dogs, christians, bad humans, devils
crossroads devil gives you "the best music"
Remember (blows dust from hand). But the quality that makes it worth remembering will probably be lost.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2530392910118230001&hl=en
80 minutes in, the fake smile head on.
...well the whole thing really.
He's talking about how we agree to pretend to believe something that we don't actually believe. We believe it on one level but really don't truly believe it. It's a sort of show but for whom? For the chicken? lol. We all know we don't really believe it. Strange how it was clearer in my mind but having trouble writing it down.... try again.
We greet one another with a fake smile. It's understand it's not really real but to an extent we do/can believe in it. Why do we do it though when it's not truly real? Who are we playing for? For the chicken? What was that chicken thing about anyway, lol. Have to review his killer chicken part... So Beria removed from the Russian encyclopedia, hollywood censors, asking how people are, and smiling when you meet a stranger, etc they are all... related. They are all ideology. The agreement to all pretend we believe something we don't really believe......
Hmm, maybe I'm more impressed by how he wiped his nose hundreds of times with no tissue in front of all those people. But definitely lots to think about.
80 minutes in, the fake smile head on.
...well the whole thing really.
He's talking about how we agree to pretend to believe something that we don't actually believe. We believe it on one level but really don't truly believe it. It's a sort of show but for whom? For the chicken? lol. We all know we don't really believe it. Strange how it was clearer in my mind but having trouble writing it down.... try again.
We greet one another with a fake smile. It's understand it's not really real but to an extent we do/can believe in it. Why do we do it though when it's not truly real? Who are we playing for? For the chicken? What was that chicken thing about anyway, lol. Have to review his killer chicken part... So Beria removed from the Russian encyclopedia, hollywood censors, asking how people are, and smiling when you meet a stranger, etc they are all... related. They are all ideology. The agreement to all pretend we believe something we don't really believe......
Hmm, maybe I'm more impressed by how he wiped his nose hundreds of times with no tissue in front of all those people. But definitely lots to think about.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Deleted post... concerning coffee... and some other things. I quit drinking it and I must be going through some awful kind of withdrawal. Was really losing the ability to sleep at all (just on one or two cups of coffee per day...). Quit the coffee and I'm sleeping better but some things are worse than crappy sleep and feeling old.
Enjoyed listening to undo, my songs and rideflame's station all at the same time... I wonder about that too. Thought of it in positive ways in the past.. and I suppose it was soothing just now but perhaps it's not any kind of positive thing. And perhaps there's simply something wrong with anyone who likes Skinny Puppy's Too Dark Park.
...Oh geez. Forgot another important reason I quit drinking coffee. Ah memory is a pitiful thing. I started getting headaches where before I never ever had one. I finally had this almost incapacitating headache for three days straight... So what is worse, that? Or.... heh this other thing. (sigh) I guess for now I'll just have massive headaches...
Enjoyed listening to undo, my songs and rideflame's station all at the same time... I wonder about that too. Thought of it in positive ways in the past.. and I suppose it was soothing just now but perhaps it's not any kind of positive thing. And perhaps there's simply something wrong with anyone who likes Skinny Puppy's Too Dark Park.
...Oh geez. Forgot another important reason I quit drinking coffee. Ah memory is a pitiful thing. I started getting headaches where before I never ever had one. I finally had this almost incapacitating headache for three days straight... So what is worse, that? Or.... heh this other thing. (sigh) I guess for now I'll just have massive headaches...
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wanting this too much. Wanting to quit playing this game.
I once invented a god who hated me and it was a game to beat him. I need to invent another I guess. But such a petty god it would have to be... The god of TPS reports. Cubicals, fake smiles.
Agony was easy. This I don't think I'll manage.
The god of stupidity. In it's infinite face what can one possibly do? Only can turn away but he's everywhere.
