'(Says her unconscious)'.

The unconscious/subconscious is what's interesting. But how does one 'show, not tell' the unconscious? The standard writing form is (sigh) a slightly bizarre thing. I think of Hobb's trilogy where after 2000 pages she finally goes into the mind of the main bad guy. After 2000 pages we finally get to see what this guy is actually thinking, we finally get to understand why he acts like that. For two single pages we go into his mind.

And it wouldn't work any other way. It has to be held back, concealed, in order to work. And it's nice that finally we find out (That's it! That's all?) But that part isn't really that important. The concealing is what matters. Without it there's far less reason to bother reading 2000 pages. Without the concealing the whole thing just dissipates into nothing.

This is the form. This is writing. Is it actually a lie which brings us closer to the truth? Or is it just about making sure there will always be an unknown? An unknown which exists simply thanks to lying?

Perhaps it's just to mirror the real world where we generally don't know. There are always things we just don't know. There is always adversity. So you've a book full of people trying to persevere in the face of the unknown/adversity. Thing is perhaps to understand that the two go together. Without an unknown there possibly isn't really much adversity... And so we read of people trying to persevere in the face of adversity. And if we made the unknown known we're just destroying most/all of the feeling of adversity.

Dance for me. Put on an act for me. Be 'fun' to be around. Smile, make me feel at ease, show that you're no kind of threat.

'ring ring'

"mom, it's doris."

"Tell her I'm not here..." ("I can't stand to put on the act right now. I feel too awful....", (says her unconscious.))

ringaringaring that phone. Everyone wanting my mommy to dance. She's so popular!

Meanwhile stepfather will not act. ('How incredibly rude!') He refuses to dance for anyone. Blunt, to the point, totally honest. ('Bastard!') The only people who call want money (he gives away a ton). And he'll talk to anyone at anytime unless he's in the middle of sleeping. He'll dial a wrong number and have a 5 minute conversation with the person.

He believes the only reason for being alive is to make the world a better place.

Everyone hates him. He doesn't have a friend in the world (other than stepson and wife). Luckily he doesn't care. He thinks I'm the most amazing person he's ever known. Poor poor man.

-

...make up negative things about other people so that we have something to talk about. Come on share some gossip. You think he's mentally unstable and might try to kill you? Well, that's some good gossip. Ha HA. Excellent insinuation.

(A week later.) Gee, he seems really subdued(sp) and unhappy at work today as opposed to his usual frenetic self. Oh well.

Every person is a threat. You just don't know what they might do. Keep them at distance. Don't be open with them. Avoid the phone like the plague. Just communicate through facebook and email. Find one single person you can actually open up to. Actually be real with. Only one! One person can supply your every emotional need, at least until you've reproduced.

At least for all others (at least) every face to face interaction, every speaking interaction, is an act. A somewhat stressful act, because it's somewhat dishonest isn't it? As it is an act. And because, again, every person is a threat.

And those who didn't play it like this died. Slowly but surely mankind reached this point. Being suspicious, being full of fear, assuming the worst, demonizing, these things work. The goal is not for the individual to have a good time. The goal is for the individual to reproduce and this is how it's done. One just barely has enough of a good time that they bother to stay alive and reproduce, mostly thanks to an awful memory.

The side effect is that this world is hell. Bearable to the extent you ignore or constantly forget virtually everything in it.

And that too by the way, has been a goal of evolution. The people who manage a twisted sort of intelligence, where they can operate heavy machinery, fill out difficult paperwork, determine exactly which act to put on, etc, at the same time that they're oblivious to just what this world is and what they're doing, these are the people who pass on their genes.

Learn these.

91. /6JI
This is 7/6, 8/6, 9/6, 10/6, 11/6, and 2/1. I thought it sounded very similar to something from a zelda game but I searched and searched and can't actually find anything similar to it. The zelda music is very chirpy and fast paced in comparison. Maybe something deep inside a castle that wasn't posted online or I couldn't find.

My curiousity in alternate scales taken all the way should mean trying to isolate a single variable. But that kind of rigor would ruin the enjoyment. Needs to be both. This inbetween thing where I'm both just curious what such and such might sound like while at the same time somewhat bothering to make things that I actually like the sound of.

