’s resources from fertility to tissue maintenance by activating protein agents known in people as sirtuins. Therefore, life is prolonged since it reduces at the same time degenerative diseases of aging, such as Alzheimer’s."
It prolongs life by taking resources from fertility. Same with veganism. Vegan women hit menarche later and menopause earlier, while living longer.
Meat tells the body that the situation isn't good. You've been reduced to frequent murder to stop from starving. The world must be an ugly place and life must be generally short and brutal. So better reproduce quick to make sure the genes survive.
And so sex, the more you want it, the more you're into it, is about death. The sex crazed individual is a creature of death. The sex crazed individual is usually relatively stupid and makes up for it's stupidity with a lot more sex.
And the idea of having thoughts which trigger emotions is bizarre, logically speaking. Emotions are bizarre period. All of them. But the most bizarre of all are the sex "emotions".
And we've driven things to greater extremes by making it that which is hidden. Why? Because otherwise we're too smart to bother enough with sex???
"Resveratrol works as a biological survival mechanism that switches the body’s resources from fertility to tissue maintenance by activating protein agents known in people as sirtuins. Therefore, life is prolonged since it reduces at the same time degenerative diseases of aging, such as Alzheimer’s."
It prolongs life by taking resources from fertility. Same with veganism. Vegan women hit menarche later and menopause earlier, while living longer.
Meat tells the body that the situation isn't good. You've been reduced to frequent murder to stop from starving. The world must be an ugly place and life must be generally short and brutal. So better reproduce quick to make sure the genes survive.
And so sex, the more you want it, the more you're into it, is about death. The sex crazed individual is a creature of death. The sex crazed individual is usually relatively stupid and makes up for it's stupidity with a lot more sex.
And the idea of having thoughts which trigger emotions is bizarre, logically speaking. Emotions are bizarre period. All of them. But the most bizarre of all are the sex "emotions".
And we've driven things to greater extremes by making it that which is hidden. Why? Because otherwise we're too smart to bother enough with sex???
Sunday, November 30, 2008
They told me of necrophilia, beastiality and pedophilia in their culture. How true was it? It was propaganda to dehumanize the enemy but I still think there may have been some truth to it. I mean to say such things may be more prevalent there than in other cultures. Although such things are probably even greater crimes there than here, if that's possible... Well maybe not beastiality of that they were many stories... Anecdotes from people not a part of the propaganda machine...
The extreme sexual repression did lead to the men being hypersexual. That which is hidden becomes an all consuming interest; the sight of an ankle being some huge turn on. And without any reality the imagination is free to run wild.
So what are the results of sexual repression on a society? We can't learn so much maybe based on real world examples... but sociological studies would be nice. For the real world there are other factors confusing the issue, not to mention genetics are real.
What was the point in the first place of sexual repression? There is the christian ideal of concentrating solely on the afterlife and having no interest in fun today. But I don't think that's really it so much, probably was based primarily on men owning women and making sure that other men simply wouldn't be allowed to even see them at all. Not even an ankle. I think this is what is basically still going on in the ME. With FGM in a few places to ensure further that women won't want to cheat. The men who made their women cover up and forced FGM on them perhaps were slightly more likely to spread their genes...? Or at least that kind of thinking in general led them also to other measures which did.
The same would work for men keeping covered too. To ensure a women wouldn't covet a man, thus make him cover up at least some...
So we hide how much we make. We hide what we really think. We hide our bodies...
Bad results of this repression? The marionette/isolation. Excessive preoccupation. Rape, etc? Bad matches... Seems so obvious to just look at naked tribes in the forest. But too many variables. Mostly... simply genetics.
The perfect study never to be done again:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=15629096
Results locked away till 2066. Of course it's way more than 50% genetics. Short of routine beatings and/or malnutrition...
The PC thing to do is pretend we're all the same genetically and all our differences can be explained by our environment. .... There is a horrifying example of evolution which has happened in the last few hundred years which is so obvious. But we must not mention it. Keep that curtain closed!
http://www.vdare.com/Sailer/pioneer.htm
"Remarkably, separated identical twins were more similar than fraternal twins raised in the same home."
Of course.
"One scientist [presumably the great Arthur Jensen] had to be accompanied by an armed guard on his own campus, as well as guarded in his own home. Another scientist was required by his university to teach his classes by closed circuit television, supposedly in order to prevent a riot breaking out in his class. Several scientists had university and other speaking engagements canceled or interrupted by gangs of students or outside toughs. … Two scientists who had speaking engagements in Australia needed 50 policemen to rescue them from a mob. At one major university a professor invaded the class of another professor, led a raucous demonstration there, and had to be removed by campus police. The son of one of Pioneer's directors agreed to succeed his father on the Pioneer board, but then withdrew when the son's wife objected, citing social ostracism and physical danger.