Friday, October 24, 2008
A character who is like the creature from the movie Alien. The ultimate design for committing violence. Acid blood. Endless teeth. Etc. But a character who is intelligent and has a typical utopian ideal in his head and is depressed; constantly disappointed by how awful his fellows act. Why can't we just get along? he wonders.
Supposed to be humorous with parallels to the actual ultimate killing machine.
Supposed to be humorous with parallels to the actual ultimate killing machine.
Beneath a wheel
Beneath A wheel. Increasing technology makes less and less work necessary but certainly we can't reduce the 40 hour work week. So people need to spend longer and longer in school; till you need a masters degree to dig ditches for a living. So then it's school into your 30's on average.
And it's not enjoyable. It gets old. Procrastination increases.... Just little diversions instead of immediately finishing the never ending string of new assignments. The papers, the homework, the studying for tests... But these diversions... they can't be major projects. One can hardly go work on writing a book. Or a song. Or much that is creative. One generally can't go read a book.
The diversions are wasted on stupid idiocracy type entertainments. Football, etc. And life passes by.
And it's not enjoyable. It gets old. Procrastination increases.... Just little diversions instead of immediately finishing the never ending string of new assignments. The papers, the homework, the studying for tests... But these diversions... they can't be major projects. One can hardly go work on writing a book. Or a song. Or much that is creative. One generally can't go read a book.
The diversions are wasted on stupid idiocracy type entertainments. Football, etc. And life passes by.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Now what was it....? Damm.
Facebook. Briefly a humaniod race evolved to put up with horrible treatment. They just pipe on about insipid shlock incapable of facing negatives. Evolved into a happy slave race.
----
The first man to experience the "beneficial" mutation of anger. He goes around killing people ensuring anger genes are more likely to get passed on. His victims are bewildered...
----
The traits we have evolved as opposed to those that would bring utopia...
Small tribes in the forest, which ones survive/pass on their geners?
Violence
-Agressive
-bigotry
-mindlessly conformity
-specialization of tasks (men as cold and warrior-like as possible with women balancing them somewhat to stop tribe from disintegrating)
-so many others...
hypersexual of course
---
Maybe a second more respectable blog soon.
---
Facebook is like a virtual high school reunion. I have all these friend requests from people I don't remember. I see their insipid chat and think I'd rather not know them anyway. If I accept every friend request I could end up with a hundred people with notifications of all kinds of time consuming stupidity. Hate to seem mean though...
It was just a way to keep in touch a bit better with one friend of 30 years. Beyond that I'm interested to hear what about three people I knew in high school are up to. (Out of class of 1000.) Well maybe 4. Found one and I'm disappointed. He spends way too much time on facebook keeping it meaningless...
"The difference between a fool and a wise man is the wise man learns something from the fool."
Facebook. Briefly a humaniod race evolved to put up with horrible treatment. They just pipe on about insipid shlock incapable of facing negatives. Evolved into a happy slave race.
----
The first man to experience the "beneficial" mutation of anger. He goes around killing people ensuring anger genes are more likely to get passed on. His victims are bewildered...
----
The traits we have evolved as opposed to those that would bring utopia...
Small tribes in the forest, which ones survive/pass on their geners?
Violence
-Agressive
-bigotry
-mindlessly conformity
-specialization of tasks (men as cold and warrior-like as possible with women balancing them somewhat to stop tribe from disintegrating)
-so many others...
hypersexual of course
---
Maybe a second more respectable blog soon.
---
Facebook is like a virtual high school reunion. I have all these friend requests from people I don't remember. I see their insipid chat and think I'd rather not know them anyway. If I accept every friend request I could end up with a hundred people with notifications of all kinds of time consuming stupidity. Hate to seem mean though...
It was just a way to keep in touch a bit better with one friend of 30 years. Beyond that I'm interested to hear what about three people I knew in high school are up to. (Out of class of 1000.) Well maybe 4. Found one and I'm disappointed. He spends way too much time on facebook keeping it meaningless...
"The difference between a fool and a wise man is the wise man learns something from the fool."
