Power struggle/balance. Becoming a marionette. Becoming not you. Becoming incapable of being you. Forgetting what that even is...

....A different balance.... a mood balance... When one person is unhappy balancing them by being happier than you might otherwise be. And vice versa... But not everyone does it... and those who do, don't always.

There was once an unhappy person that I both "won" the power balance with and who was very unhappy. The result was me so at ease and naturally falling into a role of being so damm happy around them... trying to cheer them up and accomplishing the opposite I think. Like monkeys just... displaying dominance in some strange totally unmeant way. A smile Seems to mean such a different thing for humans... but does it really? Yes, it does. Sometimes.

Perhaps they're both just me. Too full of some kind of fear and the ultimate contrarian. Never have I thought any depressed person a "downer". Only happy people annoy me, lol.

These are all partial lies.

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Today I went to a football game and yelled "Yeah!" at the crucial moment of a long touchdown run. Froze my ass off and was bored by the conversation. 12 hours of stupid sexual puns. But all that trifling talk and laughing, it works so much better at the end, at the moment of dropping the people off and saying goodbye. It makes sense then, seems that things have been the way they were "supposed" to have been. I suppose...

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Discarded another song I wrote. So sick of music. Except this: