Demonizers, Force, Indifference.

You see what you think is indifference and demonize the person. And think the demon can only be controlled with force. They in turn see you the same and blah de bleh. (Seeing someone as a demonizer doesn't necessarily make you in turn one. Nor does the usage of the word...)

Anyway, this worked I suppose. This blog at least, if nothing else. Just need to find the power cord to my old laptop...

New house. Beautiful. (...no... it's not a sort of panglossianism...) There's something about the one room with the fake fireplace and the slanted high ceiling. That it's slanted may even be essential. Also feel less confined. Also fire. It is real fire. Something about sitting... lounging on a massive couch in front of a fire with no ceiling so close to one's head.

It's like the perfect room, somehow. It's an L shape. Three open rooms going 37 feet to the left. 30 feet to the right. 16 feet above. The fireplace on mid left and wondows on mid right facing a massive oval couch. 12 feet in diameter.

Outside yesterday in the yard: ten deer. There is a mom and her two children here everyday. Wasn't sure they'd find the corn in the grass. They really did. There was also a massive owl sitting in the grass one day. I'd never seen an owl in this area before. Was it eating corn? I'd thought them carnivores.

Off to Vancouver in a couple days. What to do there?

Health is very good. Back to grease the groove ("synaptic facillitation"). Sleeping decent. Some variant of it was always the best.

Those three concepts (demonizers, force, indifference..) they're one way to look at it. One way to (loosely) divide it. They work well.

Looking for massive pictures to hang on a few large walls. Not happy with what I've found. The 15th century is the best so far. Bosch still, actually. And I didn't realize how damm popular The Garden of Earthly Delights was.

Finishing up shelves for room. (Staining vertical surfaces didn't work well.) Probably done tomorrow. What to build next? Maybe something musical.

Still want some VST with alternate tone capabilities that can do more/sound better than homegrown piano. Maybe Z3TA.

I want better sounds in general.

I guess I've been really busy lately.

...as I reread Robin Hobb it's clearer than ever before. I won't be stumbling blindly through the wilderness quite so bad now. Still see the potential for taking big wrong turns though. It might be best to just reread a couple of her books over and over and over again. Hopefully noticing more and more. The seeming imperfections. And the greater problems that attempting to "fix" them would cause.

This desktop is in a 7 by 7 foot room which was meant to serve as a very large closet. The main room it's off of has the massive book shelves I'm building. This little room has no window. I shall probably just use it for music usually. Laptop downstairs is the best room. I slept on the massive half oval couch today from 9AM to 5PM. I've noticed the light matters not to me at all. Windows open with sun shining in. Doesn't bother me at all.

Finally, a thing which I find it seems must remain unspoken. For to speak it seems to shatter it. But left unspoken I fear I'll forget it. But the latter worries me much less.

A giving up. A melancholy. And ultimately an overall substantial increase in happiness.