What to write about?
1. What makes people breakdown.
2. Demonization/suspicion/the inability to accurately assess what are and aren't actual threats.
3. Ugly thoughts that plague a person. Memory.
4. Revenge, the impossibility of it...
5. A world where everyone merely survives, how the remains of a less peaceful more refined race are crushed by it.
6. Isolation.
7. A world that doesn't deserve to be saved.
8. All men not being themselves, forever afraid to appear "gay". Making sure to only do mere survival related things. To be less expressive, etc. To be stoic.
9. Afraid to try because of fear of failure.
10. Ways the selfish justify their behavior. The destruction of moral logic. Turn it into white and black. Morality becomes self interest. Morality becomes following post-industrial social norms. Etc.
11. The magical unknown. Animals, etc that don't speak. Fish rarely seen in the water. The dark. The forest full of leaves in the summer. Filling the unknown with infinity/god unconsiously.
12. The illogic of everything. Religionism and atheism. There is nothing actually that is logical. Choose your illogic.
13. The hero looking/searching the world for his kind. Realizing there appear to be none at all. And thus this world truly can't change. This world is actually, exactly how it should be for the people whom live in it. There's not really even a minority that wants it to change. It is hopeless.
14. That which can see more than it's own viewpoint. The androgynous person. The cat that acts like a dog. The athletic intellectual. Etc.
15. The feeling that you were destined for something which has been forever lost. (I was supposed to have been born and lived in the UK for example....)
16. Being worked to death.
17. Mistakenly assuming goodness on the part of others because one can't stand the reality. And/or Lovecraft's correlation (which is much larger, comes back to the necessity of illogic.)
18. Useful info? Useful odds and ends??? Blueberry smoothies help cure insomnia..???
19. Lord of the Flies. The essential nature of mankind...? Killing machines. Only altruistic to the extent small groups can then better kill others...
20. Mass culture being dumbed down. The more connected, the more of a monopoly, the more stupid the art.
21. Idiocracy. Evolving into stupidity. And/or the evolutionary edge. Too much intelligence makes one less likely to successfully reproduce. (Neanderthals were large/muscular, had red hair, larger brain capacities and did cross breed a little before going extinct... Wife says I am one.) Slavery probably should not be mentioned here. But serfdom/brutal capitalism...?
22. Misremembering the past. Panglossing it. Or at least thankfully forgetting it so that you can stand to repeat the same negatives over and over.
23. Panglossing reality. Learning to love capitalism. Or slavery. Or monarchism, etc.
24. The mindlessness/laziness of absolute morality as opposed to utilitarianism.
25. Being too busy barely surviving one's self to show consideration for others.
26. The closeminded. Removing whoever disagrees with you from your life. Post-industrial living. Instead of resolving differences just keep discarding to you find someone who is exactly the same as you. Until a couple years later when you've both changed and are no longer identical. At which point you then discard them and find some new person you're now identical to.
27. Weird ideas about bugs. Their surrealism.
28. Not having a clue about one's own sub/unconscious. Not even understanding what you yourself actually think. The atheist not realizing he's full of mystical thinking which is essential to him/her.
29. The power struggle of relationships. If one person perceives they are superior and the other feels inferior, the one is at ease and the other isn't. If they manage to feel relatively equal, then maybe no problem. If they don't feel equal, the relationship can't work. Either way. If even one feels inferior or superior, the relationship will be an ugly thing.
30. Controlling people through fear and the negative result.
31. The process of laughing (unexpected wrongs, giving up, euphoria)
32. The process of falling asleep (thoughts turn to nonsense, giving up, another sort of euphoria)
33. The connection between falling asleep and laughing
34. psuedo democracy when billionaires own all the radio and TV combined with social isolation.
35. Planned obscelence(sp)
36. Making being off the grid illegal
38. Simplicity is escapist. Simple characters are usually the heart of fantasy fiction.
39. Boredom is the result of a classification system. Dumb people don't get bored. But perhaps people with crude classification systems get bored more easily? Through classifying we don't live in the moment as much.
40. The genesis of mythical creatures
41. The disregarding of the unknown. Not treating it with reverence. Not caring about it. Like the men in the castle who burn the contents of each next room without having any idea what they might by destroying. No interest in learning.
42. Dislike of the assimilated weak. You make dystopia possible. TV show What Would You Do is all about indifference thanks primarily to fear.
43. How sick being close with only a single person is.
44. Prole evolution. Mere survival evolution
45. The heart of racism: being bad at accurately assessing threats. One errs towards suspicion.
46. Giving up on the grand party. Realizing there's nothing out there at all. Ending The Search. All is within or nowhere.
47. The degree of relevance of your dreams correlates to your happiness/mental 'health'.
48. The unknown is magic. Cats not speaking even.
49. In the real world, first time meetings are always very very boring. Must almost always not be realistic in fiction concerning this.
50. Piercing the obscurity of the minute processes of human life
51. escapism versus realism and the lie which brings us closer to the truth...
52. common enemy brings people together
53. Always slightly random but never pointless. (Art)
54. Subconsciously feeling like god is against you. (even as an proclaimed atheist)
55. ...with dying all stress can go away. No longer have to worry so much about the stuff of this world. Don't have to worry about how I'm spending my life. Because it's about done, too late now anyway.
But now, it's no longer too late. And this was a poorly spent day.
56. The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." Lovecraft
57. Can't be bothered to find the paper I wrote on... But when this life is no longer the grand stage, when this life is not The Place and instead just some time killed at the airport, when this life isn't The Life. When there really isn't any Grand Party that is being missed, when nothing Really Matters.... then death isn't so particularly bad. And then one is more able to enjoy time spent enjoying simple things. And one doesn't have such a Hypertrophied Soul...
58. The necessity of myopia for sanity/happiness.
59. Appearing intelligent (elegance) and purposely being incomprehensible in the university setting.
60. ...There is no point in trying to revenge oneself. "Everything will be forgotten. There will never be any redress for anything."
61. Whenever Ludvík finds himself in a group of people, he always wonders how many of them would be willing to send their fellow mortals to death, only because the collective has demanded this....
62. ...Kitsch is a beautiful lie, which hides all the negative aspects of life and deliberately ignores the existence of death....
63. The immorality of happiness in dystopia
64. The necessity of the word 'love' being so vague.
65. Memory, not endlessly repeating the same negative actions thanks to it. But being stuck endlessly remembering past negative actions thanks to it....
66. One reason to be closeminded: "You're nothing but a superficial shell. A husk of foozy(?) consciousness ready to be torn off at a moment's notice."
67. "hypertrophied souls" The need to do something special. Unable to lie back in the grass and happily watch the clouds go by.
68. Modern isolated society
69. "socialists" whom ensure capitalism by all their social norms. Going on about this or that issue yet isolationist, rugged individuals at heart, etc.
70. The key to happiness is significant, meaningful, lasting relationships.
71. Capitalsm Laws:
a. The majority always working just about as much as they can stand.
b. Middle Management(the overseers) can't be very smart. (Usually).
c. Short of technological innovation taking people "off the grid" it's highly unlikely to really bring people any more happiness. (Excepting some medical innovations.)
d. It's a system where the losers starve. It's fear based.
73. To speak the truth when it will do no good? (utilitarism vs. the deontological brave (lazy and self centered) martyr)
74. Demonization
75. Fake smiles-not a threat,considerate enough to keep it light and fluffy,
76. Humans as marionette's, every action just an act, social norms actor, everything is a lie. Your entire existence.
77. Light and fluffy/fake smile evolution taken to the concentration camp.
78. Creating malevolent god for whom you survive just to spite. (My god, such dark thoughts...)
79. To be an angel amoungst demons. Analogy to demonstrate the absurdity.
80. Analogies in general to show the absurdity of capitalism, meat-eating, etc.
81. No amount of philosophy can replace human interactions....?
82. How awful it is to remember how awful the past was. Please misremember and pangloss it and have some nostalgia for a life that never was....
83. slow suicide through junk food, etc.
84. Subconsciously hoping for death.
85. chop chop, tick tock (pain, boredom) (fear, nihilism)
86. The strange sickness of music performed for a massive audience. All those people just standing around or "dancing" as they sometimes call it.
87. Does that which doesn't kill us make us stronger?
88. Cutting off the meaningless, the lies, such that there's nothing left but to sit at home alone.
89. Panglossianism
90. all novels are decadent. Short stories padded.
91. The real escape of escapist fiction is to simplistic 2D people.
92. exaggerated dystopia where people never speak to one another face to face
93. The necessity of mysticism to bother creating art.
94. Not actually allowed to help in this dystopia. Monogamy / extreme homophobia/fear of anything that might be remotely perceived as "gay" / rugged individualist, etc.
95. The need for "prvacy" (secrecy) in dystopia. Don't ask how much money someone makes for example. In utopia we'd know one another's situation in order to know when and how to help each other. In dystopia "privacy" is extreme importance.
96. So much harder for the intelligent, educated man to survive slavery, serfdom, unregulated capitalism, etc. (Fredrik Douglas) "I have found that, to make a contented slave, it is necessary to make a thoughtless one. It is necessary to darken his moral and mental vision, and, as far as possible, to annihilate the power of reason."
97. Technology as a tool of isolation.
98. Spread nasty rumors/ugly gossip why? Because having a mutual enemy will make us closer friends. And when you're not here and the person we're currently bad mouthing is, we'll do the same to you so our own relationship will be strengthened.
99. The evolutionary edge: Smart but not too smart. Too much and you see what this world is... what your life is...
100. The social norms mean lying. The standard greeting for example means pretending people are part of a community that doesn't actually exist, etc. Pretending to care about people whom if they didn't show up at work tomorrow we'd simply never see them again and hardly even reflect on it. They ask how you are, pretending they actually care and you have to lie and say you're fine no matter what, because of course if you're not actually fine, so what? What are they going to do about it? Nothing. So they lie and you have to lie back. And the pretending helps keep a situation that would otherwise be intolerable, tolerable.
These constant strangers asking how I am, I want to respond: I'm not a part of a community with you. You're a total stranger to me who couldn't possibly care less how I'm doing. Quit pretending we're a part of community. There is no community. There is no connection at all.
101. Self persecution/self doubt (same thing actually) Kakfa's The Trial.
102. Everyone is smiling in the dystopia. The frowners are malcontents. Radicals. Revolutionaries. Not good yesmen. Not to be trusted with jobs.
103. Functional forgiving versus dsyfunctional forgiving is understanding versus forgetting.
104. Imaginary eyes
105. Wind the fear spring and watch them go.
106. The imagination to imagine what could be juxtaposed with what is....
107. The positivity cult:
You could join a social movement working to create an adequate safety net or to bring about more humane corporate policies, but those efforts might take a lifetime. For now, you can only change your perception of reality, from negative and bitter to positive and accepting. This was the corporate world's great gift to it's laid-ff employees and the overworked survivors--positive thinking.
108. Almost random creativity. Almost random oracles. Almost random.
109. The bad humor of saints. Treating people badly is unexpected.
110. Politics: Left-thinking the best of most people. Right-thinking the worst.
111. Happy people, those not consumed by fear/suspicion, those not busy trying to just survive themselves, are the ones finally in a position to be something other than indifferent towards others. Although OTOH people with lifelong cushy lives maybe don't have as much empathy for other's hardships.
112. Public Service Nightmares.
113. Short term: positivity cult, just believe this is the best of all possible worlds. Long term: see it for what it is, delve into that which is wrong.
114. The highly "moral" are zombiefied.
115. "Stalking" is (sometimes) related to the anti-post-industrial mindset. The return to people living in real communities where you don't just abruptly drop connections without adequate explanation.
116. Hide disagreements because you assume everyone's as closeminded as yourself. Hide disagreements because you assume ugly things (potential violence, etc) from those who disagree. Hide disagreements because you're not idealistic, you don't believe people can work together.
117. Believing in evil is necessary to get angry, which was evolutionarily beneficial because it helped one in committing violence. But is there anyone really evil? Or is it all really stupidity? How does the genius avoid being consumed by hate? While at the same time avoiding being considered an arrogant elitist?
118. OJ for back pain. Blueberry smoothies for sleep.
119. The idealist. The one who refuses to embrace the reality of this world, is partially not even here.
120. Post industrial living is more stressful? So many people with power over you to miscommunicate with while the majority are always getting pushed about as hard as they can stand as opposed to growing crops where you do what you can and either nature cooperates or doesn't. Then add in fewer meaningful long lasting relationships. Instead home alone watching TV. Less time outside and so on.
121. The man who questions everything appears unsure and nervous. The confident man mindlessly mimics others. Mindlessly follows tradition. The freethinker, to the extent he's really questioning, is in for hell. The traditionalist is completely unethical. To mindlessly follow tradition in this here world means to be without morals.
122. it is only possible to be an angel in a dystopia if you are a monster.
123. The prizing of the cubicle job and lack of esteem for those who do actually useful work.
124. The flaming hoop system. Learning and doing tons and tons of useless things basically just in order to have the proper credentials whereby you'll someday be allowed to hold a real job. Where you'll be worked about as much as you can stand. This system because under capitalism everyone will always be working as much as they can stand. And as technology increasingly does our work, we pointlessly stay in school for longer and longer.
125. The power hungry surrounding themselves with yesmen. Not even consciously. And those around the power hungry automatically becoming yesmen, even if maybe that's not really what the power hungry wanted. Which in turn makes the power hungry even more bereft of any self doubt, even more... wrong.
126. Utopia for the unethical. Dystopia for the highly ethical.
127. The mass production of art results in a sickness where the artist's motivation is to be famous. Simultaneously the vast majority of artists don't get adequate recognition. Decreases equality.
128. The will never again be a communist revolution because compared to the past we're now:
A. living in isolation. All sense of community is gone thanks to cars, TV and the internet.
B. at a nuch higher level of technology meaning better communication, better weapons, better systems for keeping tabs onteh citizens. Thus the power divide is far greater.
C. The military is extreme rightwing anymore. A revolution will almost certainly bring in a rightdictator and/or theocracy now.
D. The mass media now controls the thoughts of the people so, so, so much better. Communism has been successfully demonized where once it wasn't.
129. Show the usual panglossian adaptations people make applied to a far worse dystopia.
130. Unethical because you value the materialistic too much. The unzombie. Unethical because you just don't have much of an over-I.
131. Morality is:
some degree of altruism.
Altruism is:
self interst with some degree of long term forethought.
132. Someone said the internet isn't real. Well, in face to face interactions no one is real either. The internet was hopefully a way to uncover the parts hidden in the endless banal and pointless face to face interactions where people are doing nothing more than having ritualistic conversations the goals of which are highly crude. Not much more than sniffing each other's ass. The smile to say I'm not a threat, etc.
In face to face interactions you get 10% of the truth. On the internet the hope is that some part of the other 90% will peek through.
That's been my hope anyway.
And it certainly has peeked through at times.
And what has mostly peeked through is incredibly ugly.
But still what we have in online interactions amounts to about 3% of the truth as opposed to 10% generally speaking in face to face
133. As opposed to the butterfly effect, if you went back and changed the past, it wouldn't make a difference, eventually things would end up the same.
134. To make a good story, do the opposite of this blog. Withhold in order to keep people reading. Tease. Withhold justice. Withhold to keep mystery.
135. Hate is a reaction to the perception of indifference. Excepting misperceptions, indifference is the beginning.
136. The less relevant your dreams to your life, the more messed up you are.
137. exaggeratedly masochistic experiments
138. masochistic honesty
139. Some great and fabulous prize looms off in the distance in his mind and he seeks the truth and tries to draw others on along on the journey with him. Honest! Honest! Screaming it with your dying breath, again and again.
Wait. What are you doing? This is strange behavior on your part. This is a bit unreal. And causing negative results...
Still onwards! Reality twists and you journey on and on and on. Here and there coming to close to the edge.
Rarely: an oasis of healing. A moment of clarity. And rest.
Then, again, the ideal looms above. Shining, beautiful, awful, glorious. Onwards and onwards he strives towards it.
140. force vs reason
shame and anger and cuss words, etc are all on the side of force...?...
141. In the Force World being wrong means getting punished, thus people become closeminded. (Or not.)
142. The necessity of forgetting.
143. Imaginary eyes. The four kinds.
144. Specialization. Cold, stoic, unemotional men are good warriors. Women need to better communicate, need to be more alive. The more specialized the people, the more barbaric.
145. Kundera: Life is horrible. Even much worse than you think. So give up and enjoy this sunset. Possibly a good looking lady, provided you stay within social norms.
146. Bad Words: Inappropriate. (Just means not mindlessly following tradition.)
Privacy. No different than secrecy, except it's ok while secrecy not so much.
flip flopper/waffler (celebration of closemindedness)
preachy (saying things I disagree with)
emotional blackmail (pointing out I'm acting unethical when I want you to shut up about enjoy your shit sandwich)
stalker (most 'stalkers' have been wronged and aren't so good at throwing away their morals such as this post industrial society says they must.)
manipulative (similar to emotional blackmail at times)
nutters/nut/crazy, etc (anyone who you don't understand, anyone who isn't mindlessly following tradition, anyone who isn't just like you, anyone unhappy in dystopia)(also insensitive to those who are genuinely mentally ill)
147. Short term vs long term thinking
148. Compile everything which would make up dystopia.
149. What clothes do to us. Sexual perversion.
150. How the unknown is more interesting to us (until you pull back the curtain to see the blank wall, if you ever get that far...)
151. Don't burden other people with your unhappiness. Pretend to be happy.
152. I'm happy, you're not, therefore I'm right, you're wrong.
153. To be truly good, to think for yourself, means to see this world as a hell.
154. Thanks to rightwing anti-elitism, the elites convince themselves they're no better than anyone else, thus stupidity can't be used to explain the harm others cause and they're left only with believing they're surrounded by evil.
155. Faking one's death in order to get some interest in your art.
156. The fear of being perceived as gay is a far greater negative than actual hatred of gays.
157. Our mysticism buried into our subconscious.
158. Ther incredible extent to which we conform, to which we're just trying to please others instead of pleasing our super ego.
159. The structure of our society makes indifference the logical choice.
160. Corporate news media brainwashing (yes, I'm just repeating myself...)
161. Art turns rotten, into just being about fame.
162. Preachy means saying things you disagreed with.
163. Pretentious means speaking above a level that someone can understand (usually.)
Or can instead mean high level language for relatively crude ideas.
164. Kitsch means someone is being happy when I'm not.
165. Flip flopper/waffler - to be openminded is a bad thing.
166. In this corporate society there is no actual freedom of speech about the place you spend most of your waking hours: your job.
167. The alpha male. It's always there. The sense of who's best. Felt though by the person who isn't primarily. The alpha is at ease. The beta... omega not. Oh more complicated of course.
168. I almost don't even exist! Because I have so few friends. So few longterm meaningful relationships. Because no one cares a whit about my art. I could die and it wouldn't even matter to hardly anyone! And it's the same for most. The increase in technology along with our general way of life has made it so. Key seems to be to not need close relationships.... And is such an evil adaptation?
169. To conform to the meaningless or not conform knowing full well that not conforming won't work?
170. The pointlessness of relationships with people you see a few times a year in a world where that's how it is. Again and again, do you accept this world or reject it? To reject it means you're in for so much pain.
171. Love people, but highly critical of the system, of the traditions, and so on...
172. Simply list emotions:
Anger in response to indifference.
Sadness when we want help.
Elation
Fear-sometimes it seems like it's always present. Yet it need not ever be present.
Terror,, dread.
..
173. Primary motive-increase distance from nonexistence.
174. Altruism is long term self interest and/or imagining you're the other person and/or mindlessly following your own moral code (after you've used one of the preceding to establish your moral code and/or adopted/adapted a code from others/the society around you.
175. Imagining an audience exists where one actually doesn't in order to bother making your art?
176. The Great Party: imagining it exists and you're missing it.
177. Evolution: specialization: men became stoic (warriors) women more perceptive, better at communicating (to hold the tribe together)
178. Again, you must pretend to be happy in order to get/keep a job. Every single past job you've had has been wonderful, no matter what injustice actually occurred, etc.
179. The absurdity of leftists who act like rightwingers in their actual interactions, perfect rugged individualists, overriding fear of being perceived as gay, controlled by the need to not seem like the negative stereotypes the rightwing has created.
180. Paradoxically, people who are on the fringe working overtime to appear normal thus not be dismissed. In effect ending up with one single pet cause while otherwise being "normal". And the pet cause not having a chance because it's the whole system that would have to change. The pet cause can't just float by itself unsupported.
181. Awful at assessing people, thus default to assuming the worst.
182. Forgetting half the past thus the context is lost and feeling like a fool regarding the part you remember.
183. Double basis for morality: Utilitarianism for which we build a hazy set of almost absolute laws which we generally follow from day to day.
184. The moral thing to do is assume the best of people even as it means ignoring your ugly suspicions, thus you get burned over and over because you're good.
185. "Life's short" (therefore have as much fun as you can, drop anyone whom gives you any trouble.) (Actually if you don't believe in an afterlife, there is no way to have sufficient fun in this short life. The saying life's short is crap.) "Life's short" is usually a justification to treat others badly.
186. You must instead recognize just what monkeys we are. Realizing to what a huge extent all disagreements are still really solved solely by force in this world. You must address them not like a civilized person (a zombie) but like the monkey they are. You must tiptoe around them concerning any disagreement, doing your best to "not make any sudden movements" lest they think you're really just trying to force them. In this way they hopefully won't automatically turn the disagreement into a battle of wills and seeing who can successfully force the other to change.
187. The positivity cult responds with hate when they see someone really unhappy. Others who express unhappiness are just trying to "get attention" or be manipulative. Those of the positivity cult can't stand it when others express unhappiness.
188. Evil term: emotional blackmail.
189. In an every man for himself society, someone expressing unhappiness is bewildering to ohers. Clearly it's a manipulative trick. "Shut up and take care of yourself!" they yell as they back away in fear.
190. Gluttony, greed and lust: excessive short term desire
191. laziness: related to nihilism or simply bad health
192. Envy (too materialistic), anger (force over reason), pride (closeminded/arrogant, not lack of humility)
193. The essential quality of friendship is two people who feel safe enough with each other to disagree knowing they still truly care about each other.
194. This is a fear world. The "smarter" you are, the more constantly present are the threats. (not exactly but close)
195. Constantly rebuilding the past, scanning it for threats you might have previously missed the previous time you rebuilt it slightly different. You then purposely rebuild adding in threats just to see if maybe that's how it actually was. You drive yourself nuts.
196. Humor out of control in response to too much stress. Things that aren't actually funny, you start pretending are unexpected and therefore funny.
197. tick tock versus chop chop
198. Crying is probably based on a belief in "god". At the very least it's a way of asking for help. If you ever do it while alone you definitely believe in god, whether you realize it or not.
199. Painful experiments.
200. All the reasons why people actually smile.
a. Actual happiness
b. To show they're not a threat
c. To pretend we live in some other happy world that doesn't actually exist, let's all get together and pretend...
201. Force makes people want to keep their minds closed. Realizing you're wrong shouldn't mean having to feel shame, unless you believe that force is necessary throughout our society. Similarly you equate being wrong with feeling pain and thus don't want to admit you're wrong. And finally you lose sense of a personally identity if you change your mind, your beliefs become who you are, thus you can't face that you're wrong.
202. The monster (say Sigourney Weaver's Alien) managing to evolve to the point where it stops being a monster. What would the first such evolved Aliens who actually began questioning their society be like?
203. To the extent you are a rugged individualist and believe that's how people should be you will have less and less empathy for the meek and the weak eventually reaching a point where instead of feeling empathy you will feel disgust for them.
204. April 27th, 2009???
205. Fear is a constant for everyone and just hidden? No, not actually.
206. Women are more dishonest because they have less power. They're more afraid to tell the truth. Also more interested in pleasing others instead of questioning this world. They have less super ego.
207. The search for the identical person thanks to postindustrial living.
208. No explanation when you leave because you don't understand self well enough to explain. Also explanations sound like understanding which has no place in the search for the identical.
209. Hate is always just a reaction to indifference but in our society indifference is perfectly OK while hate never is.
210. The beautiful ideal: line up men and women opposite to each other and marry whoever is across from you.
211. Bad terms: preacy, polemicist.
212. Telling someone they're stupid or anything similar is an absurd action. Show it.
213. Too good for this world. (The Idiot)
214. Everything is an act, and behind the act there is nothing at all.
215. I've never felt Sam to be a pessimistic playwright. A pessimist does not try to write. The true pessimist wouldn't take the trouble of writing. Writing is an attempt to communicate, and if you're a pessimist you say communication is impossible: you wouldn't do it.
216. Severed psychic connections
217. We can't hate that which we understand.
218. Love as understanding versus "love" as idealizing.
219. Pull back the curtain to find a blank wall.
220. The Sigourney Alien as the ultimate example of overcoming the animal within us.
221. To dream of fame is to dream of being the alpha male.
222. Is it moral to pretend certain sufferings don't exist in order to enjoy the now?
223. The fake smile is a reminder of the violent world we live in.
224. "I'm not a threat" is a collection of bizarre behaviors including smiling, vocal tone, jokes that aren't remotely funny, etc...