Monday, October 13, 2008
The Fake Smile
or.... you can feel ashamed/anxious about honestly showing sadness/depression. And then you can feel a bit stupid and ridiculous and disgusted about feeling ashamed/anxious about honestly expressing sadness/depression.
Feeling bad for feeling bad for feeling bad.
Feeling bad for feeling bad for feeling bad.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Fake smiles again
An awful truth about human relationships is how even the most intelligent and nonconformist, when talking to a similar fellow person, feel the need to apologize for excessive unhappiness.
So then what? We feel ashamed for feeling unhappy. We feel as if we must hide our unhappiness. As if it wasn't bad enough being unhappy in the first place.
What is the point of having friends in the first place if you must hide your unhappiness to them? This is an awful thing and it's perfectly true. This is a true aspect of human relations. FWIW, it's not true with me.
This goes back somewhat to the fake smile I suppose. One can try to conjure/create a happy world by pretending to be happy to their "friend", out of consideration for them we pretend to be happy when we're not... I thought it so awful. It is another framing of the same problem; like as with Life Is Beautiful; with the concept of panglossianism, etc, do we try to see this world for what it is and Really change it. Or just immediately change it on some much smaller level... Where it hasn't actually changed but we've tried to perceive it slightly different... Where we fake smile. Where we are more considerate to others... (In a sense so to speak...)
One can really feel that smile after a while. And it's truly living in a fantasy world that has nothing to do with reality. And ensures that reality will not change. Except well, it does change a little. You have a day of real actual happiness if you and someone else both are playing such a game.
And if you don't have any happiness, after a while you won't be able to stand going on. When you look back at the past and it's all unhappy it starts to be very difficult to continue.
It does seem to be a question of degree. In this world perhaps a bit of the fake smile, the fantasy panglossed world, and other times spent actually facing it for what it is.
So then what? We feel ashamed for feeling unhappy. We feel as if we must hide our unhappiness. As if it wasn't bad enough being unhappy in the first place.
What is the point of having friends in the first place if you must hide your unhappiness to them? This is an awful thing and it's perfectly true. This is a true aspect of human relations. FWIW, it's not true with me.
This goes back somewhat to the fake smile I suppose. One can try to conjure/create a happy world by pretending to be happy to their "friend", out of consideration for them we pretend to be happy when we're not... I thought it so awful. It is another framing of the same problem; like as with Life Is Beautiful; with the concept of panglossianism, etc, do we try to see this world for what it is and Really change it. Or just immediately change it on some much smaller level... Where it hasn't actually changed but we've tried to perceive it slightly different... Where we fake smile. Where we are more considerate to others... (In a sense so to speak...)
One can really feel that smile after a while. And it's truly living in a fantasy world that has nothing to do with reality. And ensures that reality will not change. Except well, it does change a little. You have a day of real actual happiness if you and someone else both are playing such a game.
And if you don't have any happiness, after a while you won't be able to stand going on. When you look back at the past and it's all unhappy it starts to be very difficult to continue.
It does seem to be a question of degree. In this world perhaps a bit of the fake smile, the fantasy panglossed world, and other times spent actually facing it for what it is.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Tribes and backstabbing
tribes and talking bad about others, backstabbing...
Evolution.
....I think in the far past people lived in tribes of 50 to 100 people and the forming of bonds/friendships was often based on having a common enemy; the enemy being the evil tribe over the hill or across the river that would eat their hotdogs with sauerkraut or whatever.
Today the tribes aren't so clear. Although I guess one can go to high school and see how we still go to such lengths to divide up into tribes. But outside of high school, we more generally can't divide into tribes so well anymore. It's basically tons of people just arbitrarily plopped down together.
And they try to make friends. They try to break silences by... having a common enemy... and so they just so, so often start talking bad about someone else who isn't present. So much better if they can talk bad about a politician or piece of art, but so very often they jump to talking bad about coworkers, etc.
