I want to create a beautiful world in my mind. A world/universe that contains a people whom aren't tied to the harmful things us humans are held down by. To make it actual stories they'll need negative things to overcome. And I suppose that is life. That is, The Thing. The funny thing about why I haven't managed as a writer. Hmmm, I don't enjoy creating obstacles that must be overcome.

I want to create this world to strengthen my own faith in magic. Because I know when I personally create it, it is (or at least, it really can be) a bit more real than when someone else did...

But to make it an actual story; ugly, stupid, tedious stuff it seems has to be thrown in. "Evil" people and so on. Plots held together by people acting stupidly. People striving after unimportant goals.

Tomorrow I want to list a bunch of my favorite books and try (yet again) to think of a single one that if it were me I could see any way I would have enjoyed writing it. I mean this, in terms of the plot.

The Demon Princes-find and get revenge (yet without the nasty ugly emotions that should actually naturally go along with such an endeavor, but it seems being unrealistic is so often essential... and how do I feel about that? Doesn't make it real. What has been real to me has been pitiful fragments within barely begun stories. Perhaps successful stories wouldn't feel so real...)

The whole traveling across the land thing for whatever reason and running into people wishing harm, etc. So aimless and random. As creativity is. It's the ugly truth of so much creativity. (Such fun to pretend at least dreams have real meaning.) But within the random there is meaning. It's in there. Often hiding. But you throw down the tea leaves and they do show you something of another place...

(I should do some music loop mangling. Figured it would feel way too random for my tastes but as I've just said...)

The story can move along (somewhat) randomly and become much more. There is nothing wrong with the random. It is essential. There isn't actually any escaping it. No successful artist has ever not been quite random. Spin and spin and spin the wheel... and then eventually... I hate to say it. Bring back order I suppose. Randomness to give faith... Then pretend it's not random. That within this randomness lurks "divine" inspiration that must just be found afterwards.

So silly. But if faith in magic is the goal. And I want to be creative for that purpose. And I actually see creativity as doing random stuff then finding order.... Then it's 3AM and I'll think later about this.

Seems to come down to tricking myself. But really, that should go without saying from the start. But I have to do it in a convoluted way as I can't manage it straight on.

It simply must be done. I must trick myself?

I suppose like a suduko puzzle where you have no choice but to guess a few numbers. Then you see if you were right. In this way we pull back a curtain (a different curtain) to reveal a magical world. We won't reveal it perfectly. As the music doesn't reveal it perfectly. But within the randomness something is revealed.

Randomness plus ordering ("creativity") for the purpose of revealing a magical world that is otherwise forever invisible....