We can't hate that which we understand.
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If you truly understand someone you cannot help but love them.
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I vaguely remember thinking of love as truly understanding someone and that ideally with truly understanding everyone we could love everyone. And I mean by 'love' a very deep euphoric feeling. This contrasted to an idea lately of 'love' being more or less the opposite, where instead it's based on idealizing someone. Basically just pretending they're someone other than who they actually are. Or doing that to some extent anyway.

Which is more correct? I think when I felt the former, the highly positive feeling about love, I was at the time idealizing actually. And that exactly because I was idealizing my 'understanding' equaled truly loving the person. (Because they just then happened to be exactly what I wanted them to be. Because I simply decided to perceive them as exactly what I wanted them to be.)

The above is an example of failing utterly to pangloss anything. Here I started out trying to hope to for a change successfully say something positive.

The first quote: "We can't hate that which we understand."
Is true. I made it up.

The second quote: "If you truly understand someone you cannot help but love them."
I took from someone off of facebook. And unfortunately I can't see that it's quite true at this time...

I was hoping it could be true because that which appears to be evil is hard to spend much time facing. I can face it and manage to see that it's not actually evil. It's never actually evil and thus something to hate, it's instead always some combination of stupidity and/or ignorance. If only understanding this led to love. But stupidity and/or ignorance is not a thing to love at all. It's still an ugly thing I'd rather not spend a lot of time thinking about.

If instead focusing on that which appears to be evil led to understanding it and thus loving it, then it would be much easier to want to spend one's time focusing on that which appears to be evil. As it stands it is instead an activity that it's hard to stand doing much of, this recognition of stupidity/ignorance.

So, can I make it about love?

Love is such a motivator.

And it seems to me that ultimately my art must be about investigating, examining and understanding that which appears to be evil. Understanding every little facet of IT. If at the end of the tunnel stood love I could stand to do it much much more. Instead all I see is ugly ignorance, stupidity... fear. Nothing worthy of love... And it's slightly torturous to spend time dwelling on it.

Although still it is an attempt, no matter how unlike it is of any meaningful success, to do good. Ah, but it is an almost surely futile attempt which instead only leads to endless time spent dwelling on stupidity and ignorance. It is like torturing one's self with Fox news.

If the end result was that I could learn to love Bill O'Reilly (lol) then it wouldn't be so bad. But instead I can at best just learn to feel sorry for him, just feel sad about the harm he's causing. I cannot love such actions.

It's just torture to face that which appears to be evil. But I think it is perhaps an essential thing to do for the production of 'worthwhile' art...

Or maybe I could love Bill O'Reilly. Maybe I could work on that. Brings me back anyway to the point that I love complex real antagonists instead of the 2D stuff. What is the reality really? I can only look inside myself and try to find common points with such people it seems...

Which reminds me to think about lying. As I feel asleep last night I was trying to remember the examples of me still having dishonesty lurking within me. (And not practical stuff like saying I loved my last job at a job interview).

First thing that strangely came to mind is lying about the number of women I've slept with. Which is truly silly. What's wrong with the number of women I've slept with? I was imagining a scenario where I felt the need to hide how low the number was... Then when I actually thought about it, actually just simply used my fricking brain, the idea of hiding such a thing was clear in so many ways as simply STUPID.

And I fear that in understanding that which appears to be evil; that which is stupid or ignorant, there is unfortunately not usually some complex and interesting thing going on. Instead of some mistake hidden amongst a complex line of reasoning there is usually just blank stupidity at work. Just simply not thinking at all.

Which I suppose then the point is to understand why people don't want to think in the first place. Surely somewhere in here there is something actually interesting. And there's a myriad of reasons for that....

...heh. Why do I fear that? Being interesting is only related to writing stories. As far as that what is more or less interesting is reading about the protagonist's reaction to these actions, thoughts, etc which cause harm.

This is two different things I've slightly convoluted I think. Real life 'evil' which usually isn't very interesting and 'evil' within fiction stories which also usually isn't very interesting of itself. But two different things. In real life I want to find a way to stand thinking about 'evil'. In fiction stories it doesn't necessarily matter that in truth 'evil' isn't interesting. The positive reactions of the protagonist hopefully are.

Unfulfilled

3-29-82
Dear Marilyn,
I just wanted to let you know that Frank has divorced me. He met a 24yr old SPY, or tech last April that he decided he wanted to marry.
She is catholic and never married and didn't like that it would be his second divorce so she said goodbye. However, you know how he can fight for what he wants. Since he is going to Alaska from Korea and she is there I can only believe that perhaps she changed her mind.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know so if you ever wonder if you failed you could be assured that it is something in Frank that keeps him from being happy and making a marriage work. He has never learned to like himself and until he does he won't be happy with anyone and accept them and their faults.
He did say that he doesn't like himself very much when he thinks of Jay, because of his little contact. He also says you are not to blame for the breakup. I hope someday he can write and ask your forgivemess as he would like to do.
So, if you have any feeling left for him I ask your help in praying for him that he can learn to like himself and walk in God's way thereby accepting others and finally being fulfilled which is what he keeps searching for through new marriages.
He is working on Amerasian children and I hope God is working through them to show how he has deserted Jay and now two wives.
He has so much to be grateful for, but doesn't see it. He still feels like the poor, shy Frank growing up afraid to be called on in class and making a mistake and being laughed at.
He also worried about approaching 40 and losing out on something, never having dated much. So he says there is a black hole inside of him that is not fulfilled. Only God can give him the peace he is looking for and I hope he receives it someday.
I pray God has blessed you and Jay in your new life.

I'm that son. He's spoken to me twice in my life. Last time 15 years ago. Arranged to meet me then canceled because "(he) had to go to church." Never heard from him again. Has now been married four times. Daughter of above women (not related to me) mailed me on facebook a couple days ago. She says she believes the pain Frank caused her mom led to her eventually dying of cancer.

I think he must be a very unfulfilled person who looks to women to fill in what is missing. That 'being unfulfilled' affects a lot of people and takes different forms. It's naturally selected for so much because it happens to take the form of procreating with lots of different women.

I have plenty of unfulfillment in me. I don't really look to women to magically give my life meaning... At least not in the way good ole Frank does. I do think happiness ultimately must come from within. I do believe like the religious guru from that commune in New Mexico. Line up the men and women across from each other and you marry whoever you're across from.

Everyone is beautiful and worthy of love. I loved Don't Mess with the Zohan incidentally; really really loved him making love to all those old women at the hair salon. Same idea with Paxson in The Dark Backwards and Sutherland in Fellini's Cassanova.

Which I suppose it annoys me that such just isn't allowed actually in this world...

Anyway at the same time that most everyone is wonderful, I don't believe any one person Should be crucial to my happiness. And I think without exception I've found this easy enough to see when any given person is right in front of me.

But when the symbols get vague. When it's not someone right in front of me. Then perhaps I must start doing what Frank does a bit more. Bizarre idealisations that kind of hurt me. Really hurt at times. That simultaneously are beautiful. That I think still I'd rather get around by making them Not So Vague! If any given person is real, not vague, not idealized/symbolized, then I don't think it's an issue.

But, it's not a big deal. Maybe some vague symbols are harmless enough. Little bit annoying though at times when some given person I just can't make them not that way, in my mind. (As it does hurt a bit, here and there.) Extremely rare thing also.

And I'm the sort of person who'll make sure to not end up like a Frank.