225. To be openminded can mean constantly persecuting yourself if you equate being wrong with getting punished.
226. To be closeminded is to never be wrong, which in this violent/force society means being much happier.
227. Find analogous ways to show how ridiculous it is who we're not allowed to be close to one another. For example a man can't call another man on the phone "just to talk".
228. To recognize this world for what it is, is to be in hell. Show people in actual hell who are happy because they've adapted. Because they're nuts.
229. The extreme nuance of our vocal tone to express endlessly, for example subservience.
230. "Individuals with power (even randomly assigned power) tend to talk more, interrupt others, speak out of turn, and engage more readily in conflict. They use more expansive body language and smile less (subordinates specialize in smiles of submission or appeasement). They're more likely to enter the social space of others, stand too close, initiate physical contact, and flirt in less inhibited ways."
231. Desperately needing to fall in love in order to stand dystopia.
232. Angel Sydrome-to have to strong a sense of right and wrong for this dystopia. Too strong a streak of egalitarianism to properly act subordinate. Etc.
233. Like from Gormenhgast. Rituals/traditions that are mindlessly followed far beyond when their original meaning has been long forgotten. Absurd rituals.
234. Mowing the lawn for example.
235. The prose describes actions for which the goal is to simply show whom each character is.
236. Forgetting is crucial for nostalgia.
237. What would you do if you had one day left to live? (The absurdity of Life is Short)
238. Hell on the plain below:
http://lumpywheels.blogspot.com/2009/02/man-on-cliff-with-telescope-looking.html
239. Mirror versus balance:
If on the same side and relatively equal or feel superior then may feel the opposite in order to balance out overall mood.
If on the same side and feel lower in the hierarchy will simply mirror the other's mood.
If you feel not on the same side their happiness is a threat, their unhappiness most generally the opposite.
What it means to be on the same side versus not I have not explained well enough.
240. ....
There are hundreds of millions of people with internet access and if They existed that would have been The Place where They would have gone. With that incident it became clear that They just don't exist. And thus there is truly no hope for this world.
This is the knowledge I most can't live with. This is the awful truth I have discovered which the dreamers of the past were blissfully unaware of. With it all hope is destroyed.
241. You play The Game because you have no choice, but just short of the finish line you stop. And just can't take that last step...
242. Feeling like The Other in a society that kills all Others.
243. I created an evil god that wanted to kill me in order to have something to fight against, to fight to keep living. Now I no longer need such a thing but that god is still there, still wanting me dead.
244. Every night we sleep and forget and then are reborn anew. If we never slept, or never forgot, what in the world would we do?
245. The utopianist rejects the actual world and searches for a better one in part because he just can't enjoy this one. He focuses on long term thinking, on the too far future, because he can't enjoy the here and now.
246. Once you've made a mistake you forever refuse to admit, you're lost. You develop an ingrained deflection from facing your mistakes. You become closeminded. Routinely unable to face being wrong.
247. Wanting to be famous is just wanting to be the alpha male.
248. Looking for and then showing the meaning hidden within chaos.
249. The idea that "keeping it real" or being honest is vulgar behavior as opposed to being appropriately kitsch.
250. Backstabbing/gossip is a way to make friends.
251. How have we evolved? Sex crazed/"love" crazed. Pretty good at violence/stoic unemotional men. Unfulfilled thus "all you need is love" and spread your seed. Women especially highly jealous.
252. Theory of the Absurd. The absurdity of life. Nihilism. Pointless struggle. Pointless anything.
253. ''If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.'' Albert Einstein
254. Trying to make people like you instead of being strong enough to do what is actually Right.
255. Hurting someone and saying, "well I wasn't trying to hurt you although I don't particularly care" and that being OK, but the society demonizing someone who gets angry in response (hate / indifference)
256. Nervousness is caused by concentrating on yourself instead of the other.
257. Worst of all, to pull back the curtain and find a blank wall.
258. Forced to play, but just short of the finish line you stop and can't that last step, because you actually reject the game you've been forced into.
259. Justice is the goal of hate, indifference doesn't care about justice.
260. Places having magical feels.
261. Seeing the fundamental crude basis behind all actions and going crazy as a result.
262. "I think with my gut." And thus make awful decisions. But reaffirm my belief in magic which is essential in bothering to live at all.
263. All ethics/morals are simply the degree of altruism which we add into our self interest. And all our altruism is simply long term self interest.
264. The necessity of fantasy goals/hopes. Winning the lottery. The possibility of getting rich from your own business...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Sometimes my wife wants to talk about our lovemaking. I hate to do so as I think putting words to it and analyzing it just sullies it. Adding words lessens it. Analyzing it takes away it's purity. This is true of anything actually. So then, it's nice to put words to the negatives. To analyze them, to reduce them to words. But I don't want to ruin the positives this way.
On the other hand the positives might eventually be forgotten later...
It's better to have emotional peaks and valleys than to be a perfect straight stoic line, a steel line, a half dead person made of steel unaffected by (almost) anything. It's better to be human. And to have negative surprises. It's better to enjoy the peak today than forever be preparing for some future valley.
Because, the memory of the peak is essential for surviving the valley.
I know of a demonizer whom is forever analyzing and blogging about her(?) sex life. Sounds awful to me. I imagine she lays there during it with a small part of her removed from it, planning her next blog post. How awful. Even worse, being the person with her, knowing she's laying there formulating her next blog post about what you're doing.
Trying to describe one's experiences necessitates removing a part of yourself from the experiencing and instead stepping back and in effect experiencing yourself experiencing.
And/or it's like trying to film your life, whereby you're too busy filming it to live it.
I suppose it's possible to manage something to remember it by without ruining the live experiencing. But it's a delicate process. And one could think of those who try to record as performing an altruistic act, where they know they're partially ruining it for themselves, in order to accomplish something...? Some truth to hold on to. Warped though it is.
On the other hand the positives might eventually be forgotten later...
It's better to have emotional peaks and valleys than to be a perfect straight stoic line, a steel line, a half dead person made of steel unaffected by (almost) anything. It's better to be human. And to have negative surprises. It's better to enjoy the peak today than forever be preparing for some future valley.
Because, the memory of the peak is essential for surviving the valley.
I know of a demonizer whom is forever analyzing and blogging about her(?) sex life. Sounds awful to me. I imagine she lays there during it with a small part of her removed from it, planning her next blog post. How awful. Even worse, being the person with her, knowing she's laying there formulating her next blog post about what you're doing.
Trying to describe one's experiences necessitates removing a part of yourself from the experiencing and instead stepping back and in effect experiencing yourself experiencing.
And/or it's like trying to film your life, whereby you're too busy filming it to live it.
I suppose it's possible to manage something to remember it by without ruining the live experiencing. But it's a delicate process. And one could think of those who try to record as performing an altruistic act, where they know they're partially ruining it for themselves, in order to accomplish something...? Some truth to hold on to. Warped though it is.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
What to write about?
1. What makes people breakdown.
2. Demonization/suspicion/the inability to accurately assess what are and aren't actual threats.
3. Ugly thoughts that plague a person. Memory.
4. Revenge, the impossibility of it...
5. A world where everyone merely survives, how it crushes an elf.
6. Isolation.
7. A world that doesn't deserve to be saved.
8. All men not being themselves, forever afraid to appear "gay". Making sure to only do mere survival related things. To be less expressive, etc. To be stoic.
9. Afraid to try because of fear of failure.
10. Ways the selfish justify their behavior. The destruction of moral logic. Turn it into white and black. Morality becomes self interest. Morality becomes following post-industrial social norms. Etc.
11. The magical unknown. Animals, etc that don't speak. Fish rarely seen in the water. The dark. The forest full of leaves in the summer. Filling the unknown with infinity/god unconsiously.
12. The illogic of everything. Religionism and atheism. There is nothing actually that is logical. Choose your illogic.
13. The (neanderthal?) looking/searching the world for his kind. Realizing there appear to be none at all. And thus this world truly can't change. This world is actually, exactly how it should be for the people whom live in it. There's not really even a minority that wants it to change. It is hopeless.
14. That which can see more than it's own viewpoint. The androgynous person. The cat that acts like a dog. The athletic intellectual. Etc.
15. The feeling that you were destined for something which has been forever lost. (I was supposed to have been born and lived in the UK for example....)
16. Being worked to death.
17. Mistakenly assuming goodness on the part of others because one can't stand the reality. And/or Lovecraft's correlation (which is much larger, comes back to the necessity of illogic.)
18. Useful info? Useful odds and ends??? Blueberry smoothies help cure insomnia..???
19. Lord of the Flies. The essential nature of mankind...? Killing machines. Only altruistic to the extent small groups can then better kill others...
20. Mass culture being dumbed down. The more connected, the more of a monopoly, the more stupid the art.
21. Idiocracy. Evolving into stupidity. And/or the evolutionary edge. Too much intelligence makes one less likely to successfully reproduce. (Neanderthals were large/muscular, had red hair, larger brain capacities and did cross breed a little before going extinct... Wife says I am one.) Slavery probably should not be mentioned here. But serfdom/brutal capitalism...?
22. Misremembering the past. Panglossing it. Or at least thankfully forgetting it so that you can stand to repeat the same negatives over and over.
23. Panglossing reality. Learning to love capitalism. Or slavery. Or monarchism, etc.
24. The mindlessness/laziness of absolute morality as opposed to utilitarianism.
25. Being too busy barely surviving one's self to show consideration for others.
26. The closeminded. Removing whoever disagrees with you from your life. Post-industrial living. Instead of resolving differences just keep discarding to you find someone who is exactly the same as you. Until a couple years later when you've both changed and are no longer identical. At which point you then discard them and find some new person you're now identical to.
27. Weird ideas about bugs. Their surrealism.
28. Not having a clue about one's own sub/unconscious. Not even understanding what you yourself actually think. The atheist not realizing he's full of mystical thinking which is essential to him/her.
29. The power struggle of relationships. If one person perceives they are superior and the other feels inferior, the one is at ease and the other isn't. If they manage to feel relatively equal, then maybe no problem. If they don't feel equal, the relationship can't work. Either way. If even one feels inferior or superior, the relationship will be an ugly thing.
30. Controlling people through fear and the negative result.
31. The process of laughing
32. The process of falling asleep
33. The connection between falling asleep and laughing
34. psuedo democracy when billionaires own all the radio and TV combined with social isolation.
35. Planned obscelence(sp)
36. Making being off the grid illegal
37. Hard manual labor to stay sane
38. Simplicity is escapist. Simple characters are usually the heart of fantasy fiction.
39. Boredom is the result of a classification system. Dumb people don't get bored. But perhaps people with crude classification systems get bored more easily? Through classifying we don't live in the moment as much.
40. The genesis of mythical creatures
41. The disregarding of the unknown. Not treating it with reverence. Not caring about it. Like the men in the castle who burn the contents of each next room without having any idea what they might by destroying. No interest in learning.
42. Dislike of the assimilated weak. You make dystopia possible. TV show What Would You Do is all about indifference thanks primarily to fear.
43. How sick being close with only a single person is.
44. Prole evolution. Mere survival evolution
45. The heart of racism: being bad at accurately assessing threats. One errs towards suspicion.
46. Giving up on the grand party. Realizing there's nothing out there at all. Ending The Search. All is within or nowhere.
47. The degree of relevance of your dreams correlates to your happiness/mental 'health'.
48. The unknown is magic. Cats not speaking even.
49. In the real world, first time meetings are always very very boring. Must almost always not be realistic in fiction concerning this.
50. Piercing the obscurity of the minute processes of human life
51. escapism versus realism and the lie which brings us closer to the truth...
52. common enemy brings people together
53. Always slightly random but never pointless. (Art)
54. Subconsciously feeling like god is against you. (even as an proclaimed atheist)
55. ...with dying all stress can go away. No longer have to worry so much about the stuff of this world. Don't have to worry about how I'm spending my life. Because it's about done, too late now anyway.
But now, it's no longer too late. And this was a poorly spent day.
56. The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." Lovecraft
57. Can't be bothered to find the paper I wrote on... But when this life is no longer the grand stage, when this life is not The Place and instead just some time killed at the airport, when this life isn't The Life. When there really isn't any Grand Party that is being missed, when nothing Really Matters.... then death isn't so particularly bad. And then one is more able to enjoy time spent enjoying simple things. And one doesn't have such a Hypertrophied Soul...
58. The necessity of myopia for sanity/happiness.
59. Appearing intelligent (elegance) and purposely being incomprehensible in the university setting.
60. ...There is no point in trying to revenge oneself. "Everything will be forgotten. There will never be any redress for anything."
61. Whenever Ludvík finds himself in a group of people, he always wonders how many of them would be willing to send their fellow mortals to death, only because the collective has demanded this....
