Can't be bothered to find the paper I wrote on... But when this life is no longer the grand stage, when this life is not The Place and instead just some time killed at the airport, when this life isn't The Life. When there really isn't any Grand Party that is being missed, when nothing Really Matters.... then death isn't so particularly bad. And then one is more able to enjoy time spent enjoying simple things. And one doesn't have such a Hypertrophied Soul...

Having an irregular heart beat. Wearing a heart monitor for 48 hours currently. I feel OK but can feel my heart doing ...stuff.

Normally if one meets 100 people and 99 are good but the last punches you in the face, one must focus on that one negative experience disproportionately. But when one has accepted their impending death this isn't the case so much anymore. When such harms the evil person can cause don't matter so much anymore... then one can instead find themselves focusing on the 99 good people. With the acceptance of death one can so better see what beauty (simple though it may be) this life had. The ugliness can thankfully be finally forgotten.

Perhaps this is to say that fear is lost. One is no longer wincing in anticipation of the death blow, or the next catastrophe, nor instead yearning in dissatisfaction for some grand dream for that matter. Just happy enough, right here.

The above has two parts. The first part makes death not so bad. The second part is where death makes (what is left of) life not so bad. The second part though is conditional I suppose on having an impending death where one isn't in much pain... And thus I suppose where the reality of the death maybe isn't too terribly real. Might all disappear, forgotten, in a moment with real pain of course.

"There is no pain in the stone, but there is pain in the fear of the stone. God is the pain of the fear of death. He who overcomes pain and fear will himself become God...." Dostoevsky-Demons, pg 117...