Had good work day Sunday which I guess triggered happy dream about being young and in "love". A love based on a lot of unknown that I could fill with good things. I went for a walk with this young lady I "loved" along with her family through the woods. Which was another unknown thus filled with good/magic things. The feeling for the young lady was a feeling I hadn't felt in many years. I woke up and managed to hold onto the feeling for a very short time then lost it. I use the word "love" but of course the word is so vague. In truth we use it to attempt to describe so many different things. It's so vague because two people rarely ever actually feel the same thing for each other and usually at least one wouldn't be able to stand understanding the difference in what the one was feeling versus the other.
This Tuesday night I took my cello to a relative of my wife's and messed around with his guitars, etc. He's very good on the guitar. Can just hear songs and figure out how to play them quickly. Also has a lot of guitars, lots of amps, and then lots of other interesting instruments. An omniharp for example which made great music immediately. His wife had spent so much time making a rock garden around their house. Yet they live in a trailer park, in a trailer on rented land. I like trailers actually. Always thought they had a nice setup but the renting part I really think sucks. In my socialist utopia renting would mostly be illegal. The government would give everyone land to own and/or make it such that people would sell land not attempt to rent.
Anyway feel bad my house is so nice while this person who's so similar in their love of music lives in a trailer. The difference between my house and their trailer caused me to dream I lived in a castle.
On a research team at work. Me and otherwise all managers and directors. And I've gotten stuck being the person primarily doing the research and now going to make and present a poster at a research day. I suppose they're impressed with my work. I hope this doesn't lead to getting offered a promotion. I'm sure I'd be unhappy with an office job. As things are I'm mostly happy to be getting to do a little bit of research but oh how I hate having to communicate by email with all these managers and directors.
Also I may be intelligent but ultimately these long term projects seem to always lead to some degree of procrastination which in turn gives me stress. Much prefer having a job where all the work basically needs to be done immediately. And communication is all face to face. And for that matter where there is a lot of communication and very little time spent alone.
I suppose that points to there being something lacking within me. Possibly it's just that in the past being a researcher was so negative. Or that such similar projects were otherwise tied into school which is basically a flaming hoop circus. Provided the work is actually useful I think it's different. And this work is.... But it's somewhat warped by politics. And the warping perhaps ties into me having a bit of procrastination. Like today I plan on not even looking at it... Although I did read a 225 page book Monday and Tuesday. And I only get paid by the hour. And I'm only getting paid 4 hours a month actually for this work. Which is to say I'm basically doing a ton of work for free. Because again, as long as it's actually useful work that's really making the world a better place, I'm pretty happy to be doing it for nothing at all in return. I don't want extra money, really DO NOT want to get a promotion. Happy to do it for nothing. But then, again, some politics are warping the process, although not too badly so far.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A few times a week I'm managing to review a week or two of this blog history. Which is to say I'm reviewing too slow. I think I should speed it up, yet, I'll never again review this. This is it. Much of my life will be forgotten forever after this quick review. Which suggests I ought to take it slow. Hard to explain all the reasons I need to go faster...
1. The slowness is making it clearer this review will most likely only happen once.
2. I'm nearing 40 and I haven't begun the art I really want to do.
...what if when we die, we get a perfect memory of our entire lives?
It seems that along with the necessity of a belief in an afterlife in order to defeat nihilism we might also need this perfect memory. Because forgetting is like dying.
But a perfect memory might mean the Lovecraft Correlation. And/or/...? might it not be horrible to review an unhappy life? A life filled with fear, filled with boredom, filled with feeling uncontent. A whole life of fear, forever running, futilely. Running and running and running, for what? Always looking ahead, never singing and dancing....
OTOH it might be the way to stop being full of fear.
As I review this, the parts I remember my unhappiness, my stress/fear, as I revisit month after month of my past with that same feeling, it does something to me.
Struggling for the words... One way to say it is that I recognize how important it is to me that in the future I can look back on happier times. Somehow as opposed to wanting to be happy in the present... so that I'm happy in the present this way of viewing it gives it more meaning. Like I'm compiling happiness. Like my happiness is being remembered and really matters. As opposed to being something that will just be forgotten anyway and therefore really doesn't matter.