62. ...Kitsch is a beautiful lie, which hides all the negative aspects of life and deliberately ignores the existence of death....
63. The immorality of happiness in dystopia
64. The necessity of the word 'love' being so vague.
65. Memory, not endlessly repeating the same negative actions thanks to it. But being stuck endlessly remembering past negative actions thanks to it....
66. One reason to be closeminded: "You're nothing but a superficial shell. A husk of foozy(?) consciousness ready to be torn off at a moment's notice."
67. "hypertrophied souls" The need to do something special. Unable to lie back in the grass and happily watch the clouds go by.
68. Modern isolated society
69. "socialists" whom ensure capitalism by all their social norms. Going on about this or that issue yet isolationist, rugged individuals at heart, etc.
70. The key to happiness is significant, meaningful, lasting relationships.
71. Capitalsm Laws:
a. The majority always working just about as much as they can stand.
b. Middle Management(the overseers) can't be very smart. (Usually).
c. Short of technological innovation taking people "off the grid" it's highly unlikely to really bring people any more happiness. (Excepting some medical innovations.)
d. It's a system where the losers starve. It's fear based.
73. To speak the truth when it will do no good? (utilitarism vs. the deontological brave (lazy and self centered) martyr)
74. Demonization
75. Fake smiles-not a threat,considerate enough to keep it light and fluffy,
76. Humans as marionette's, every action just an act, social norms actor, everything is a lie. Your entire existence.
77. Light and fluffy/fake smile evolution taken to the concentration camp.
78. Creating malevolent god for whom you survive just to spite. (My god, such dark thoughts...)
79. To be an angel amoungst demons. Analogy to demonstrate the absurdity.
80. Analogies in general to show the absurdity of capitalism, meat-eating, etc.
81. No amount of philosophy can replace human interactions....?
82. How awful it is to remember how awful the past was. Please misremember and pangloss it and have some nostalgia for a life that never was....
83. slow suicide through junk food, etc.
84. Subconsciously hoping for death.
85. chop chop, tick tock (pain, boredom) (fear, nihilism)
86. The strange sickness of music performed for a massive audience. All those people just standing around or "dancing" as they sometimes call it.
87. Does that which doesn't kill us make us stronger?
88. Cutting off the meaningless, the lies, such that there's nothing left but to sit at home alone.
89. Panglossianism
90. all novels are decadent. Short stories padded.
91. The real escape of escapist fiction is to simplistic 2D people.
92. exaggerated dystopia where people never speak to one another face to face
93. The necessity of mysticism to bother creating art.
94. Not actually allowed to help in this dystopia. Monogamy / extreme homophobia/fear of anything that might be remotely perceived as "gay" / rugged individualist, etc.
95. The need for "prvacy" (secrecy) in dystopia. Don't ask how much money someone makes for example. In utopia we'd know one another's situation in order to know when and how to help each other. In dystopia "privacy" is extreme importance.
96. So much harder for the intelligent, educated man to survive slavery, serfdom, unregulated capitalism, etc. (Fredrik Douglas) "I have found that, to make a contented slave, it is necessary to make a thoughtless one. It is necessary to darken his moral and mental vision, and, as far as possible, to annihilate the power of reason."
97. Technology as a tool of isolation.
98. Spread nasty rumors/ugly gossip why? Because having a mutual enemy will make us closer friends. And when you're not here and the person we're currently bad mouthing is, we'll do the same to you so our own relationship will be strengthened.
99. The evolutionary edge: Smart but not too smart. Too much and you see what this world is... what your life is...
100. The social norms mean lying. The standard greeting for example means pretending people are part of a community that doesn't actually exist, etc. Pretending to care about people whom if they didn't show up at work tomorrow we'd simply never see them again and hardly even reflect on it. They ask how you are, pretending they actually care and you have to lie and say you're fine no matter what, because of course if you're not actually fine, so what? What are they going to do about it? Nothing. So they lie and you have to lie back. And the pretending helps keep a situation that would otherwise be intolerable, tolerable.
These constant strangers asking how I am, I want to respond: I'm not a part of a community with you. You're a total stranger to me who couldn't possibly care less how I'm doing. Quit pretending we're a part of community. There is no community. There is no connection at all.
101. Self persecution/self doubt (same thing actually) Kakfa's The Trial.
102. Everyone is smiling in the dystopia. The frowners are malcontents. Radicals. Revolutionaries. Not good yesmen. Not to be trusted with jobs.
103. Functional forgiving versus dsyfunctional forgiving is understanding versus forgetting.
104. Imaginary eyes
105. Wind the fear spring and watch them go.
106. The imagination to imagine what could be juxtaposed with what is....
107. The positivity cult:
You could join a social movement working to create an adequate safety net or to bring about more humane corporate policies, but those efforts might take a lifetime. For now, you can only change your perception of reality, from negative and bitter to positive and accepting. This was the corporate world's great gift to it's laid-ff employees and the overworked survivors--positive thinking.
108. Almost random creativity. Almost random oracles. Almost random.
109. The bad humor of saints. Treating people badly is unexpected.
110. Politics: Left-thinking the best of most people. Right-thinking the worst.
111. Happy people, those not consumed by fear/suspicion, those not busy trying to just survive themselves, are the ones finally in a position to be something other than indifferent towards others. Although OTOH people with lifelong cushy lives maybe don't have as much empathy for other's hardships.
112. Public Service Nightmares.
113. Short term: positivity cult, just believe this is the best of all possible worlds. Long term: see it for what it is, delve into that which is wrong.
114. The highly "moral" are zombiefied.
115. "Stalking" is (sometimes) related to the anti-post-industrial mindset. The return to people living in real communities where you don't just abruptly drop connections without adequate explanation.
116. Hide disagreements because you assume everyone's as closeminded as yourself. Hide disagreements because you assume ugly things (potential violence, etc) from those who disagree. Hide disagreements because you're not idealistic, you don't believe people can work together.
117. Believing in evil is necessary to get angry, which was evolutionarily beneficial because it helped one in committing violence. But is there anyone really evil? Or is it all really stupidity? How does the genius avoid being consumed by hate? While at the same time avoiding being considered an arrogant elitist?
118. OJ for back pain. Blueberry smoothies for sleep.
119. The idealist. The one who refuses to embrace the reality of this world, is partially not even here.
120. Post industrial living is more stressful? So many people with power over you to miscommunicate with while the majority are always getting pushed about as hard as they can stand as opposed to growing crops where you do what you can and either nature cooperates or doesn't. Then add in fewer meaningful long lasting relationships. Instead home alone watching TV. Less time outside and so on.
121. The man who questions everything appears unsure and nervous. The confident man mindlessly mimics others. Mindlessly follows tradition. The freethinker, to the extent he's really questioning, is in for hell. The traditionalist is completely unethical. To mindlessly follow tradition in this here world means to be without morals.
122. it is only possible to be an angel in a dystopia if you are a monster.
123. The prizing of the cubicle job and lack of esteem for those who do actually useful work.
124. The flaming hoop system. Learning and doing tons and tons of useless things basically just in order to have the proper credentials whereby you'll someday be allowed to hold a real job. Where you'll be worked about as much as you can stand. This system because under capitalism everyone will always be working as much as they can stand. And as technology increasingly does our work, we pointlessly stay in school for longer and longer.
125. The power hungry surrounding themselves with yesmen. Not even consciously. And those around the power hungry automatically becoming yesmen, even if maybe that's not really what the power hungry wanted. Which in turn makes the power hungry even more bereft of any self doubt, even more... wrong.
126. Utopia for the unethical. Dystopia for the highly ethical.
127. The mass production of art results in a sickness where the artist's motivation is to be famous. Simultaneously the vast majority of artists don't get adequate recognition. Decreases equality.
128. The will never again be a communist revolution because compared to the past we're now:
A. living in isolation. All sense of community is gone thanks to cars, TV and the internet.
B. at a nuch higher level of technology meaning better communication, better weapons, better systems for keeping tabs onteh citizens. Thus the power divide is far greater.
C. The military is extreme rightwing anymore. A revolution will almost certainly bring in a rightdictator and/or theocracy now.
D. The mass media now controls the thoughts of the people so, so, so much better. Communism has been successfully demonized where once it wasn't.
129. Show the usual panglossian adaptations people make applied to a far worse dystopia.
130. Unethical because you value the materialistic too much. The unzombie. Unethical because you just don't have much of an over-I.
131. Morality is:
some degree of altruism.
Altruism is:
self interst with some degree of long term forethought.
132. Someone said the internet isn't real. Well, in face to face interactions no one is real either. The internet was hopefully a way to uncover the parts hidden in the endless banal and pointless face to face interactions where people are doing nothing more than having ritualistic conversations the goals of which are highly crude. Not much more than sniffing each other's ass. The smile to say I'm not a threat, etc.
In face to face interactions you get 10% of the truth. On the internet the hope is that some part of the other 90% will peek through.
That's been my hope anyway.
And it certainly has peeked through at times.
And what has mostly peeked through is incredibly ugly.
But still what we have in online interactions amounts to about 3% of the truth as opposed to 10% generally speaking in face to face
133. As opposed to the butterfly effect, if you went back and changed the past, it wouldn't make a difference, eventually things would end up the same.
134. To make a good story, do the opposite of this blog. Withhold in order to keep people reading. Tease. Withhold justice. Withhold to keep mystery.
135. Hate is a reaction to the perception of indifference. Excepting misperceptions, indifference is the beginning.
136. The less relevant your dreams to your life, the more messed up you are.
137. exaggeratedly masochistic experiments
138. masochistic honesty
139. Some great and fabulous prize looms off in the distance in his mind and he seeks the truth and tries to draw others on along on the journey with him. Honest! Honest! Screaming it with your dying breath, again and again.
Wait. What are you doing? This is strange behavior on your part. This is a bit unreal. And causing negative results...
Still onwards! Reality twists and you journey on and on and on. Here and there coming to close to the edge.
Rarely: an oasis of healing. A moment of clarity. And rest.
Then, again, the ideal looms above. Shining, beautiful, awful, glorious. Onwards and onwards he strives towards it.
140. force vs reason
shame and anger and cuss words, etc are all on the side of force...?...
141. In the Force World being wrong means getting punished, thus people become closeminded. (Or not.)
142. The necessity of forgetting.
143. Imaginary eyes. The four kinds.
144. Specialization. Cold, stoic, unemotional men are good warriors. Women need to better communicate, need to be more alive. The more specialized the people, the more barbaric.
145. Kundera: Life is horrible. Even much worse than you think. So give up and enjoy this sunset. Possibly a good looking lady, provided you stay within social norms.
146. Bad Words: Inappropriate. (Just means not mindlessly following tradition.)
Privacy. No different than secrecy, except it's ok while secrecy not so much.
flip flopper/waffler (celebration of closemindedness)
preachy (saying things I disagree with)
emotional blackmail (pointing out I'm acting unethical when I want you to shut up about enjoy your shit sandwich)
stalker (most 'stalkers' have been wronged and aren't so good at throwing away their morals such as this post industrial society says they must.)
manipulative (similar to emotional blackmail at times)
nutters/nut/crazy, etc (anyone who you don't understand, anyone who isn't mindlessly following tradition, anyone who isn't just like you, anyone unhappy in dystopia)(also insensitive to those who are genuinely mentally ill)
147. Short term vs long term thinking
148. Compile everything which would make up dystopia.
149. What clothes do to us. Sexual perversion.
150. How the unknown is more interesting to us (until you pull back the curtain to see the blank wall, if you ever get that far...)
151. Don't burden other people with your unhappiness. Pretend to be happy.
152. I'm happy, you're not, therefore I'm right, you're wrong.
153. To be truly good, to think for yourself, means to see this world as a hell.
154. Thanks to rightwing anti-elitism, the elites convince themselves they're no better than anyone else, thus stupidity can't be used to explain the harm others cause and they're left only with believing they're surrounded by evil.
155. Faking one's death in order to get some interest in your art.
156. The fear of being perceived as gay is a far greater negative than actual hatred of gays.
157. Our mysticism buried into our subconscious.
158. Ther incredible extent to which we conform, to which we're just trying to please others instead of pleasing our super ego.
159. The structure of our society makes indifference the logical choice.
160. Corporate news media brainwashing (yes, I'm just repeating myself...)
161. Art turns rotten, into just being about fame.
162. Preachy means saying things you disagreed with.
163. Pretentious means speaking above a level that someone can understand (usually.)
Or can instead mean high level language for relatively crude ideas.
164. Kitsch means someone is being happy when I'm not.
165. Flip flopper/waffler - to be openminded is a bad thing.
166. In this corporate society there is no actual freedom of speech about the place you spend most of your waking hours: your job.
