Not the right scene... there was a scene in this movie with the costar Bill Paxton where he's about to have an orgy with three 500 lb women. It's not that he's just got a thing for fat chicks, it's that he's got an extreme vitality/lust for life... I always liked the idea of being like that. And although 500 pounders are pushing it way too far I have tried to find the perspective where I could have such ..."vitality".. virility, whatever. Just to be that alive... I have tried to find a way where I find people attractive who really, by normal standards aren't. Just for fun, as I'm like that.

I don't know how it happened... was it from doing that... or did it just happen "naturally" later but I really like slightly androgounous(sp) or slightly manly women. Maybe I did the above and liked the results so much it stuck with me. (Lusting for really fat women has not stuck with me.) I can think of a number of women that most men would find a little disgusting in their manliness that I really find attractive.

Thing is a few of them are very alone. As being a manly women who still likes men (or thinks that they do... or some degree of whatever/confused). And so on top of that I feel like.. heh, I'd really like to show them that someone finds them very attractive. But married to a relatively conservative women I can't.

My current job has ruined my sexual appetite. Perhaps it's no big deal. But it makes me feel old.

In The Dark Backwards, it's a dystopia where people drink things like pig juice, that along with Paxton sucking slimey stuff off 500 lb women's breasts... My current job... heh. There are many ugly things tied into sex. I'm too aware of that to begin with and my new job (it's been 10 months now) brings certain ugliness into an even starker contrast. I don't think I've had sex 15 times in the last 8 months. I never thought I'd be the kind of person who rarely had sex. As that Paxton vitality used to be something I thought a good thing and prided myself on....

I love this movie though.