Other examples of the intimidation of Pioneer-funded scientists include the 1973 beating of Britain's best-known psychologist Hans J. Eysenck as he attempted to lecture at the London School of Economics. In 1990, the Dean of the Institute of Psychiatry in London, where Eysenck had been for 44 years, prohibited him from receiving any further support from the Pioneer Fund. Yet that was the same year that a survey of leading American psychologists and historians named Eysenck among the top ten most influential psychologists in the world."
Of course.
Anyway I recognize it's not very useful to try to understand the effects of cultural differences by comparing very large groups.
The extreme sexual repression did lead to the men being hypersexual. That which is hidden becomes an all consuming interest; the sight of an ankle being some huge turn on. And without any reality the imagination is free to run wild.
So what are the results of sexual repression on a society? We can't learn so much maybe based on real world examples... but sociological studies would be nice. For the real world there are other factors confusing the issue, not to mention genetics are real.
What was the point in the first place of sexual repression? There is the christian ideal of concentrating solely on the afterlife and having no interest in fun today. But I don't think that's really it so much, probably was based primarily on men owning women and making sure that other men simply wouldn't be allowed to even see them at all. Not even an ankle. I think this is what is basically still going on in the ME. With FGM in a few places to ensure further that women won't want to cheat. The men who made their women cover up and forced FGM on them perhaps were slightly more likely to spread their genes...? Or at least that kind of thinking in general led them also to other measures which did.
The same would work for men keeping covered too. To ensure a women wouldn't covet a man, thus make him cover up at least some...
So we hide how much we make. We hide what we really think. We hide our bodies...
Bad results of this repression? The marionette/isolation. Excessive preoccupation. Rape, etc? Bad matches... Seems so obvious to just look at naked tribes in the forest. But too many variables. Mostly... simply genetics.
The perfect study never to be done again:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=15629096
Results locked away till 2066. Of course it's way more than 50% genetics. Short of routine beatings and/or malnutrition...
The PC thing to do is pretend we're all the same genetically and all our differences can be explained by our environment. .... There is a horrifying example of evolution which has happened in the last few hundred years which is so obvious. But we must not mention it. Keep that curtain closed!
http://www.vdare.com/Sailer/pioneer.htm
"Remarkably, separated identical twins were more similar than fraternal twins raised in the same home."
Of course.
"One scientist [presumably the great Arthur Jensen] had to be accompanied by an armed guard on his own campus, as well as guarded in his own home. Another scientist was required by his university to teach his classes by closed circuit television, supposedly in order to prevent a riot breaking out in his class. Several scientists had university and other speaking engagements canceled or interrupted by gangs of students or outside toughs. … Two scientists who had speaking engagements in Australia needed 50 policemen to rescue them from a mob. At one major university a professor invaded the class of another professor, led a raucous demonstration there, and had to be removed by campus police. The son of one of Pioneer's directors agreed to succeed his father on the Pioneer board, but then withdrew when the son's wife objected, citing social ostracism and physical danger.
Other examples of the intimidation of Pioneer-funded scientists include the 1973 beating of Britain's best-known psychologist Hans J. Eysenck as he attempted to lecture at the London School of Economics. In 1990, the Dean of the Institute of Psychiatry in London, where Eysenck had been for 44 years, prohibited him from receiving any further support from the Pioneer Fund. Yet that was the same year that a survey of leading American psychologists and historians named Eysenck among the top ten most influential psychologists in the world."
Of course.
Anyway I recognize it's not very useful to try to understand the effects of cultural differences by comparing very large groups.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
http://thetoofarfuture.blogspot.com/2008/11/not-right-scene.html
Not so much vitality/virility although that plays a role. It was about being able to see beauty in ..just about anything. And understanding how relative it is. For a fat women you think about flesh in general. With women it's softer so with a really fat women: wonderful endless soft flesh! Why you can just about disappear into it! The ultimate orgy of the flesh for Paxton!
