So it would definitely be too much trouble to keep multiple journals... I think. As opposed to just writing a bunch of different stuff in a single journal. The issue is diary type stuff. I've held back from including it here mostly. I shouldn't have. Will hold back less in the future. Good to have a clue who I was etc 10 years from now. I think back to who I was ten, 20 years previous. I have unusually good reasons for wondering if I was very similar as in some ways I've changed hugely over the years.

But ultimately I always had flashes of impressive intelligence combined with flat old stupidity. I scored in the 99.85%ile on the GRE. Had a bad day and scored in the 98%ile of my nursing entrance exam. Am barely surviving actual nursing school. Questions are way too subjective.

As with the AMA where half the potentially good doctors are turned away simply to maintain artificial scarcity and keep salaries inflated. So it goes in other fields I guess. It is capitalism. There must be pain for those who do OK. And there must be some who don't make it... So we have nursing school. My younger sister is a nurse. She was the dumb one in the family. She says she could teach me what I need to know to be a nurse in a couple weeks on the job. Every test I learn the material and then only get an 80/75% because there are always a number of extremely vague questions.

Your patient has trouble swallowing. Should you tell the nurses aide to:
A. feed him small amounts
B. cut his food into bite sized pieces

It so happens that I am a nurses aide on a neurology floor. I got this extremely vague question wrong. This question has nothing to do with anything really. Just a random spinning of the wheel to ensure there are some failures.

I'm thinking of a number. Is it:
A. 3
B. 7

Trying to just keep my mouth shut as I won't be changing the way things are done here. Perhaps I'll mess up big time these last few crucial tests. Probably I won't. No point getting annoyed/angry about it.

So close to freedom now. I suppose I could just take this week off..? Just daydream through class. Doesn't matter. Lectures are taped. Next week off. Tonight will look into building some cheap cat shelters. That will be fun. I remember I used to yearly try to save a few hundred tadpoles before parents cleaned their pool up for the summer.

I'd put them in a kiddie pool and they'd turn into frogs and hop away. Always loved frogs. One year my retarded rightwing brother-in-law flipped the kiddie pool when they were still all tadpoles, thus killing them all. The pathological liar... the very bad patholgical liar whom constantly tells lies that are so obvious they are that much more insulting claimed he didn't notice the 500 tadpoles in the pool.

I'm so impressed with myself that I never beat the living crap out of him; the stuff he's done. The thing is, ultimately it'd be like fighting a marshmellow. Lucky for him. (Not an issue now; this violence. Was when younger. Lucky for him back then he's such a pitiful marshmellow it held me back, he's done far worse than the... silly tadpole thing. That's nothing.)
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How different, how the same was I ten years previous?

More temper. More sexual. More likely to destroy a multiple choice test but I think I can pretty much ignore these nursing tests. They are not about common sense. They are a special kind of learning to conform I think. Where it's not about logical thinking. It's about almost instinctually knowing what actions will be pleasing to the authority figure. So like Airman Mantooth lies and says he didn't have money to get a haircut. Why? Because it's not about universal ideals; not about the universal ideal of honesty. It's about the ideals of The Group. About being a team; working together. Pointing out this other's person dishonesty would show that the team was really not working together at all and instead it was just every man for himself. This would anger the leader, the older man.

Reading and loving Zizek. Wow! Wonderful stuff... Very... nourishing. Anyway though perhaps he doesn't understand (or I should say doesn't give enough emphasis) how men think in terms of groups, that such is our evolution. That it's rarely really about universal ideals.

And so, smaller meals or cut into bite sized pieces? Don't think logically about how we have no idea at all what the consistency of the food is. Don't think about how we should assume a continuum from steak to yogurt. Some bell sized probabilty curve of what consistency the food might be..... TBH, I have no clue how in the world anyone would deduce the correct answer is small amounts.

If you have to cut it, it's too hard. It should be food that doesn't need cutting therefore it's small amounts? Why would someone make such assumptions? They get the orders wrong all the time at the hospital. In class they've told us repeatedly not to make assumptions.

Oh, stupid to bother thinking about. Just a retarded question. When I hear other people got 90plus percent I think they must be stupid. Or perhaps much, much better at just instinctually assimilating correctly. This isn't logic. It's not universal ideals. The world we live in today is the result of some groups defeating others through violence. Being able to think logically was helpful... but it's a special kind of logic. Where the ability to think logically doesn't get in the way of the mindless assimilating necessary for the group to work very well together. IOW to just follow whoever managed to get the power thanks to their shortcomings. (Their power hungryness). To listen to the order to go kill those other people.

It is the same. The disregarding of logic and instead mindless conforming. The reason why it works, the reason it exists in our society is because it was a beneficial trait. A trait that increased the potential to spread genes. Because it meant listening to the power hungry leader and killing the Others. This same trait (mindless assimilation) is then used for things not related to war/violence. Mundane crap including even this nursing program, in which the material is too easy so they have to put extremely subjective questions and just almost arbitrarily flunk a few people. Which ends up being perhaps a few who don't instinctually assimilate to whatever illogical type of thinking they are supposed to be applying.