I had this strange feeling for a decade or two that I was meant to have lived in the UK. And that I've really missed out on a lot of stuff in that I instead lived in West Virginia. It's about the people I think I might have known living there instead of here... Friends, loves....

It's said that people are really the same everywhere and that happiness must come from within. The former just isn't true. I haven't spent my whole life in WV. I've spent probably almost ten years total here and there and I've seen it's not true. As to the latter, it's partially true but can be carried to the ridiculous.

As to this idea about the UK, would my life have been so different? I don't know.

I found this person online that has a blog and some music they created. A very gothic, creative... rather intelligent person with such a beautiful british accent/voice. I've been reading her stuff and she was representing that UK life I feel I've missed.

Should I take steps that could destroy this idealized vision I'm having about the UK? I've visited twice; a week each time. That didn't remotely dent it. I figured reading this person's blog might dent it. It's kind of a painful lamenting this thought about the UK... And things like visiting, reading this person's blog are/were painful. But on the other hand it's nice to pretend there's better things out there...

Anyway turns out this person had a second blog; a sex blog. She still is relatively intelligent but... I dunno. I have no position to find fault that I can figure out... But all the same it's kind of lessened this romanticization of the UK strangely... (I think of my song 'Falling'... an unfortunate realization... with a bit of comedy added. This seemingly intelligent person that I've idealized a bit is mostly just interested in taking it up the arse... hahaHA!) (But seriously, on the extremely unlikely change she's reading this, I don't think bad of her (YOU) at all.) Why that would be makes no logical sense. It's just one person I don't even really know at all. Just silliness. Too Far Future silliness. I'd be better off just thinking about short term fun like... sex with my spouse (like she's doing). But I just don't think that's really so interesting. TBH, I think I've mostly mastered the whole sex thing anyway and I don't need to spend much time thinking about it... Certainly don't need to do a bunch of writing about it. ...still the blog is the most interesting sex blog I've read. Rare for someone that seemingly intelligent to be spending such time on that subject...

As I get older I do notice I'm very slightly focusing on the here and now instead of the too far future. So perhaps eventually I'll get much more interested in sex but it seems unlikely. It would be like becoming a glutton... But maybe that's all life holds... And looking for happiness beyond that is just a waste.