Perhaps simply through a better memory, such as this blog helps facilitate, I'm breaking out of the loop, breaking the cycle.
I am increasingly happy lately. Work is improving. Health is improving. But it's more than that. I'm breaking free of reality. Breaking the Lovecraft Correlation.
I'm turning life into what it must be for it to make any sense to bother living as opposed to just seeing it for what it actually is.
The reality is horrific.
But a year from now what do I want to go back and read?
1. The slowness is making it clearer this review will most likely only happen once.
2. I'm nearing 40 and I haven't begun the art I really want to do.
...what if when we die, we get a perfect memory of our entire lives?
It seems that along with the necessity of a belief in an afterlife in order to defeat nihilism we might also need this perfect memory. Because forgetting is like dying.
But a perfect memory might mean the Lovecraft Correlation. And/or/...? might it not be horrible to review an unhappy life? A life filled with fear, filled with boredom, filled with feeling uncontent. A whole life of fear, forever running, futilely. Running and running and running, for what? Always looking ahead, never singing and dancing....
OTOH it might be the way to stop being full of fear.
As I review this, the parts I remember my unhappiness, my stress/fear, as I revisit month after month of my past with that same feeling, it does something to me.
Struggling for the words... One way to say it is that I recognize how important it is to me that in the future I can look back on happier times. Somehow as opposed to wanting to be happy in the present... so that I'm happy in the present this way of viewing it gives it more meaning. Like I'm compiling happiness. Like my happiness is being remembered and really matters. As opposed to being something that will just be forgotten anyway and therefore really doesn't matter.
Perhaps simply through a better memory, such as this blog helps facilitate, I'm breaking out of the loop, breaking the cycle.
I am increasingly happy lately. Work is improving. Health is improving. But it's more than that. I'm breaking free of reality. Breaking the Lovecraft Correlation.
I'm turning life into what it must be for it to make any sense to bother living as opposed to just seeing it for what it actually is.
The reality is horrific.
But a year from now what do I want to go back and read?
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Finally bought Tarkovsky's Stalker. To me places have feelings which I can't put into words and seem attached to mysticism. As I've gotten older I've noticed it less, perhaps for the usual reason of being too locked into memories of the past to completely take in my present surroundings. Still I watch Stalker and get this feel of that generalized area of the world. I'm reminded of my visit to Kazakhstan. All of Russia comes together with this feeling, all the Russian writers I've read. The few movies I've seen. All presents this feeling which I can't explain. Something positive about it. Sort of like the UK and my strange feeling I was meant to have lived there, although nowhere near as strong.
The beginning sequence of making it into The Zone feels like a dream, not quite realistic. Reminds me of Sleeping Child's Play.
-
Finally switched to just one night shift a week instead of 3. This should be a huge positive in my life. The really bad part of working nightshifts was the days off, spent up all alone through the middle of the night. Just couldn't switch my sleeping back and forth that much. Hopefully switching for a single day won't be so bad.
An intelligent student at work said I could speak online to people in Asia, etc at night. My response was a bit too derisive really. It just came out too quick. Was very tired by that point from a hard day plus have such an incredibly negative outlook on internet interactions now.
Has been good to blog for me though. Hard to go back over old posts. Hard but I think very good. So hard to remember my unhappiness. But brings it home that I want a future within which I can look back on the past and not have the feeling I have now. I want to look back on positive memories.
But how positive can they ever really be in dystopia?
I can't unknow that this is a dytopia. It's like mowing the lawn. Recently reading a book (Edible Estates) which talks in great detail about what a pointless negative thing lawn mowing is. Yesterday as I was mowing the lawn I was thinking about how I've always known this. Since I was 11, 12 years old. I've always understood this despite it back then taking place in a manner that I couldn't articulate. I've no problem with hard work provided it isn't a ridiculous utter waste of time. I can't forget how retarded lawn mowing is and in the same way I can't forget this is dystopia and so how happy can I ever really be?