One can look at a female ape... and if you weren't aware what the males looked like you'd think it male. But once you've seen the males, suddenly it's properly feminine, (if the relative you keep in mind is solely the male ape) The gentle sex. Gentle and snuggly and... that's enough. The point was just being able to see beauty anywhere and as result understanding how relative it is really. Personally I have tried to reject the usual understanding of beauty, where it's relative to all other members of the species and just taking the average. The most perfectly boringly normal. I don't like that version of beauty... But beauty is about being relative to something. Better than some other thing... the most general idea is less likely to be mutated/defective, thus normal beauty is the most perfectly regular features. (Yes, it comes right back to evolution/successfullly spreading one's genes.) I think of some royal family in europe long ago where they were so inbred their elongated jaws quit working properly and they had trouble eating... Saw a picture of one of them. Probably of course the most flattering possible picture. I thought her so beautiful. To me a long jaw is beautiful. Elongated faces, almost like Easter Island statues. In Australia it seems there's something going where a few people have these freakishly long faces. At least I've seen them in movies a few times and it was always Astralians. Was fascinated by it. I have it slightly. Not freakishly.
But being able to see every person as beautiful is a nice thing. And I can just about do it. Almost. But I quit bothering with it quite a while back, for the most part...
Attached somewhat to a larger idea of being alone in a room and staring at a wall for years and being perfectly happy. Bizarre idea of mine when younger. "I'm turning myself into steel to be invincible!" (Silly Fist of the North Star anime line.) That was the idea, to be invincibly happy.
But I rejected so much of my thoughts from back then. Regarded it all as... invalid as it was not based on the thinking of a person that remotely was the common man. Which now at least, in a sense, I'm the common man. Except with the remains of that having pushed me in something of an unusual direction.
I thought of it as being similar to stoics. And also associated with Vancian characters who even while being tortured kept a relatively even keel.
Not so much vitality/virility although that plays a role. It was about being able to see beauty in ..just about anything. And understanding how relative it is. For a fat women you think about flesh in general. With women it's softer so with a really fat women: wonderful endless soft flesh! Why you can just about disappear into it! The ultimate orgy of the flesh for Paxton!
One can look at a female ape... and if you weren't aware what the males looked like you'd think it male. But once you've seen the males, suddenly it's properly feminine, (if the relative you keep in mind is solely the male ape) The gentle sex. Gentle and snuggly and... that's enough. The point was just being able to see beauty anywhere and as result understanding how relative it is really. Personally I have tried to reject the usual understanding of beauty, where it's relative to all other members of the species and just taking the average. The most perfectly boringly normal. I don't like that version of beauty... But beauty is about being relative to something. Better than some other thing... the most general idea is less likely to be mutated/defective, thus normal beauty is the most perfectly regular features. (Yes, it comes right back to evolution/successfullly spreading one's genes.) I think of some royal family in europe long ago where they were so inbred their elongated jaws quit working properly and they had trouble eating... Saw a picture of one of them. Probably of course the most flattering possible picture. I thought her so beautiful. To me a long jaw is beautiful. Elongated faces, almost like Easter Island statues. In Australia it seems there's something going where a few people have these freakishly long faces. At least I've seen them in movies a few times and it was always Astralians. Was fascinated by it. I have it slightly. Not freakishly.
But being able to see every person as beautiful is a nice thing. And I can just about do it. Almost. But I quit bothering with it quite a while back, for the most part...
Attached somewhat to a larger idea of being alone in a room and staring at a wall for years and being perfectly happy. Bizarre idea of mine when younger. "I'm turning myself into steel to be invincible!" (Silly Fist of the North Star anime line.) That was the idea, to be invincibly happy.
But I rejected so much of my thoughts from back then. Regarded it all as... invalid as it was not based on the thinking of a person that remotely was the common man. Which now at least, in a sense, I'm the common man. Except with the remains of that having pushed me in something of an unusual direction.
I thought of it as being similar to stoics. And also associated with Vancian characters who even while being tortured kept a relatively even keel.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Not the right scene... there was a scene in this movie with the costar Bill Paxton where he's about to have an orgy with three 500 lb women. It's not that he's just got a thing for fat chicks, it's that he's got an extreme vitality/lust for life... I always liked the idea of being like that. And although 500 pounders are pushing it way too far I have tried to find the perspective where I could have such ..."vitality".. virility, whatever. Just to be that alive... I have tried to find a way where I find people attractive who really, by normal standards aren't. Just for fun, as I'm like that.
I don't know how it happened... was it from doing that... or did it just happen "naturally" later but I really like slightly androgounous(sp) or slightly manly women. Maybe I did the above and liked the results so much it stuck with me. (Lusting for really fat women has not stuck with me.) I can think of a number of women that most men would find a little disgusting in their manliness that I really find attractive.
Thing is a few of them are very alone. As being a manly women who still likes men (or thinks that they do... or some degree of whatever/confused). And so on top of that I feel like.. heh, I'd really like to show them that someone finds them very attractive. But married to a relatively conservative women I can't.