It was evolution. We lived in these little tribes and we killed one another. We constantly warred. Those tribes that killed best survived. Till the day some tribes grew to huge levels. What traits were desirable? Talking bad about people, smearing others behind their back was one such desirable trait.
...
It is what it is. If we can see it for what it was. Perhaps we could learn to grow beyond it. See the monkey in us and rise above it.
One example of many that I'm slowly compiling.
Evolution.
....I think in the far past people lived in tribes of 50 to 100 people and the forming of bonds/friendships was often based on having a common enemy; the enemy being the evil tribe over the hill or across the river that would eat their hotdogs with sauerkraut or whatever.
Today the tribes aren't so clear. Although I guess one can go to high school and see how we still go to such lengths to divide up into tribes. But outside of high school, we more generally can't divide into tribes so well anymore. It's basically tons of people just arbitrarily plopped down together.
And they try to make friends. They try to break silences by... having a common enemy... and so they just so, so often start talking bad about someone else who isn't present. So much better if they can talk bad about a politician or piece of art, but so very often they jump to talking bad about coworkers, etc.
It was evolution. We lived in these little tribes and we killed one another. We constantly warred. Those tribes that killed best survived. Till the day some tribes grew to huge levels. What traits were desirable? Talking bad about people, smearing others behind their back was one such desirable trait.
...
It is what it is. If we can see it for what it was. Perhaps we could learn to grow beyond it. See the monkey in us and rise above it.
One example of many that I'm slowly compiling.
I think that thinking in terms of games is a way to better enjoy life; turning everything into a game. Watching the movie Life is Beautiful, that is what the main character is doing while in the concentration camp and describing things to his child (while trying to shield him from the truth...)
Some games in this life I've just not played. It has caused me unhappiness to not play... but not playing was a part of playing another game... I look at what mankind has been, what men do to one another and I'm just not buying into the whole... thing so much; the whole game of interactions between men and trying to get ahead; the rate race, etc. Making money and "friends", etc. It's not a game I really want to put much time into. I think it would be kind of immoral to get very involved in it. And that is another game perhaps. The game of being a moral person. That's a game I'm more interested in doing well at.
I want to decrease suffering on a large scale. Not just working at a soup kitchen. I want to make some stories... or something, that can be widely disseminated and make a positive difference in this world. Something like what Ayn Rand did except something positive instead of negative.
...Another thing to see in Life is Beautiful is how people are like that little boy, they couldn't possibly stand to really see life for what it is. I say this in the sense of truly feeling for them. They can't actually stand it. But to improve our situation... they would need to.
Should they just learn to love the concentration camp or see it for what it is when chances maybe aren't so great they'll be able to change it?
It's not necessarily a good analogy. Of course it's not as bas as that. And it's more likely to be changed than that. But the analogy holds to an extent. And there is a point to use extreme things for analogies; things like Hitler, concentration camps, etc. Things that are less a question of degree and more obvious, thus the main point trying to be made is clearer.
Some games in this life I've just not played. It has caused me unhappiness to not play... but not playing was a part of playing another game... I look at what mankind has been, what men do to one another and I'm just not buying into the whole... thing so much; the whole game of interactions between men and trying to get ahead; the rate race, etc. Making money and "friends", etc. It's not a game I really want to put much time into. I think it would be kind of immoral to get very involved in it. And that is another game perhaps. The game of being a moral person. That's a game I'm more interested in doing well at.
I want to decrease suffering on a large scale. Not just working at a soup kitchen. I want to make some stories... or something, that can be widely disseminated and make a positive difference in this world. Something like what Ayn Rand did except something positive instead of negative.
...Another thing to see in Life is Beautiful is how people are like that little boy, they couldn't possibly stand to really see life for what it is. I say this in the sense of truly feeling for them. They can't actually stand it. But to improve our situation... they would need to.
Should they just learn to love the concentration camp or see it for what it is when chances maybe aren't so great they'll be able to change it?