Trying to fall asleep last night and wanted a happy thing to think about. Had to stay up a bit and sleep alone to get ready for single night shift tonight. I used to sometimes try to think happy thoughts about a person I knew who lived in the UK. That person's made it extremely difficult for me to continue thinking happy thoughts about her.
Eating green vegetables, blueberry smoothies and daily running really help with sleeping well. As does thinking happy thoughts while falling asleep. This knowledge I have, that this world is a dystopia, which I guess others don't have, much like apparently most people enjoy mowing their lawn, it can be forgotten if I'm focusing on people for whom my interactions have been positive. It doesn't work with my wife because she's right here. There's nothing missing to fill in with imagination.
The missing though... so easy to fill it with negatives though. Especially with a strong imagination and a life already quite full of negatives. It's perhaps dangerous to deal with people whom have too much missing info.
About lawn mowing though, so much pain in this world, so much unhappiness that can't be avoided. We ought to have fun when we can, and so what do people do?
They make sure their land has only one single type of very boring plant on it and make sure each frond is exactly the same height by spending a very loud hour or two of each of their precious few days off from work cutting it. They're overworked to begin with and so this is what they do with their free time.
They might as well just go back to work on Saturdays instead.
You point out how ridiculous it is and how do they respond? They make up crap. About a horde of snakes overtaking the land and so on. Humans are hopeless. I suppose they're evolved into this, this creature that wouldn't know what to do with it's self if it wasn't doing some drugery.
Another thing about work, was thinking about the whole 'how are you? I'm fine. And you?" exchange. It's not only that you have to say you're fine even if you aren't because the other person actually has no real connection to you and couldn't do anything even if you weren't. Even worse, saying you're not fine makes it sound like you're unstable and maybe a liability as an employee there. Again, the fake smile. In dystopia everyone is smiling. And everyone's fine. Because those who aren't smiling, those who aren't fine, are dangerous, unstable, not to be trusted with jobs, etc.
Yet still I also ask people how they are. And I'm sure they lie and say they're fine when they're not. To not do so would be so rude. It would be seen as me saying, I'm not even going to pretend that I give a damm how you are. In truth I want to really give a damm. But you know, no one's going to say they're not fine, except for maybe an annoying cold, etc.
The beginning sequence of making it into The Zone feels like a dream, not quite realistic. Reminds me of Sleeping Child's Play.
-
Finally switched to just one night shift a week instead of 3. This should be a huge positive in my life. The really bad part of working nightshifts was the days off, spent up all alone through the middle of the night. Just couldn't switch my sleeping back and forth that much. Hopefully switching for a single day won't be so bad.
An intelligent student at work said I could speak online to people in Asia, etc at night. My response was a bit too derisive really. It just came out too quick. Was very tired by that point from a hard day plus have such an incredibly negative outlook on internet interactions now.
Has been good to blog for me though. Hard to go back over old posts. Hard but I think very good. So hard to remember my unhappiness. But brings it home that I want a future within which I can look back on the past and not have the feeling I have now. I want to look back on positive memories.
But how positive can they ever really be in dystopia?
I can't unknow that this is a dytopia. It's like mowing the lawn. Recently reading a book (Edible Estates) which talks in great detail about what a pointless negative thing lawn mowing is. Yesterday as I was mowing the lawn I was thinking about how I've always known this. Since I was 11, 12 years old. I've always understood this despite it back then taking place in a manner that I couldn't articulate. I've no problem with hard work provided it isn't a ridiculous utter waste of time. I can't forget how retarded lawn mowing is and in the same way I can't forget this is dystopia and so how happy can I ever really be?
Trying to fall asleep last night and wanted a happy thing to think about. Had to stay up a bit and sleep alone to get ready for single night shift tonight. I used to sometimes try to think happy thoughts about a person I knew who lived in the UK. That person's made it extremely difficult for me to continue thinking happy thoughts about her.
Eating green vegetables, blueberry smoothies and daily running really help with sleeping well. As does thinking happy thoughts while falling asleep. This knowledge I have, that this world is a dystopia, which I guess others don't have, much like apparently most people enjoy mowing their lawn, it can be forgotten if I'm focusing on people for whom my interactions have been positive. It doesn't work with my wife because she's right here. There's nothing missing to fill in with imagination.