167. The alpha male. It's always there. The sense of who's best. Felt though by the person who isn't primarily. The alpha is at ease. The beta... omega not. Oh more complicated of course.
168. I almost don't even exist! Because I have so few friends. So few longterm meaningful relationships. Because no one cares a whit about my art. I could die and it wouldn't even matter to hardly anyone! And it's the same for most. The increase in technology along with our general way of life has made it so. Key seems to be to not need close relationships.... And is such an evil adaptation?
169. To conform to the meaningless or not conform knowing full well that not conforming won't work?
170. The pointlessness of relationships with people you see a few times a year in a world where that's how it is. Again and again, do you accept this world or reject it? To reject it means you're in for so much pain.
171. Love people, but highly critical of the system, of the traditions, and so on...
172. Simply list emotions:
Anger in response to indifference.
Sadness when we want help.
Elation
Fear-sometimes it seems like it's always present. Yet it need not ever be present.
Terror,, dread.
..
173. Primary motive-increase distance from nonexistence.
174. Altruism is long term self interest and/or imagining you're the other person and/or mindlessly following your own moral code (after you've used one of the preceding to establish your moral code and/or adopted/adapted a code from others/the society around you.
175. Imagining an audience exists where one actually doesn't in order to bother making your art?
176. The Great Party: imagining it exists and you're missing it.
177. Evolution: specialization: men became stoic (warriors) women more perceptive, better at communicating (to hold the tribe together)
178. Again, you must pretend to be happy in order to get/keep a job. Every single past job you've had has been wonderful, no matter what injustice actually occurred, etc.
179. The absurdity of leftists who act like rightwingers in their actual interactions, perfect rugged individualists, overriding fear of being perceived as gay, controlled by the need to not seem like the negative stereotypes the rightwing has created.
180. Paradoxically, people who are on the fringe working overtime to appear normal thus not be dismissed. In effect ending up with one single pet cause while otherwise being "normal". And the pet cause not having a chance because it's the whole system that would have to change. The pet cause can't just float by itself unsupported.
181. Awful at assessing people, thus default to assuming the worst.
182. Forgetting half the past thus the context is lost and feeling like a fool regarding the part you remember.
183. Double basis for morality: Utilitarianism for which we build a hazy set of almost absolute laws which we generally follow from day to day.
184. The moral thing to do is assume the best of people even as it means ignoring your ugly suspicions, thus you get burned over and over because you're good.
185. "Life's short" (therefore have as much fun as you can, drop anyone whom gives you any trouble.) (Actually if you don't believe in an afterlife, there is no way to have sufficient fun in this short life. The saying life's short is crap.) "Life's short" is usually a justification to treat others badly.
186. You must instead recognize just what monkeys we are. Realizing to what a huge extent all disagreements are still really solved solely by force in this world. You must address them not like a civilized person (a zombie) but like the monkey they are. You must tiptoe around them concerning any disagreement, doing your best to "not make any sudden movements" lest they think you're really just trying to force them. In this way they hopefully won't automatically turn the disagreement into a battle of wills and seeing who can successfully force the other to change.
187. The positivity cult responds with hate when they see someone really unhappy. Others who express unhappiness are just trying to "get attention" or be manipulative. Those of the positivity cult can't stand it when others express unhappiness.
188. Evil term: emotional blackmail.
189. In an every man for himself society, someone expressing unhappiness is bewildering to ohers. Clearly it's a manipulative trick. "Shut up and take care of yourself!" they yell as they back away in fear.
190. Gluttony, greed and lust: excessive short term desire
191. laziness: related to nihilism or simply bad health
192. Envy (too materialistic), anger (force over reason), pride (closeminded/arrogant, not lack of humility)
193. The essential quality of friendship is two people who feel safe enough with each other to disagree knowing they still truly care about each other.
194. This is a fear world. The "smarter" you are, the more constantly present are the threats. (not exactly but close)
195. Constantly rebuilding the past, scanning it for threats you might have previously missed the previous time you rebuilt it slightly different. You then purposely rebuild adding in threats just to see if maybe that's how it actually was. You drive yourself nuts.
196. Humor out of control in response to too much stress. Things that aren't actually funny, you start pretending are unexpected and therefore funny.
197. tick tock versus chop chop
198. Crying is probably based on a belief in "god". At the very least it's a way of asking for help. If you ever do it while alone you definitely believe in god, whether you realize it or not.
199. Painful experiments.
200. All the reasons why people actually smile.
a. Actual happiness
b. To show they're not a threat
c. To pretend we live in some other happy world that doesn't actually exist, let's all get together and pretend...
201. Force makes people want to keep their minds closed. Realizing you're wrong shouldn't mean having to feel shame, unless you believe that force is necessary throughout our society. Similarly you equate being wrong with feeling pain and thus don't want to admit you're wrong. And finally you lose sense of a personally identity if you change your mind, your beliefs become who you are, thus you can't face that you're wrong.
202. The monster (say Sigourney Weaver's Alien) managing to evolve to the point where it stops being a monster. What would the first such evolved Aliens who actually began questioning their society be like?
203. To the extent you are a rugged individualist and believe that's how people should be you will have less and less empathy for the meek and the weak eventually reaching a point where instead of feeling empathy you will feel disgust for them.
204. April 27th, 2009???
205. Fear is a constant for everyone and just hidden? No, not actually.
206. Women are more dishonest because they have less power. They're more afraid to tell the truth. Also more interested in pleasing others instead of questioning this world. They have less super ego.
207. The search for the identical person thanks to postindustrial living.
208. No explanation when you leave because you don't understand self well enough to explain. Also explanations sound like understanding which has no place in the search for the identical.
209. Hate is always just a reaction to indifference but in our society indifference is perfectly OK while hate never is.
210. The beautiful ideal: line up men and women opposite to each other and marry whoever is across from you.
211. Bad terms: preacy, polemicist.
212. Telling someone they're stupid or anything similar is an absurd action. Show it.
213. Too good for this world. (The Idiot)
214. Everything is an act, and behind the act there is nothing at all.
215. I've never felt Sam to be a pessimistic playwright. A pessimist does not try to write. The true pessimist wouldn't take the trouble of writing. Writing is an attempt to communicate, and if you're a pessimist you say communication is impossible: you wouldn't do it.
216. Severed psychic connections
217. We can't hate that which we understand.
218. Love as understanding versus "love" as idealizing.
219. Pull back the curtain to find a blank wall.
220. The Sigourney Alien as the ultimate example of overcoming the animal within us.
221. To dream of fame is to dream of being the alpha male.
222. Is it moral to pretend certain sufferings don't exist in order to enjoy the now?
223. The fake smile is a reminder of the violent world we live in.
224. "I'm not a threat" is a collection of bizarre behaviors including smiling, vocal tone, jokes that aren't remotely funny, etc...
225. To be openminded can mean constantly persecuting yourself if you equate being wrong with getting punished.
226. To be closeminded is to never be wrong, which in this violent/force society means being much happier.
227. Find analogous ways to show how ridiculous it is who we're not allowed to be close to one another. For example a man can't call another man on the phone "just to talk".
228. To recognize this world for what it is, is to be in hell. Show people in actual hell who are happy because they've adapted. Because they're nuts.
229. The extreme nuance of our vocal tone to express endlessly, for example subservience.
230. "Individuals with power (even randomly assigned power) tend to talk more, interrupt others, speak out of turn, and engage more readily in conflict. They use more expansive body language and smile less (subordinates specialize in smiles of submission or appeasement). They're more likely to enter the social space of others, stand too close, initiate physical contact, and flirt in less inhibited ways."
231. Desperately needing to fall in love in order to stand dystopia.
232. Angel Sydrome-to have to strong a sense of right and wrong for this dystopia. Too strong a streak of egalitarianism to properly act subordinate. Etc.
233. Like from Gormenhgast. Rituals/traditions that are mindlessly followed far beyond when their original meaning has been long forgotten. Absurd rituals.
234. Mowing the lawn for example.
235. The prose describes actions for which the goal is to simply show whom each character is.
236. Forgetting is crucial for nostalgia.
237. What would you do if you had one day left to live? (The absurdity of Life is Short)
238. Hell on the plain below:
http://lumpywheels.blogspot.com/2009/02/man-on-cliff-with-telescope-looking.html
239. Mirror versus balance:
If on the same side and relatively equal or feel superior then may feel the opposite in order to balance out overall mood.
If on the same side and feel lower in the hierarchy will simply mirror the other's mood.
If you feel not on the same side their happiness is a threat, their unhappiness most generally the opposite.
What it means to be on the same side versus not I have not explained well enough.
240. ....
There are hundreds of millions of people with internet access and if They existed that would have been The Place where They would have gone. With that incident it became clear that They just don't exist. And thus there is truly no hope for this world.
This is the knowledge I most can't live with. This is the awful truth I have discovered which the dreamers of the past were blissfully unaware of. With it all hope is destroyed.
241. You play The Game because you have no choice, but just short of the finish line you stop. And just can't take that last step...
242. Feeling like The Other in a society that kills all Others.
243. I created an evil god that wanted to kill me in order to have something to fight against, to fight to keep living. Now I no longer need such a thing but that god is still there, still wanting me dead.
244. Every night we sleep and forget and then are reborn anew. If we never slept, or never forgot, what in the world would we do?
245. The utopianist rejects the actual world and searches for a better one in part because he just can't enjoy this one. He focuses on long term thinking, on the too far future, because he can't enjoy the here and now.
246. Once you've made a mistake you forever refuse to admit, you're lost. You develop an ingrained deflection from facing your mistakes. You become closeminded. Routinely unable to face being wrong.
247. Wanting to be famous is just wanting to be the alpha male.
248. Looking for and then showing the meaning hidden within chaos.
249. The idea that "keeping it real" or being honest is vulgar behavior as opposed to being appropriately kitsch.
250. Backstabbing/gossip is a way to make friends.
251. How have we evolved? Sex crazed/"love" crazed. Pretty good at violence/stoic unemotional men. Unfulfilled thus "all you need is love" and spread your seed. Women especially highly jealous.
252. Theory of the Absurd. The absurdity of life. Nihilism. Pointless struggle. Pointless anything.
253. ''If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.'' Albert Einstein
254. Trying to make people like you instead of being strong enough to do what is actually Right.
255. Hurting someone and saying, "well I wasn't trying to hurt you although I don't particularly care" and that being OK, but the society demonizing someone who gets angry in response (hate / indifference)
256. Nervousness is caused by concentrating on yourself instead of the other.
257. Worst of all, to pull back the curtain and find a blank wall.
258. Forced to play, but just short of the finish line you stop and can't that last step, because you actually reject the game you've been forced into.
259. Justice is the goal of hate, indifference doesn't care about justice.
260. Places having magical feels.
261. Seeing the fundamental crude basis behind all actions and going crazy as a result.
262. "I think with my gut." And thus make awful decisions. But reaffirm my belief in magic which is essential in bothering to live at all.
263. All ethics/morals are simply the degree of altruism which we add into our self interest. And all our altruism is simply long term self interest.
264. The necessity of fantasy goals/hopes. Winning the lottery. The possibility of getting rich from your own business...
The End
Oct 29th, 2008
1. What makes people breakdown.
2. Demonization/suspicion/the inability to accurately assess what are and aren't actual threats.
3. Ugly thoughts that plague a person. Memory.
4. Revenge, the impossibility of it...
5. A world where everyone merely survives, how it crushes an elf.
6. Isolation.
7. A world that doesn't deserve to be saved.
8. All men not being themselves, forever afraid to appear "gay". Making sure to only do mere survival related things. To be less expressive, etc. To be stoic.
9. Afraid to try because of fear of failure.
10. Ways the selfish justify their behavior. The destruction of moral logic. Turn it into white and black. Morality becomes self interest. Morality becomes following post-industrial social norms. Etc.
11. The magical unknown. Animals, etc that don't speak. Fish rarely seen in the water. The dark. The forest full of leaves in the summer. Filling the unknown with infinity/god unconsiously.
12. The illogic of everything. Religionism and atheism. There is nothing actually that is logical. Choose your illogic.
13. The (neanderthal?) looking/searching the world for his kind. Realizing there appear to be none at all. And thus this world truly can't change. This world is actually, exactly how it should be for the people whom live in it. There's not really even a minority that wants it to change. It is hopeless.
14. That which can see more than it's own viewpoint. The androgynous person. The cat that acts like a dog. The athletic intellectual. Etc.
15. The feeling that you were destined for something which has been forever lost. (I was supposed to have been born and lived in the UK for example....)
16. Being worked to death.
17. Mistakenly assuming goodness on the part of others because one can't stand the reality. And/or Lovecraft's correlation (which is much larger, comes back to the necessity of illogic.)
