Had good work day Sunday which I guess triggered happy dream about being young and in "love". A love based on a lot of unknown that I could fill with good things. I went for a walk with this young lady I "loved" along with her family through the woods. Which was another unknown thus filled with good/magic things. The feeling for the young lady was a feeling I hadn't felt in many years. I woke up and managed to hold onto the feeling for a very short time then lost it. I use the word "love" but of course the word is so vague. In truth we use it to attempt to describe so many different things. It's so vague because two people rarely ever actually feel the same thing for each other and usually at least one wouldn't be able to stand understanding the difference in what the one was feeling versus the other.

This Tuesday night I took my cello to a relative of my wife's and messed around with his guitars, etc. He's very good on the guitar. Can just hear songs and figure out how to play them quickly. Also has a lot of guitars, lots of amps, and then lots of other interesting instruments. An omniharp for example which made great music immediately. His wife had spent so much time making a rock garden around their house. Yet they live in a trailer park, in a trailer on rented land. I like trailers actually. Always thought they had a nice setup but the renting part I really think sucks. In my socialist utopia renting would mostly be illegal. The government would give everyone land to own and/or make it such that people would sell land not attempt to rent.

Anyway feel bad my house is so nice while this person who's so similar in their love of music lives in a trailer. The difference between my house and their trailer caused me to dream I lived in a castle.

On a research team at work. Me and otherwise all managers and directors. And I've gotten stuck being the person primarily doing the research and now going to make and present a poster at a research day. I suppose they're impressed with my work. I hope this doesn't lead to getting offered a promotion. I'm sure I'd be unhappy with an office job. As things are I'm mostly happy to be getting to do a little bit of research but oh how I hate having to communicate by email with all these managers and directors.

Also I may be intelligent but ultimately these long term projects seem to always lead to some degree of procrastination which in turn gives me stress. Much prefer having a job where all the work basically needs to be done immediately. And communication is all face to face. And for that matter where there is a lot of communication and very little time spent alone.

I suppose that points to there being something lacking within me. Possibly it's just that in the past being a researcher was so negative. Or that such similar projects were otherwise tied into school which is basically a flaming hoop circus. Provided the work is actually useful I think it's different. And this work is.... But it's somewhat warped by politics. And the warping perhaps ties into me having a bit of procrastination. Like today I plan on not even looking at it... Although I did read a 225 page book Monday and Tuesday. And I only get paid by the hour. And I'm only getting paid 4 hours a month actually for this work. Which is to say I'm basically doing a ton of work for free. Because again, as long as it's actually useful work that's really making the world a better place, I'm pretty happy to be doing it for nothing at all in return. I don't want extra money, really DO NOT want to get a promotion. Happy to do it for nothing. But then, again, some politics are warping the process, although not too badly so far.