Rooting out the magic... I think to enjoy music it must have something that is "magical" about it. Lately I've not enjoyed music much.

When younger I'd visit/move to new places and they'd have their own unique feel to them. It seemed a thing of magic to me. I wasn't able to logically understand how they "felt". Occasionally synethesia became involved. I remember driving in the middle of the night to San Franciso when I was 18 and it had such a strong feel and I even started to smell this... calming smell. (I whom have almost no sense of normal smell.)

Fort Ord was like the president's nuclear holocaust dream in Dreamscape.
Kentucky was like that place in Stephen King's The Stand; an awful dead place.
West Virginia is slightly positive. Not so many unhappy spirits, quiet at least.
For all it's chavs etc England was overflowing with magic. I'm someone else there...
Germany is hard to make sense of... like I wasn't really there...
Many places had not much feel though...New England, Crete, Maryland, Florida, New Mexico. Many just felt slightly sleepy like Niagara/Toronto.

Is it not all a pile of shaving cream? Was there really no magic? Just really unexamined thinking, preconceptions, a very few visual cues, etc, thrown together and becoming some psuedo magic? No different than people who think they're psychics/mediums?

No amount of time in Kentucky would change it. It is an evil place. Happy people from there are to be avoided...

I'd so much like it to be all magic going on within me. I can't quite stand to find out how wrong I am. I need some belief in magic. I'm losing what little I had.

The UK was especially some "magical" place. Not for any particular logical reason. But for magical reasons. I feel I was predestined to live there. That something went horribly awry. But it's a bit of belief in magic that is leaving me now. Ultimately I saw english TV shows and they sounded smarter with their pretty accents. They were the best TV shows (Doctor Who, Monty Python). Better than anything here. So, you know, half assed thinking when 10 or so became ingrained in me somehow very deeply beyond logical thought. But then furthermore I had the sex hormones running like crazy back then (must reproduce!!!) so I attached the idea of a english woman. That became a part of the predestined feel. But it was a vague thing of course. Now I Know real live people from the UK, with beautiful accents and they're too real. They can't be a part of that predestined stupid "magical" notion. They must be sufficiently vague for it to work.

You see you have to take a human and turn them into a symbol; much like is done with "love" as Zizek so complains about... (at least I think that's part of what he's getting at). And anyway, it's an awful thing to do to anyone; this turning of people into symbols. It takes some ignoring who they really are.

But then... as so much successful reproducing is accomplished thanks to this "love" perhaps people learn to act in ways where it's hard to not turn them into a symbol...