18. Useful info? Useful odds and ends??? Blueberry smoothies help cure insomnia..???
19. Lord of the Flies. The essential nature of mankind...? Killing machines. Only altruistic to the extent small groups can then better kill others...
20. Mass culture being dumbed down. The more connected, the more of a monopoly, the more stupid the art.
21. Idiocracy. Evolving into stupidity. And/or the evolutionary edge. Too much intelligence makes one less likely to successfully reproduce. (Neanderthals were large/muscular, had red hair, larger brain capacities and did cross breed a little before going extinct... Wife says I am one.) Slavery probably should not be mentioned here. But serfdom/brutal capitalism...?
22. Misremembering the past. Panglossing it. Or at least thankfully forgetting it so that you can stand to repeat the same negatives over and over.
23. Panglossing reality. Learning to love capitalism. Or slavery. Or monarchism, etc.
24. The mindlessness/laziness of absolute morality as opposed to utilitarianism.
25. Being too busy barely surviving one's self to show consideration for others.
26. The closeminded. Removing whoever disagrees with you from your life. Post-industrial living. Instead of resolving differences just keep discarding to you find someone who is exactly the same as you. Until a couple years later when you've both changed and are no longer identical. At which point you then discard them and find some new person you're now identical to.
27. Weird ideas about bugs. Their surrealism.
28. Not having a clue about one's own sub/unconscious. Not even understanding what you yourself actually think. The atheist not realizing he's full of mystical thinking which is essential to him/her.
29. The power struggle of relationships. If one person perceives they are superior and the other feels inferior, the one is at ease and the other isn't. If they manage to feel relatively equal, then maybe no problem. If they don't feel equal, the relationship can't work. Either way. If even one feels inferior or superior, the relationship will be an ugly thing.
30. Controlling people through fear and the negative result.
31. The process of laughing
32. The process of falling asleep
33. The connection between falling asleep and laughing
34. psuedo democracy when billionaires own all the radio and TV combined with social isolation.
35. Planned obscelence(sp)
36. Making being off the grid illegal
37. Hard manual labor to stay sane
38. Simplicity is escapist. Simple characters are usually the heart of fantasy fiction.
39. Boredom is the result of a classification system. Dumb people don't get bored. But perhaps people with crude classification systems get bored more easily? Through classifying we don't live in the moment as much.
40. The genesis of mythical creatures
41. The disregarding of the unknown. Not treating it with reverence. Not caring about it. Like the men in the castle who burn the contents of each next room without having any idea what they might by destroying. No interest in learning.
42. Dislike of the assimilated weak. You make dystopia possible. TV show What Would You Do is all about indifference thanks primarily to fear.
43. How sick being close with only a single person is.
44. Prole evolution. Mere survival evolution
45. The heart of racism: being bad at accurately assessing threats. One errs towards suspicion.
46. Giving up on the grand party. Realizing there's nothing out there at all. Ending The Search. All is within or nowhere.
47. The degree of relevance of your dreams correlates to your happiness/mental 'health'.
48. The unknown is magic. Cats not speaking even.
49. In the real world, first time meetings are always very very boring. Must almost always not be realistic in fiction concerning this.
50. Piercing the obscurity of the minute processes of human life
51. escapism versus realism and the lie which brings us closer to the truth...
52. common enemy brings people together
53. Always slightly random but never pointless. (Art)
54. Subconsciously feeling like god is against you. (even as an proclaimed atheist)
55. ...with dying all stress can go away. No longer have to worry so much about the stuff of this world. Don't have to worry about how I'm spending my life. Because it's about done, too late now anyway.
But now, it's no longer too late. And this was a poorly spent day.
56. The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." Lovecraft
57. Can't be bothered to find the paper I wrote on... But when this life is no longer the grand stage, when this life is not The Place and instead just some time killed at the airport, when this life isn't The Life. When there really isn't any Grand Party that is being missed, when nothing Really Matters.... then death isn't so particularly bad. And then one is more able to enjoy time spent enjoying simple things. And one doesn't have such a Hypertrophied Soul...
58. The necessity of myopia for sanity/happiness.
59. Appearing intelligent (elegance) and purposely being incomprehensible in the university setting.
60. ...There is no point in trying to revenge oneself. "Everything will be forgotten. There will never be any redress for anything."
61. Whenever Ludvík finds himself in a group of people, he always wonders how many of them would be willing to send their fellow mortals to death, only because the collective has demanded this....
62. ...Kitsch is a beautiful lie, which hides all the negative aspects of life and deliberately ignores the existence of death....
63. The immorality of happiness in dystopia
64. The necessity of the word 'love' being so vague.
65. Memory, not endlessly repeating the same negative actions thanks to it. But being stuck endlessly remembering past negative actions thanks to it....
66. One reason to be closeminded: "You're nothing but a superficial shell. A husk of foozy(?) consciousness ready to be torn off at a moment's notice."
67. "hypertrophied souls" The need to do something special. Unable to lie back in the grass and happily watch the clouds go by.
68. Modern isolated society
69. "socialists" whom ensure capitalism by all their social norms. Going on about this or that issue yet isolationist, rugged individuals at heart, etc.
70. The key to happiness is significant, meaningful, lasting relationships.
71. Capitalsm Laws:
a. The majority always working just about as much as they can stand.
b. Middle Management(the overseers) can't be very smart. (Usually).
c. Short of technological innovation taking people "off the grid" it's highly unlikely to really bring people any more happiness. (Excepting some medical innovations.)
d. It's a system where the losers starve. It's fear based.
73. To speak the truth when it will do no good? (utilitarism vs. the deontological brave (lazy and self centered) martyr)
74. Demonization
75. Fake smiles-not a threat,considerate enough to keep it light and fluffy,
76. Humans as marionette's, every action just an act, social norms actor, everything is a lie. Your entire existence.
77. Light and fluffy/fake smile evolution taken to the concentration camp.
78. Creating malevolent god for whom you survive just to spite. (My god, such dark thoughts...)
79. To be an angel amoungst demons. Analogy to demonstrate the absurdity.
80. Analogies in general to show the absurdity of capitalism, meat-eating, etc.
81. No amount of philosophy can replace human interactions....?
82. How awful it is to remember how awful the past was. Please misremember and pangloss it and have some nostalgia for a life that never was....
83. slow suicide through junk food, etc.
84. Subconsciously hoping for death.
85. chop chop, tick tock (pain, boredom) (fear, nihilism)
86. The strange sickness of music performed for a massive audience. All those people just standing around or "dancing" as they sometimes call it.
87. Does that which doesn't kill us make us stronger?
88. Cutting off the meaningless, the lies, such that there's nothing left but to sit at home alone.
89. Panglossianism
90. all novels are decadent. Short stories padded.
91. The real escape of escapist fiction is to simplistic 2D people.
92. exaggerated dystopia where people never speak to one another face to face
93. The necessity of mysticism to bother creating art.
94. Not actually allowed to help in this dystopia. Monogamy / extreme homophobia/fear of anything that might be remotely perceived as "gay" / rugged individualist, etc.
95. The need for "prvacy" (secrecy) in dystopia. Don't ask how much money someone makes for example. In utopia we'd know one another's situation in order to know when and how to help each other. In dystopia "privacy" is extreme importance.
96. So much harder for the intelligent, educated man to survive slavery, serfdom, unregulated capitalism, etc. (Fredrik Douglas) "I have found that, to make a contented slave, it is necessary to make a thoughtless one. It is necessary to darken his moral and mental vision, and, as far as possible, to annihilate the power of reason."
97. Technology as a tool of isolation.
98. Spread nasty rumors/ugly gossip why? Because having a mutual enemy will make us closer friends. And when you're not here and the person we're currently bad mouthing is, we'll do the same to you so our own relationship will be strengthened.
99. The evolutionary edge: Smart but not too smart. Too much and you see what this world is... what your life is...
100. The social norms mean lying. The standard greeting for example means pretending people are part of a community that doesn't actually exist, etc. Pretending to care about people whom if they didn't show up at work tomorrow we'd simply never see them again and hardly even reflect on it. They ask how you are, pretending they actually care and you have to lie and say you're fine no matter what, because of course if you're not actually fine, so what? What are they going to do about it? Nothing. So they lie and you have to lie back. And the pretending helps keep a situation that would otherwise be intolerable, tolerable.
These constant strangers asking how I am, I want to respond: I'm not a part of a community with you. You're a total stranger to me who couldn't possibly care less how I'm doing. Quit pretending we're a part of community. There is no community. There is no connection at all.
101. Self persecution/self doubt (same thing actually) Kakfa's The Trial.
102. Everyone is smiling in the dystopia. The frowners are malcontents. Radicals. Revolutionaries. Not good yesmen. Not to be trusted with jobs.
103. Functional forgiving versus dsyfunctional forgiving is understanding versus forgetting.
104. Imaginary eyes
105. Wind the fear spring and watch them go.
106. The imagination to imagine what could be juxtaposed with what is....
107. The positivity cult:
You could join a social movement working to create an adequate safety net or to bring about more humane corporate policies, but those efforts might take a lifetime. For now, you can only change your perception of reality, from negative and bitter to positive and accepting. This was the corporate world's great gift to it's laid-ff employees and the overworked survivors--positive thinking.
108. Almost random creativity. Almost random oracles. Almost random.
109. The bad humor of saints. Treating people badly is unexpected.
110. Politics: Left-thinking the best of most people. Right-thinking the worst.
111. Happy people, those not consumed by fear/suspicion, those not busy trying to just survive themselves, are the ones finally in a position to be something other than indifferent towards others. Although OTOH people with lifelong cushy lives maybe don't have as much empathy for other's hardships.
112. Public Service Nightmares.
113. Short term: positivity cult, just believe this is the best of all possible worlds. Long term: see it for what it is, delve into that which is wrong.
114. The highly "moral" are zombiefied.
115. "Stalking" is (sometimes) related to the anti-post-industrial mindset. The return to people living in real communities where you don't just abruptly drop connections without adequate explanation.
116. Hide disagreements because you assume everyone's as closeminded as yourself. Hide disagreements because you assume ugly things (potential violence, etc) from those who disagree. Hide disagreements because you're not idealistic, you don't believe people can work together.
117. Believing in evil is necessary to get angry, which was evolutionarily beneficial because it helped one in committing violence. But is there anyone really evil? Or is it all really stupidity? How does the genius avoid being consumed by hate? While at the same time avoiding being considered an arrogant elitist?
118. OJ for back pain. Blueberry smoothies for sleep.
119. The idealist. The one who refuses to embrace the reality of this world, is partially not even here.
120. Post industrial living is more stressful? So many people with power over you to miscommunicate with while the majority are always getting pushed about as hard as they can stand as opposed to growing crops where you do what you can and either nature cooperates or doesn't. Then add in fewer meaningful long lasting relationships. Instead home alone watching TV. Less time outside and so on.
121. The man who questions everything appears unsure and nervous. The confident man mindlessly mimics others. Mindlessly follows tradition. The freethinker, to the extent he's really questioning, is in for hell. The traditionalist is completely unethical. To mindlessly follow tradition in this here world means to be without morals.
122. it is only possible to be an angel in a dystopia if you are a monster.
123. The prizing of the cubicle job and lack of esteem for those who do actually useful work.
124. The flaming hoop system. Learning and doing tons and tons of useless things basically just in order to have the proper credentials whereby you'll someday be allowed to hold a real job. Where you'll be worked about as much as you can stand. This system because under capitalism everyone will always be working as much as they can stand. And as technology increasingly does our work, we pointlessly stay in school for longer and longer.
125. The power hungry surrounding themselves with yesmen. Not even consciously. And those around the power hungry automatically becoming yesmen, even if maybe that's not really what the power hungry wanted. Which in turn makes the power hungry even more bereft of any self doubt, even more... wrong.
126. Utopia for the unethical. Dystopia for the highly ethical.
127. The mass production of art results in a sickness where the artist's motivation is to be famous. Simultaneously the vast majority of artists don't get adequate recognition. Decreases equality.
128. The will never again be a communist revolution because compared to the past we're now:
A. living in isolation. All sense of community is gone thanks to cars, TV and the internet.
B. at a nuch higher level of technology meaning better communication, better weapons, better systems for keeping tabs onteh citizens. Thus the power divide is far greater.
C. The military is extreme rightwing anymore. A revolution will almost certainly bring in a rightdictator and/or theocracy now.
D. The mass media now controls the thoughts of the people so, so, so much better. Communism has been successfully demonized where once it wasn't.
129. Show the usual panglossian adaptations people make applied to a far worse dystopia.
130. Unethical because you value the materialistic too much. The unzombie. Unethical because you just don't have much of an over-I.
131. Morality is:
some degree of altruism.
Altruism is:
self interst with some degree of long term forethought.