My current job has ruined my sexual appetite. Perhaps it's no big deal. But it makes me feel old.
In The Dark Backwards, it's a dystopia where people drink things like pig juice, that along with Paxton sucking slimey stuff off 500 lb women's breasts... My current job... heh. There are many ugly things tied into sex. I'm too aware of that to begin with and my new job (it's been 10 months now) brings certain ugliness into an even starker contrast. I don't think I've had sex 15 times in the last 8 months. I never thought I'd be the kind of person who rarely had sex. As that Paxton vitality used to be something I thought a good thing and prided myself on....
I love this movie though.
Monday, November 3, 2008
I do believe in evolution.
I think our ancestors were single celled organisms with no ability to "think"; that certain mutations improved their ability to spread their genes.
That ultimately we exist, we are alive; solely to try to keep staying alive. This "thinking" thing we developed has... sometimes really increased our ability to spread our genes. But there are many other beneficial mutations that are highly illogical.
So much of what we do is ultimately pointless and bizarre. It's... stuff related to what was generally beneficial mutations that doesn't necessarily make any sense in this very different world today.
I ruthlessly pull back the curtain; strip everything bare and scream at the result. (And one of these days I'll check the proper use of a semicolon...)
At the same time I've recognized that atheism is wrong in that it's not thinking towards the future, it's not practicing enough forethought. With such forethought there is no reason to get out of bed in the face of the final total memory swipe. So I want "magic". I want "gods".
It's a huge contradiction. I'm pulling back all the curtains while wanting magic so bad; trying to create magic.
Something needs to be done about this contradiction. It's not possible for me to stop pulling back the curtain. I can't stand that which is unknown. Yet I desperately need that which is unknown because only the unknowable is magical/godlike/something other than ceasing to exist.
And everyday is like an entire life. Waking up and trying to quickly retrace the patterns in my mind; the important patterns; why am I doing such and such again...? Some days my mind just is too tired. Some days I fail. Some days by 4pm I'm ready to punch whoever so hard I'll decapitate them.
----
Another pulling curtain example from long past very quickly and partially slapped down:
The heart of sex is just some bizarre illogical thing going back to single celled organisms. We can greatly heighten the enjoyment of it at least mostly by adding really ugly things on top. Suggestions of power, etc.
Like I talk really intelligently while caressing some lady's breast and she just about goes bananas. Ugh. She thinks I sound intelligent and that suggests power and that adds so much. It's reproduction plus latching on to someone who will even better ensure her genes will be passed on. Thus totally biologically, the beneficial mutations kick in. Etc. Ugh. Could go on and on. Can't stand to.
----
Too intelligent. Devolution. That beneficial mutation called thinking went too far and quit being beneficial.
I think our ancestors were single celled organisms with no ability to "think"; that certain mutations improved their ability to spread their genes.
That ultimately we exist, we are alive; solely to try to keep staying alive. This "thinking" thing we developed has... sometimes really increased our ability to spread our genes. But there are many other beneficial mutations that are highly illogical.
So much of what we do is ultimately pointless and bizarre. It's... stuff related to what was generally beneficial mutations that doesn't necessarily make any sense in this very different world today.
I ruthlessly pull back the curtain; strip everything bare and scream at the result. (And one of these days I'll check the proper use of a semicolon...)
At the same time I've recognized that atheism is wrong in that it's not thinking towards the future, it's not practicing enough forethought. With such forethought there is no reason to get out of bed in the face of the final total memory swipe. So I want "magic". I want "gods".
It's a huge contradiction. I'm pulling back all the curtains while wanting magic so bad; trying to create magic.
Something needs to be done about this contradiction. It's not possible for me to stop pulling back the curtain. I can't stand that which is unknown. Yet I desperately need that which is unknown because only the unknowable is magical/godlike/something other than ceasing to exist.
And everyday is like an entire life. Waking up and trying to quickly retrace the patterns in my mind; the important patterns; why am I doing such and such again...? Some days my mind just is too tired. Some days I fail. Some days by 4pm I'm ready to punch whoever so hard I'll decapitate them.
----
Another pulling curtain example from long past very quickly and partially slapped down:
The heart of sex is just some bizarre illogical thing going back to single celled organisms. We can greatly heighten the enjoyment of it at least mostly by adding really ugly things on top. Suggestions of power, etc.