Mostly driven by curiousity though.

90. /3 and 4 just intonation.
This was an experiment using just the ratios: 5/4, 4/3, 3/2, 5/3, 7/4, 2/1. Which is to say, just dividing by 3 and 4. I figured it would be so consonant that I could perhaps otherwise just randomly play notes and it might still seem musical/pleasing to the ears. So, it is pretty close to random. Although a relatively high note is generally followed by a relatively low note with really high notes and really low notes spaced out somewhat evenly. Otherwise I again want to not know where I'm at in the song. Just a whole bunch of notes that can't be predicted but are yet relatively consonant. And that one can find bits of traditional melody within it, but which it doesn't follow, instead wandering off again and again.

This was the first scala file I made. Making the file took about 30 seconds. Once I finally figured out how to do it. I could make a youtube tutorial that would take 10 seconds.

Also I see myself much younger waking up early and something like a church (but not really) playing something like this very loudly each morning (or once a week? or whatever calendar system would be used..) so that it reverberates throughout the community much like church bells, etc sometimes does in our world. This would be played as a sort of improvisation. Where there are some basic parameters combined with plenty of the random. As the player does it over and over again, they get better at it. This here was, BTW, me actually playing (with quantisization, etc afterwards). But I haven't practiced, with more practice there would be less of the random... although again, that would mean more of knowing where you're at in the song (how close to it's end/death) with respect to it being a recording.

In this other world the technology is in some ways greater while in other ways seems medieval. I guess the idea is using more wisdom with regards to technology. So, I get up to a verdant world in a connected commnity and I walk a relatively short distance to wherever it is I'm going. This plays in the background. It's a positive bit of music for a much more positive world than this one.

As it's reverberating all around us, it would have more reverb than the version I finally posted online. The idea then is to play it loud from a room or two away, with doors closed, etc so that the listener can control the amount of reverb themselves. (You can always put more yourself, but you can't take away recorded reverb.)

The problem with the standard greeting between two people (Hi! How are you?") is that it's pretending the two people are a part of a community when almost always they aren't. In truth it's not only a lie when it's a person you've never met before and will never meet again, say working at WalMart or whatever, it's still a lie even when the person saying it is someone you work with.

In either case, because you're not a part of an actual community with them, the only answer is to pretend you're just fine no matter how you may actually be feeling. Because of course it's not really anything to them if you're not doing well at all. It's not actually any of their business or concern and they're not going to do anything to help you out if you're not actually doing fine.

But as bizarre as the pretending you're just fine is no matter how you actually feel, the really bizarre part is the pretending you're a part of a community with the person in the first place, and thus have any business asking such a question.

The whole thing is a fucking bizarre charade; the pretending we are all a part of some big happy fucking community when actually we're almost all isolated, disconnected people who have to pretend we're happy with each other not only for the above reason but further, because you can lose you're fucking job if you don't appear suffciently mindlessly happy.

These constant strangers asking how I am, I want to respond: I'm not a part of a community with you. You're a total stranger to me who couldn't possibly care less how I'm doing. Quit pretending we're a part of community. There is no community. There is no connection at all.

Today my wife wanted to go to Taco Hell (she eats that unethical disgusting swill, I don't). Through the drive through some anonymous voice asks how she's doing today. She politely responds, "just fine, and how are you?" Speaking to an anonymous voice of someone if she even was seeing them, she'd have never seen them before or would ever see them again. I'm driving and so I'm in the middle of this bizarre conversation from Mars and I want to scream, "WE DON'T FUCKING KNOW YOU. YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW US. QUIT PRETENDING WE'RE A PART OF SOME NON-EXISTENT COMMUNITY!"

Of course her boss just makes her ask how we're doing. It would be ridiculous to yell that. Incredibly stupid to bother doing so. Just as dumb to go inside and find the manager and yell it at him. Of course don't say anything.

The whole subject... I'm a drop against an ocean. Full of rage at the moment. Being "artistic" at the moment because I feel that it might lead to something useful. Might lead to some kind of worthwhile truth. But really it's just dangerous. Not satified with my lump of coal. Might end up with nothing at all.

A drop that doesn't even exist.