A blog IS a good thing. And I think I should start running again. Except there's a half a foot of snow on the ground. That will burn out my calves too quick. And starting a running program in the dead of winter will probably give me a cold. I actually own a really nice treadmill. But still it sits at the old house. It wouldn't but my wife is so very good at throwing up obstacles. She mistakenly thought the cold would destroy it. And where would we put it anyway? "Oh my god you couldn't put it there!!!!" We still have half the pictures not put up because I have to ask her approval first and she hates making decisions so much that instead she finds something to scream at me about whenever I ask about finishing to unpack. So the treadmill sits unused in the cold at the old house as I really wish I had a way to do some jogging her in the dead of Januaury. But then the house is so big and circular I can just jog in it. And I hate treadmills anyway. I bought it for her. ($1000). She never uses it. Endless excuses why she can't exercise.

But, I lay in bed at night and if I'm touching her I can sleep. Just the back of my hand against her upper thigh and the overheated feeling and insomnia abates a bit. And I sleep. She hates to be touched when she's going to sleep though. So I have to be kind of clandestine about it. Reminds me of my past cat Gulliver. He wanted to be touching the much older very grumpy cat when he went to bed. And it was just like my wife. It would hiss at him to get away! So, he'd wait till it was asleep and then reach out delicately with one paw lightly touching his back.

So I do the same with my wife. I do wonder about how cats sometime seem to act like the people they live with.

Gulliver was killed by coyotes in New Mexico.

So my wife rolls over in her sleep on top of my hand and I finally wake up with my hand all sweaty and pull it out from under her. And immediately that relaxed sensation is gone and the insomnia and overheated feeling is back. I lay there and experiment with lightly touching her upper thigh with the back of my hand and then not, back in forth. If it's just in my head why can't I pretend I'm touching her when I'm not to get the same effect?

I work night shift so we usually don't get to sleep together. I haven't been sleeping so great. So many factors go into sleeping good/bad.

Through a bad memory I feel guilty about Gulliver's death. I used to let the cats go outside, now I don't. Gulliver died because he was allowed outside. But the reason we don't let them out now isn't because they could die. It's because the one cost us 800 dollars when someone shot it with an air rifle and broke it's leg. I periodically remember that all these years later Loki's dad could still be here with us, if only I had kept him inside. And I feel guilty. But it's because I keep forgetting. The cats we have right now I'd also let outside except that I can't afford huge vet bills when they hop home with dangling legs.

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Started a song on the old "music" computer using z3ta+, that new wonderful reverb, and Partch's 43. Just using 6 notes though from it. The root, 1.25, 1.5, 1.75 (the lost harmonic seventh), 1.33 and 1.66. So effing beautiful. z3ta+ destroys every previous VST. But on the old "music" computer just one instance of z3ta+ and that impulse reverb uses from 40 to 60% of the CPU. But it sounds so beautiful it's worth it. I guess I should upgrade the computer to 4 gigs of memory. Had been thinking to just go right past 4 up to 6 or 8, possibly just buy another computer. But, actually 32 bit systems can't use more than 4 gigs anyway. And most VSTs are only 32 bit I hear.

The new piece is so beautiful I have to just let it sit untouched for at least a few more days.