Nostalgia

Kundera goes on about nostalgia at great length in Ignorance. He ultimately says it's like ignorance if I remember correctly as looks at it's meanings across various languages.

I often used to think back to the far past; to being ten years old, 14, 7, etc. And I would feel such yearning and pain to go back to then; such nostalgia. It seemed that back then the possibilities were endless. All doors were still open. There was real hope for.... something, that magical something. So many dreams could come true. There were so many beautiful people that I could meet and have fun with, be close with, love.

Hearing really old songs way later from the far past of course greatly heightened those nostalgic feelings. One in particular was this one:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=b9Ox-lGm-wA
I do remember very hot, humid summers and I remember a girl around this time that would look at me and her eyes would sear right through me with such longing.

I used to feel such nostalgia.

It's long gone. Feh. I should try to find something back in there where I was correct to feel nostalgia. Something in there were I really did have an actual chance. Where possibilities actually were open to me.

Because quite a while back I sat down and really thought hard about it and realized that that nostalgia was illusory. At no time did I ever have a chance. There was nothing I could have done differently that would have made any real difference. Which isn't to say I had it so bad. Better than most really. Goals just too high.

There was something I guess. A couple little somethings... But I feel no nostalgia for such specific precise few moments.