Like I talk really intelligently while caressing some lady's breast and she just about goes bananas. Ugh. She thinks I sound intelligent and that suggests power and that adds so much. It's reproduction plus latching on to someone who will even better ensure her genes will be passed on. Thus totally biologically, the beneficial mutations kick in. Etc. Ugh. Could go on and on. Can't stand to.
----
Too intelligent. Devolution. That beneficial mutation called thinking went too far and quit being beneficial.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I had this strange feeling for a decade or two that I was meant to have lived in the UK. And that I've really missed out on a lot of stuff in that I instead lived in West Virginia. It's about the people I think I might have known living there instead of here... Friends, loves....
It's said that people are really the same everywhere and that happiness must come from within. The former just isn't true. I haven't spent my whole life in WV. I've spent probably almost ten years total here and there and I've seen it's not true. As to the latter, it's partially true but can be carried to the ridiculous.
As to this idea about the UK, would my life have been so different? I don't know.
I found this person online that has a blog and some music they created. A very gothic, creative... rather intelligent person with such a beautiful british accent/voice. I've been reading her stuff and she was representing that UK life I feel I've missed.
Should I take steps that could destroy this idealized vision I'm having about the UK? I've visited twice; a week each time. That didn't remotely dent it. I figured reading this person's blog might dent it. It's kind of a painful lamenting this thought about the UK... And things like visiting, reading this person's blog are/were painful. But on the other hand it's nice to pretend there's better things out there...
Anyway turns out this person had a second blog; a sex blog. She still is relatively intelligent but... I dunno. I have no position to find fault that I can figure out... But all the same it's kind of lessened this romanticization of the UK strangely... (I think of my song 'Falling'... an unfortunate realization... with a bit of comedy added. This seemingly intelligent person that I've idealized a bit is mostly just interested in taking it up the arse... hahaHA!) (But seriously, on the extremely unlikely change she's reading this, I don't think bad of her (YOU) at all.) Why that would be makes no logical sense. It's just one person I don't even really know at all. Just silliness. Too Far Future silliness. I'd be better off just thinking about short term fun like... sex with my spouse (like she's doing). But I just don't think that's really so interesting. TBH, I think I've mostly mastered the whole sex thing anyway and I don't need to spend much time thinking about it... Certainly don't need to do a bunch of writing about it. ...still the blog is the most interesting sex blog I've read. Rare for someone that seemingly intelligent to be spending such time on that subject...
As I get older I do notice I'm very slightly focusing on the here and now instead of the too far future. So perhaps eventually I'll get much more interested in sex but it seems unlikely. It would be like becoming a glutton... But maybe that's all life holds... And looking for happiness beyond that is just a waste.
It's said that people are really the same everywhere and that happiness must come from within. The former just isn't true. I haven't spent my whole life in WV. I've spent probably almost ten years total here and there and I've seen it's not true. As to the latter, it's partially true but can be carried to the ridiculous.
As to this idea about the UK, would my life have been so different? I don't know.
I found this person online that has a blog and some music they created. A very gothic, creative... rather intelligent person with such a beautiful british accent/voice. I've been reading her stuff and she was representing that UK life I feel I've missed.
Should I take steps that could destroy this idealized vision I'm having about the UK? I've visited twice; a week each time. That didn't remotely dent it. I figured reading this person's blog might dent it. It's kind of a painful lamenting this thought about the UK... And things like visiting, reading this person's blog are/were painful. But on the other hand it's nice to pretend there's better things out there...
Anyway turns out this person had a second blog; a sex blog. She still is relatively intelligent but... I dunno. I have no position to find fault that I can figure out... But all the same it's kind of lessened this romanticization of the UK strangely... (I think of my song 'Falling'... an unfortunate realization... with a bit of comedy added. This seemingly intelligent person that I've idealized a bit is mostly just interested in taking it up the arse... hahaHA!) (But seriously, on the extremely unlikely change she's reading this, I don't think bad of her (YOU) at all.) Why that would be makes no logical sense. It's just one person I don't even really know at all. Just silliness. Too Far Future silliness. I'd be better off just thinking about short term fun like... sex with my spouse (like she's doing). But I just don't think that's really so interesting. TBH, I think I've mostly mastered the whole sex thing anyway and I don't need to spend much time thinking about it... Certainly don't need to do a bunch of writing about it. ...still the blog is the most interesting sex blog I've read. Rare for someone that seemingly intelligent to be spending such time on that subject...
As I get older I do notice I'm very slightly focusing on the here and now instead of the too far future. So perhaps eventually I'll get much more interested in sex but it seems unlikely. It would be like becoming a glutton... But maybe that's all life holds... And looking for happiness beyond that is just a waste.
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