132. Someone said the internet isn't real. Well, in face to face interactions no one is real either. The internet was hopefully a way to uncover the parts hidden in the endless banal and pointless face to face interactions where people are doing nothing more than having ritualistic conversations the goals of which are highly crude. Not much more than sniffing each other's ass. The smile to say I'm not a threat, etc.
In face to face interactions you get 10% of the truth. On the internet the hope is that some part of the other 90% will peek through.
That's been my hope anyway.
And it certainly has peeked through at times.
And what has mostly peeked through is incredibly ugly.
But still what we have in online interactions amounts to about 3% of the truth as opposed to 10% generally speaking in face to face
133. As opposed to the butterfly effect, if you went back and changed the past, it wouldn't make a difference, eventually things would end up the same.
134. To make a good story, do the opposite of this blog. Withhold in order to keep people reading. Tease. Withhold justice. Withhold to keep mystery.
135. Hate is a reaction to the perception of indifference. Excepting misperceptions, indifference is the beginning.
136. The less relevant your dreams to your life, the more messed up you are.
137. exaggeratedly masochistic experiments
138. masochistic honesty
139. Some great and fabulous prize looms off in the distance in his mind and he seeks the truth and tries to draw others on along on the journey with him. Honest! Honest! Screaming it with your dying breath, again and again.
Wait. What are you doing? This is strange behavior on your part. This is a bit unreal. And causing negative results...
Still onwards! Reality twists and you journey on and on and on. Here and there coming to close to the edge.
Rarely: an oasis of healing. A moment of clarity. And rest.
Then, again, the ideal looms above. Shining, beautiful, awful, glorious. Onwards and onwards he strives towards it.
140. force vs reason
shame and anger and cuss words, etc are all on the side of force...?...
141. In the Force World being wrong means getting punished, thus people become closeminded. (Or not.)
142. The necessity of forgetting.
143. Imaginary eyes. The four kinds.
144. Specialization. Cold, stoic, unemotional men are good warriors. Women need to better communicate, need to be more alive. The more specialized the people, the more barbaric.
145. Kundera: Life is horrible. Even much worse than you think. So give up and enjoy this sunset. Possibly a good looking lady, provided you stay within social norms.
146. Bad Words: Inappropriate. (Just means not mindlessly following tradition.)
Privacy. No different than secrecy, except it's ok while secrecy not so much.
flip flopper/waffler (celebration of closemindedness)
preachy (saying things I disagree with)
emotional blackmail (pointing out I'm acting unethical when I want you to shut up about enjoy your shit sandwich)
stalker (most 'stalkers' have been wronged and aren't so good at throwing away their morals such as this post industrial society says they must.)
manipulative (similar to emotional blackmail at times)
nutters/nut/crazy, etc (anyone who you don't understand, anyone who isn't mindlessly following tradition, anyone who isn't just like you, anyone unhappy in dystopia)(also insensitive to those who are genuinely mentally ill)
147. Short term vs long term thinking
148. Compile everything which would make up dystopia.
149. What clothes do to us. Sexual perversion.
150. How the unknown is more interesting to us (until you pull back the curtain to see the blank wall, if you ever get that far...)
151. Don't burden other people with your unhappiness. Pretend to be happy.
152. I'm happy, you're not, therefore I'm right, you're wrong.
153. To be truly good, to think for yourself, means to see this world as a hell.
154. Thanks to rightwing anti-elitism, the elites convince themselves they're no better than anyone else, thus stupidity can't be used to explain the harm others cause and they're left only with believing they're surrounded by evil.
155. Faking one's death in order to get some interest in your art.
156. The fear of being perceived as gay is a far greater negative than actual hatred of gays.
157. Our mysticism buried into our subconscious.
158. Ther incredible extent to which we conform, to which we're just trying to please others instead of pleasing our super ego.
159. The structure of our society makes indifference the logical choice.
160. Corporate news media brainwashing (yes, I'm just repeating myself...)
161. Art turns rotten, into just being about fame.
162. Preachy means saying things you disagreed with.
163. Pretentious means speaking above a level that someone can understand (usually.)
Or can instead mean high level language for relatively crude ideas.
164. Kitsch means someone is being happy when I'm not.
165. Flip flopper/waffler - to be openminded is a bad thing.
166. In this corporate society there is no actual freedom of speech about the place you spend most of your waking hours: your job.
167. The alpha male. It's always there. The sense of who's best. Felt though by the person who isn't primarily. The alpha is at ease. The beta... omega not. Oh more complicated of course.
168. I almost don't even exist! Because I have so few friends. So few longterm meaningful relationships. Because no one cares a whit about my art. I could die and it wouldn't even matter to hardly anyone! And it's the same for most. The increase in technology along with our general way of life has made it so. Key seems to be to not need close relationships.... And is such an evil adaptation?
169. To conform to the meaningless or not conform knowing full well that not conforming won't work?
170. The pointlessness of relationships with people you see a few times a year in a world where that's how it is. Again and again, do you accept this world or reject it? To reject it means you're in for so much pain.
171. Love people, but highly critical of the system, of the traditions, and so on...
172. Simply list emotions:
Anger in response to indifference.
Sadness when we want help.
Elation
Fear-sometimes it seems like it's always present. Yet it need not ever be present.
Terror,, dread.
..
173. Primary motive-increase distance from nonexistence.
174. Altruism is long term self interest and/or imagining you're the other person and/or mindlessly following your own moral code (after you've used one of the preceding to establish your moral code and/or adopted/adapted a code from others/the society around you.
175. Imagining an audience exists where one actually doesn't in order to bother making your art?
176. The Great Party: imagining it exists and you're missing it.
177. Evolution: specialization: men became stoic (warriors) women more perceptive, better at communicating (to hold the tribe together)
178. Again, you must pretend to be happy in order to get/keep a job. Every single past job you've had has been wonderful, no matter what injustice actually occurred, etc.
179. The absurdity of leftists who act like rightwingers in their actual interactions, perfect rugged individualists, overriding fear of being perceived as gay, controlled by the need to not seem like the negative stereotypes the rightwing has created.
180. Paradoxically, people who are on the fringe working overtime to appear normal thus not be dismissed. In effect ending up with one single pet cause while otherwise being "normal". And the pet cause not having a chance because it's the whole system that would have to change. The pet cause can't just float by itself unsupported.
181. Awful at assessing people, thus default to assuming the worst.
182. Forgetting half the past thus the context is lost and feeling like a fool regarding the part you remember.
183. Double basis for morality: Utilitarianism for which we build a hazy set of almost absolute laws which we generally follow from day to day.
184. The moral thing to do is assume the best of people even as it means ignoring your ugly suspicions, thus you get burned over and over because you're good.
185. "Life's short" (therefore have as much fun as you can, drop anyone whom gives you any trouble.) (Actually if you don't believe in an afterlife, there is no way to have sufficient fun in this short life. The saying life's short is crap.) "Life's short" is usually a justification to treat others badly.
186. You must instead recognize just what monkeys we are. Realizing to what a huge extent all disagreements are still really solved solely by force in this world. You must address them not like a civilized person (a zombie) but like the monkey they are. You must tiptoe around them concerning any disagreement, doing your best to "not make any sudden movements" lest they think you're really just trying to force them. In this way they hopefully won't automatically turn the disagreement into a battle of wills and seeing who can successfully force the other to change.
187. The positivity cult responds with hate when they see someone really unhappy. Others who express unhappiness are just trying to "get attention" or be manipulative. Those of the positivity cult can't stand it when others express unhappiness.
188. Evil term: emotional blackmail.
189. In an every man for himself society, someone expressing unhappiness is bewildering to ohers. Clearly it's a manipulative trick. "Shut up and take care of yourself!" they yell as they back away in fear.
190. Gluttony, greed and lust: excessive short term desire
191. laziness: related to nihilism or simply bad health
192. Envy (too materialistic), anger (force over reason), pride (closeminded/arrogant, not lack of humility)
193. The essential quality of friendship is two people who feel safe enough with each other to disagree knowing they still truly care about each other.
194. This is a fear world. The "smarter" you are, the more constantly present are the threats. (not exactly but close)
195. Constantly rebuilding the past, scanning it for threats you might have previously missed the previous time you rebuilt it slightly different. You then purposely rebuild adding in threats just to see if maybe that's how it actually was. You drive yourself nuts.
196. Humor out of control in response to too much stress. Things that aren't actually funny, you start pretending are unexpected and therefore funny.
197. tick tock versus chop chop
198. Crying is probably based on a belief in "god". At the very least it's a way of asking for help. If you ever do it while alone you definitely believe in god, whether you realize it or not.
199. Painful experiments.
200. All the reasons why people actually smile.
a. Actual happiness
b. To show they're not a threat
c. To pretend we live in some other happy world that doesn't actually exist, let's all get together and pretend...
201. Force makes people want to keep their minds closed. Realizing you're wrong shouldn't mean having to feel shame, unless you believe that force is necessary throughout our society. Similarly you equate being wrong with feeling pain and thus don't want to admit you're wrong. And finally you lose sense of a personally identity if you change your mind, your beliefs become who you are, thus you can't face that you're wrong.
202. The monster (say Sigourney Weaver's Alien) managing to evolve to the point where it stops being a monster. What would the first such evolved Aliens who actually began questioning their society be like?
203. To the extent you are a rugged individualist and believe that's how people should be you will have less and less empathy for the meek and the weak eventually reaching a point where instead of feeling empathy you will feel disgust for them.
204. April 27th, 2009???
205. Fear is a constant for everyone and just hidden? No, not actually.
206. Women are more dishonest because they have less power. They're more afraid to tell the truth. Also more interested in pleasing others instead of questioning this world. They have less super ego.
207. The search for the identical person thanks to postindustrial living.
208. No explanation when you leave because you don't understand self well enough to explain. Also explanations sound like understanding which has no place in the search for the identical.
209. Hate is always just a reaction to indifference but in our society indifference is perfectly OK while hate never is.
210. The beautiful ideal: line up men and women opposite to each other and marry whoever is across from you.
211. Bad terms: preacy, polemicist.
212. Telling someone they're stupid or anything similar is an absurd action. Show it.
213. Too good for this world. (The Idiot)
214. Everything is an act, and behind the act there is nothing at all.
215. I've never felt Sam to be a pessimistic playwright. A pessimist does not try to write. The true pessimist wouldn't take the trouble of writing. Writing is an attempt to communicate, and if you're a pessimist you say communication is impossible: you wouldn't do it.
216. Severed psychic connections
217. We can't hate that which we understand.
218. Love as understanding versus "love" as idealizing.
219. Pull back the curtain to find a blank wall.
220. The Sigourney Alien as the ultimate example of overcoming the animal within us.
221. To dream of fame is to dream of being the alpha male.
222. Is it moral to pretend certain sufferings don't exist in order to enjoy the now?
223. The fake smile is a reminder of the violent world we live in.
224. "I'm not a threat" is a collection of bizarre behaviors including smiling, vocal tone, jokes that aren't remotely funny, etc...
225. To be openminded can mean constantly persecuting yourself if you equate being wrong with getting punished.
226. To be closeminded is to never be wrong, which in this violent/force society means being much happier.
227. Find analogous ways to show how ridiculous it is who we're not allowed to be close to one another. For example a man can't call another man on the phone "just to talk".
228. To recognize this world for what it is, is to be in hell. Show people in actual hell who are happy because they've adapted. Because they're nuts.
229. The extreme nuance of our vocal tone to express endlessly, for example subservience.
230. "Individuals with power (even randomly assigned power) tend to talk more, interrupt others, speak out of turn, and engage more readily in conflict. They use more expansive body language and smile less (subordinates specialize in smiles of submission or appeasement). They're more likely to enter the social space of others, stand too close, initiate physical contact, and flirt in less inhibited ways."
231. Desperately needing to fall in love in order to stand dystopia.
232. Angel Sydrome-to have to strong a sense of right and wrong for this dystopia. Too strong a streak of egalitarianism to properly act subordinate. Etc.
233. Like from Gormenhgast. Rituals/traditions that are mindlessly followed far beyond when their original meaning has been long forgotten. Absurd rituals.
234. Mowing the lawn for example.
235. The prose describes actions for which the goal is to simply show whom each character is.
236. Forgetting is crucial for nostalgia.
237. What would you do if you had one day left to live? (The absurdity of Life is Short)
238. Hell on the plain below:
http://lumpywheels.blogspot.com/2009/02/man-on-cliff-with-telescope-looking.html
239. Mirror versus balance:
If on the same side and relatively equal or feel superior then may feel the opposite in order to balance out overall mood.
If on the same side and feel lower in the hierarchy will simply mirror the other's mood.
If you feel not on the same side their happiness is a threat, their unhappiness most generally the opposite.