It's not necessarily a good analogy. Of course it's not as bas as that. And it's more likely to be changed than that. But the analogy holds to an extent. And there is a point to use extreme things for analogies; things like Hitler, concentration camps, etc. Things that are less a question of degree and more obvious, thus the main point trying to be made is clearer.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
1. Show it for what it is on it's fundamental level. Analogies, insights.... etc.
2. Show what it could be instead.
3. Show what is causing reality to be 1 instead of 2.
(Heaven lost, utopia lost, someplace lost, no longer, past, hate the christian implication of heaven... some place, some thing I was touched by... and that both kills me with it's abscence and made me strong...
From this muck, this soup, to furtively be hidden, surely.
Delusions of grandeur, pretensions, pain.)
How the sane can get along decently in an insane world....
See it for what it is. Understand when you're dealing with mindless conformity. When people are just using force. Know what battles to bother fighting.
Analogy using a more clearly insane world. Show a person absurdly trying to use reason in a society more clearly nuts. Put the Man of Reason into a world that is a little more obviously idiofied. Show the absurd. Absurdly trying to reason with someone who clearly has no use for reason.
Hell analogies. Various dystopias with features that are disconcertingly just like reality....
---------
Skinner-Positive reinforcement.... you reinforce the positive. What do you do with the negative? You don't reinforce it... But what do you do? Pretend to misunderstand it as something positive and reinforce that? I don't think that ignoring it always works...
Milgram-people, with little questioning, obey authority. Some more than others. Why? Those with close fathers were less likely to obey horrible orders. Does that make sense? More secure, less full of fear, stronger. Perhaps with better morals instilled in them. People conform. Sometimes it's absurd. I think the line experiment is more grand than the electric shock torture experiment. Show this absurdity....
The indifferent bystanders-the higher density of people, the more indifferent they become. They conform and/or they figure someone else will do something.
Cognitive disonnance-faith, etc. Of course. It's just a question of degree...
Rat Park-drug addiction is primarily a result of being unhappy with the world the way it is. No kidding. The evolutionary edge. The best killers... but they can no longer stand themselves and the world they've created. They walk the line. Those who created beer were able to evolve further towards being good killers, smarter, more full of anger...
False Memories-sure. People take the past and twist it. And I think not just the far past. In fact more often the very recent past. Like yesterday, an hour ago. And repressed memories? An idea that seems sort of unlikely but probably does occur to some extent.
Memory mechanics-neuronal engravings; proven by Kandel. Just like I hypothesized at least ten years ago. Supposedly alcohol kills brains cells. It can lighten the depth of the engravings giving the opportunity to choose which patterns to break free of.
Holy crap. Genetically engineering massive amounts of CREB means editic(sp) memory. Memory Pharmaceuticals. http://www.memorypharma.com/ Looks so... normal. The implications are potentially huge. A smart pill. Or the final horrific pulling back of the curtain. Or just some drug that slightly eleviates alzheimers in the short term before the body successfully adjusts and reestablishes base.
"I wonder if anyone has ever considered the benefits of memory loss?" asks Lauren Slater.
Along with things already mentioned there is the issue of not being able to focus on the here and now as well as our mind gets cluttered with past memories.. such as Slater muses. But I don't think that describes what would actually happen with massive CREB. The reason our ability to remember declines is in part because we aren't experiencing the present quite so fully (mind cluttered with so many past memories). CREB may play a role in improving focus... Slater seems to think it would make people remember the past from before they took the drug. I don't think so.
S. (A. L. Luria) had almost perfect recall but couldn't glean any meaning. Couldn't even comprehend facial expressions very well... Recite The Odyssey but couldn't tell you what it meant. (Who could?) Does this necessarily mean anything? Daniel Tammet has almost perfect recall thanks to synethesia... and he can understand, he can glean meaning... although he is still autistic...
A drug that can make you forget a short period of time actually exists. Not marketed yet. (not rophy, better and more horrible.)
----
To what extent can irrelevant objects, settings, etc become associated with negative feelings/memories? With a really unhappy/hard life can you reach the point moving to someplace very alien would be helpful? Is there actually any meaningful truth to this idea at all?
2. Show what it could be instead.
3. Show what is causing reality to be 1 instead of 2.
(Heaven lost, utopia lost, someplace lost, no longer, past, hate the christian implication of heaven... some place, some thing I was touched by... and that both kills me with it's abscence and made me strong...
From this muck, this soup, to furtively be hidden, surely.
Delusions of grandeur, pretensions, pain.)
How the sane can get along decently in an insane world....
See it for what it is. Understand when you're dealing with mindless conformity. When people are just using force. Know what battles to bother fighting.
Analogy using a more clearly insane world. Show a person absurdly trying to use reason in a society more clearly nuts. Put the Man of Reason into a world that is a little more obviously idiofied. Show the absurd. Absurdly trying to reason with someone who clearly has no use for reason.
Hell analogies. Various dystopias with features that are disconcertingly just like reality....
---------
Skinner-Positive reinforcement.... you reinforce the positive. What do you do with the negative? You don't reinforce it... But what do you do? Pretend to misunderstand it as something positive and reinforce that? I don't think that ignoring it always works...
Milgram-people, with little questioning, obey authority. Some more than others. Why? Those with close fathers were less likely to obey horrible orders. Does that make sense? More secure, less full of fear, stronger. Perhaps with better morals instilled in them. People conform. Sometimes it's absurd. I think the line experiment is more grand than the electric shock torture experiment. Show this absurdity....
The indifferent bystanders-the higher density of people, the more indifferent they become. They conform and/or they figure someone else will do something.
Cognitive disonnance-faith, etc. Of course. It's just a question of degree...
Rat Park-drug addiction is primarily a result of being unhappy with the world the way it is. No kidding. The evolutionary edge. The best killers... but they can no longer stand themselves and the world they've created. They walk the line. Those who created beer were able to evolve further towards being good killers, smarter, more full of anger...
False Memories-sure. People take the past and twist it. And I think not just the far past. In fact more often the very recent past. Like yesterday, an hour ago. And repressed memories? An idea that seems sort of unlikely but probably does occur to some extent.
Memory mechanics-neuronal engravings; proven by Kandel. Just like I hypothesized at least ten years ago. Supposedly alcohol kills brains cells. It can lighten the depth of the engravings giving the opportunity to choose which patterns to break free of.
Holy crap. Genetically engineering massive amounts of CREB means editic(sp) memory. Memory Pharmaceuticals. http://www.memorypharma.com/ Looks so... normal. The implications are potentially huge. A smart pill. Or the final horrific pulling back of the curtain. Or just some drug that slightly eleviates alzheimers in the short term before the body successfully adjusts and reestablishes base.
"I wonder if anyone has ever considered the benefits of memory loss?" asks Lauren Slater.
Along with things already mentioned there is the issue of not being able to focus on the here and now as well as our mind gets cluttered with past memories.. such as Slater muses. But I don't think that describes what would actually happen with massive CREB. The reason our ability to remember declines is in part because we aren't experiencing the present quite so fully (mind cluttered with so many past memories). CREB may play a role in improving focus... Slater seems to think it would make people remember the past from before they took the drug. I don't think so.
S. (A. L. Luria) had almost perfect recall but couldn't glean any meaning. Couldn't even comprehend facial expressions very well... Recite The Odyssey but couldn't tell you what it meant. (Who could?) Does this necessarily mean anything? Daniel Tammet has almost perfect recall thanks to synethesia... and he can understand, he can glean meaning... although he is still autistic...
A drug that can make you forget a short period of time actually exists. Not marketed yet. (not rophy, better and more horrible.)
----
To what extent can irrelevant objects, settings, etc become associated with negative feelings/memories? With a really unhappy/hard life can you reach the point moving to someplace very alien would be helpful? Is there actually any meaningful truth to this idea at all?
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