What it means to be on the same side versus not I have not explained well enough.
240. ....
There are hundreds of millions of people with internet access and if They existed that would have been The Place where They would have gone. With that incident it became clear that They just don't exist. And thus there is truly no hope for this world.
This is the knowledge I most can't live with. This is the awful truth I have discovered which the dreamers of the past were blissfully unaware of. With it all hope is destroyed.
241. You play The Game because you have no choice, but just short of the finish line you stop. And just can't take that last step...
242. Feeling like The Other in a society that kills all Others.
243. I created an evil god that wanted to kill me in order to have something to fight against, to fight to keep living. Now I no longer need such a thing but that god is still there, still wanting me dead.
244. Every night we sleep and forget and then are reborn anew. If we never slept, or never forgot, what in the world would we do?
245. The utopianist rejects the actual world and searches for a better one in part because he just can't enjoy this one. He focuses on long term thinking, on the too far future, because he can't enjoy the here and now.
246. Once you've made a mistake you forever refuse to admit, you're lost. You develop an ingrained deflection from facing your mistakes. You become closeminded. Routinely unable to face being wrong.
247. Wanting to be famous is just wanting to be the alpha male.
248. Looking for and then showing the meaning hidden within chaos.
249. The idea that "keeping it real" or being honest is vulgar behavior as opposed to being appropriately kitsch.
250. Backstabbing/gossip is a way to make friends.
251. How have we evolved? Sex crazed/"love" crazed. Pretty good at violence/stoic unemotional men. Unfulfilled thus "all you need is love" and spread your seed. Women especially highly jealous.
252. Theory of the Absurd. The absurdity of life. Nihilism. Pointless struggle. Pointless anything.
253. ''If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.'' Albert Einstein
254. Trying to make people like you instead of being strong enough to do what is actually Right.
255. Hurting someone and saying, "well I wasn't trying to hurt you although I don't particularly care" and that being OK, but the society demonizing someone who gets angry in response (hate / indifference)
256. Nervousness is caused by concentrating on yourself instead of the other.
257. Worst of all, to pull back the curtain and find a blank wall.
258. Forced to play, but just short of the finish line you stop and can't that last step, because you actually reject the game you've been forced into.
259. Justice is the goal of hate, indifference doesn't care about justice.
260. Places having magical feels.
261. Seeing the fundamental crude basis behind all actions and going crazy as a result.
262. "I think with my gut." And thus make awful decisions. But reaffirm my belief in magic which is essential in bothering to live at all.
263. All ethics/morals are simply the degree of altruism which we add into our self interest. And all our altruism is simply long term self interest.
264. The necessity of fantasy goals/hopes. Winning the lottery. The possibility of getting rich from your own business...
The End
Oct 29th, 2008
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
In terms of having an actually good memory and looking back on past unhappiness and being weighted down by it and thus wanting to compile happiness/happy memories in terms of thinking about the long term future, it isn't always the case that thinking about the long term means putting off "fun" while short termers instead focus on fun right now. The decision to have "meaningless" "fun" right now can be based on long term thinking. Some fun right now, to some extent, is indeed crucial to what one will be in the long term.
Why exercise?
1. Keep back healthy. Which just running 5mph does very well.
2. Have enough energy to make it through a 12+ hour workday, running from room to roomo with critically sick patients. The running is helping.
3. Sleep well. Both falling asleep and staying asleep/sleeping deeply. Weight lifting seems to help. Along with blueberry smoothies. I think it must be multiple sets of lifting to have that nice sleepy feeling instead of being wide awake at 5AM. And the reps perhaps not too high, although it's complicated.
As the above three get taken for granted I instead focus on how I look and running faster. Neither of which is sufficient reason to bother exercising.
Anyway thinking I feel better than I ever have in terms of the full package. Mental and physical. I suppose haven't had enough free time for facing reality. Well anyway, I've one single hour with which another music experiment...
1. Keep back healthy. Which just running 5mph does very well.
2. Have enough energy to make it through a 12+ hour workday, running from room to roomo with critically sick patients. The running is helping.
3. Sleep well. Both falling asleep and staying asleep/sleeping deeply. Weight lifting seems to help. Along with blueberry smoothies. I think it must be multiple sets of lifting to have that nice sleepy feeling instead of being wide awake at 5AM. And the reps perhaps not too high, although it's complicated.
As the above three get taken for granted I instead focus on how I look and running faster. Neither of which is sufficient reason to bother exercising.
Anyway thinking I feel better than I ever have in terms of the full package. Mental and physical. I suppose haven't had enough free time for facing reality. Well anyway, I've one single hour with which another music experiment...
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Had good work day Sunday which I guess triggered happy dream about being young and in "love". A love based on a lot of unknown that I could fill with good things. I went for a walk with this young lady I "loved" along with her family through the woods. Which was another unknown thus filled with good/magic things. The feeling for the young lady was a feeling I hadn't felt in many years. I woke up and managed to hold onto the feeling for a very short time then lost it. I use the word "love" but of course the word is so vague. In truth we use it to attempt to describe so many different things. It's so vague because two people rarely ever actually feel the same thing for each other and usually at least one wouldn't be able to stand understanding the difference in what the one was feeling versus the other.
This Tuesday night I took my cello to a relative of my wife's and messed around with his guitars, etc. He's very good on the guitar. Can just hear songs and figure out how to play them quickly. Also has a lot of guitars, lots of amps, and then lots of other interesting instruments. An omniharp for example which made great music immediately. His wife had spent so much time making a rock garden around their house. Yet they live in a trailer park, in a trailer on rented land. I like trailers actually. Always thought they had a nice setup but the renting part I really think sucks. In my socialist utopia renting would mostly be illegal. The government would give everyone land to own and/or make it such that people would sell land not attempt to rent.
Anyway feel bad my house is so nice while this person who's so similar in their love of music lives in a trailer. The difference between my house and their trailer caused me to dream I lived in a castle.
On a research team at work. Me and otherwise all managers and directors. And I've gotten stuck being the person primarily doing the research and now going to make and present a poster at a research day. I suppose they're impressed with my work. I hope this doesn't lead to getting offered a promotion. I'm sure I'd be unhappy with an office job. As things are I'm mostly happy to be getting to do a little bit of research but oh how I hate having to communicate by email with all these managers and directors.
Also I may be intelligent but ultimately these long term projects seem to always lead to some degree of procrastination which in turn gives me stress. Much prefer having a job where all the work basically needs to be done immediately. And communication is all face to face. And for that matter where there is a lot of communication and very little time spent alone.
I suppose that points to there being something lacking within me. Possibly it's just that in the past being a researcher was so negative. Or that such similar projects were otherwise tied into school which is basically a flaming hoop circus. Provided the work is actually useful I think it's different. And this work is.... But it's somewhat warped by politics. And the warping perhaps ties into me having a bit of procrastination. Like today I plan on not even looking at it... Although I did read a 225 page book Monday and Tuesday. And I only get paid by the hour. And I'm only getting paid 4 hours a month actually for this work. Which is to say I'm basically doing a ton of work for free. Because again, as long as it's actually useful work that's really making the world a better place, I'm pretty happy to be doing it for nothing at all in return. I don't want extra money, really DO NOT want to get a promotion. Happy to do it for nothing. But then, again, some politics are warping the process, although not too badly so far.
This Tuesday night I took my cello to a relative of my wife's and messed around with his guitars, etc. He's very good on the guitar. Can just hear songs and figure out how to play them quickly. Also has a lot of guitars, lots of amps, and then lots of other interesting instruments. An omniharp for example which made great music immediately. His wife had spent so much time making a rock garden around their house. Yet they live in a trailer park, in a trailer on rented land. I like trailers actually. Always thought they had a nice setup but the renting part I really think sucks. In my socialist utopia renting would mostly be illegal. The government would give everyone land to own and/or make it such that people would sell land not attempt to rent.
Anyway feel bad my house is so nice while this person who's so similar in their love of music lives in a trailer. The difference between my house and their trailer caused me to dream I lived in a castle.
On a research team at work. Me and otherwise all managers and directors. And I've gotten stuck being the person primarily doing the research and now going to make and present a poster at a research day. I suppose they're impressed with my work. I hope this doesn't lead to getting offered a promotion. I'm sure I'd be unhappy with an office job. As things are I'm mostly happy to be getting to do a little bit of research but oh how I hate having to communicate by email with all these managers and directors.
Also I may be intelligent but ultimately these long term projects seem to always lead to some degree of procrastination which in turn gives me stress. Much prefer having a job where all the work basically needs to be done immediately. And communication is all face to face. And for that matter where there is a lot of communication and very little time spent alone.
I suppose that points to there being something lacking within me. Possibly it's just that in the past being a researcher was so negative. Or that such similar projects were otherwise tied into school which is basically a flaming hoop circus. Provided the work is actually useful I think it's different. And this work is.... But it's somewhat warped by politics. And the warping perhaps ties into me having a bit of procrastination. Like today I plan on not even looking at it... Although I did read a 225 page book Monday and Tuesday. And I only get paid by the hour. And I'm only getting paid 4 hours a month actually for this work. Which is to say I'm basically doing a ton of work for free. Because again, as long as it's actually useful work that's really making the world a better place, I'm pretty happy to be doing it for nothing at all in return. I don't want extra money, really DO NOT want to get a promotion. Happy to do it for nothing. But then, again, some politics are warping the process, although not too badly so far.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A few times a week I'm managing to review a week or two of this blog history. Which is to say I'm reviewing too slow. I think I should speed it up, yet, I'll never again review this. This is it. Much of my life will be forgotten forever after this quick review. Which suggests I ought to take it slow. Hard to explain all the reasons I need to go faster...
1. The slowness is making it clearer this review will most likely only happen once.
2. I'm nearing 40 and I haven't begun the art I really want to do.
...what if when we die, we get a perfect memory of our entire lives?
It seems that along with the necessity of a belief in an afterlife in order to defeat nihilism we might also need this perfect memory. Because forgetting is like dying.
But a perfect memory might mean the Lovecraft Correlation. And/or/...? might it not be horrible to review an unhappy life? A life filled with fear, filled with boredom, filled with feeling uncontent. A whole life of fear, forever running, futilely. Running and running and running, for what? Always looking ahead, never singing and dancing....
OTOH it might be the way to stop being full of fear.
As I review this, the parts I remember my unhappiness, my stress/fear, as I revisit month after month of my past with that same feeling, it does something to me.
Struggling for the words... One way to say it is that I recognize how important it is to me that in the future I can look back on happier times. Somehow as opposed to wanting to be happy in the present... so that I'm happy in the present this way of viewing it gives it more meaning. Like I'm compiling happiness. Like my happiness is being remembered and really matters. As opposed to being something that will just be forgotten anyway and therefore really doesn't matter.
Perhaps simply through a better memory, such as this blog helps facilitate, I'm breaking out of the loop, breaking the cycle.
I am increasingly happy lately. Work is improving. Health is improving. But it's more than that. I'm breaking free of reality. Breaking the Lovecraft Correlation.
I'm turning life into what it must be for it to make any sense to bother living as opposed to just seeing it for what it actually is.
The reality is horrific.
But a year from now what do I want to go back and read?
1. The slowness is making it clearer this review will most likely only happen once.
2. I'm nearing 40 and I haven't begun the art I really want to do.
...what if when we die, we get a perfect memory of our entire lives?
It seems that along with the necessity of a belief in an afterlife in order to defeat nihilism we might also need this perfect memory. Because forgetting is like dying.
But a perfect memory might mean the Lovecraft Correlation. And/or/...? might it not be horrible to review an unhappy life? A life filled with fear, filled with boredom, filled with feeling uncontent. A whole life of fear, forever running, futilely. Running and running and running, for what? Always looking ahead, never singing and dancing....
OTOH it might be the way to stop being full of fear.
As I review this, the parts I remember my unhappiness, my stress/fear, as I revisit month after month of my past with that same feeling, it does something to me.
Struggling for the words... One way to say it is that I recognize how important it is to me that in the future I can look back on happier times. Somehow as opposed to wanting to be happy in the present... so that I'm happy in the present this way of viewing it gives it more meaning. Like I'm compiling happiness. Like my happiness is being remembered and really matters. As opposed to being something that will just be forgotten anyway and therefore really doesn't matter.
Perhaps simply through a better memory, such as this blog helps facilitate, I'm breaking out of the loop, breaking the cycle.
I am increasingly happy lately. Work is improving. Health is improving. But it's more than that. I'm breaking free of reality. Breaking the Lovecraft Correlation.
I'm turning life into what it must be for it to make any sense to bother living as opposed to just seeing it for what it actually is.
The reality is horrific.
But a year from now what do I want to go back and read?
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