The missing though... so easy to fill it with negatives though. Especially with a strong imagination and a life already quite full of negatives. It's perhaps dangerous to deal with people whom have too much missing info.
About lawn mowing though, so much pain in this world, so much unhappiness that can't be avoided. We ought to have fun when we can, and so what do people do?
They make sure their land has only one single type of very boring plant on it and make sure each frond is exactly the same height by spending a very loud hour or two of each of their precious few days off from work cutting it. They're overworked to begin with and so this is what they do with their free time.
They might as well just go back to work on Saturdays instead.
You point out how ridiculous it is and how do they respond? They make up crap. About a horde of snakes overtaking the land and so on. Humans are hopeless. I suppose they're evolved into this, this creature that wouldn't know what to do with it's self if it wasn't doing some drugery.
Another thing about work, was thinking about the whole 'how are you? I'm fine. And you?" exchange. It's not only that you have to say you're fine even if you aren't because the other person actually has no real connection to you and couldn't do anything even if you weren't. Even worse, saying you're not fine makes it sound like you're unstable and maybe a liability as an employee there. Again, the fake smile. In dystopia everyone is smiling. And everyone's fine. Because those who aren't smiling, those who aren't fine, are dangerous, unstable, not to be trusted with jobs, etc.
Yet still I also ask people how they are. And I'm sure they lie and say they're fine when they're not. To not do so would be so rude. It would be seen as me saying, I'm not even going to pretend that I give a damm how you are. In truth I want to really give a damm. But you know, no one's going to say they're not fine, except for maybe an annoying cold, etc.
Friday, September 10, 2010
What to write about
What to write about?
1. What makes people breakdown.
2. Demonization/suspicion/the inability to accurately assess what are and aren't actual threats.
3. Ugly thoughts that plague a person. Memory.
4. Revenge, the impossibility of it...
5. A world where everyone merely survives, how it crushes an elf.
6. Isolation.
7. A world that doesn't deserve to be saved.
8. All men not being themselves, forever afraid to appear "gay". Making sure to only do mere survival related things. To be less expressive, etc. To be stoic.
9. Afraid to try because of fear of failure.
10. Ways the selfish justify their behavior. The destruction of moral logic. Turn it into white and black. Morality becomes self interest. Morality becomes following post-industrial social norms. Etc.
11. The magical unknown. Animals, etc that don't speak. Fish rarely seen in the water. The dark. The forest full of leaves in the summer. Filling the unknown with infinity/god unconsiously.
12. The illogic of everything. Religionism and atheism. There is nothing actually that is logical. Choose your illogic.
13. The (neanderthal?) looking/searching the world for his kind. Realizing there appear to be none at all. And thus this world truly can't change. This world is actually, exactly how it should be for the people whom live in it. There's not really even a minority that wants it to change. It is hopeless.
14. That which can see more than it's own viewpoint. The androgynous person. The cat that acts like a dog. The athletic intellectual. Etc.
15. The feeling that you were destined for something which has been forever lost. (I was supposed to have been born and lived in the UK for example....)
16. Being worked to death.
17. Mistakenly assuming goodness on the part of others because one can't stand the reality. And/or Lovecraft's correlation (which is much larger, comes back to the necessity of illogic.)
18. Useful info? Useful odds and ends??? Blueberry smoothies help cure insomnia..???
19. Lord of the Flies. The essential nature of mankind...? Killing machines. Only altruistic to the extent small groups can then better kill others...
20. Mass culture being dumbed down. The more connected, the more of a monopoly, the more stupid the art.
21. Idiocracy. Evolving into stupidity. And/or the evolutionary edge. Too much intelligence makes one less likely to successfully reproduce. (Neanderthals were large/muscular, had red hair, larger brain capacities and did cross breed a little before going extinct... Wife says I am one.) Slavery probably should not be mentioned here. But serfdom/brutal capitalism...?
22. Misremembering the past. Panglossing it. Or at least thankfully forgetting it so that you can stand to repeat the same negatives over and over.
23. Panglossing reality. Learning to love capitalism. Or slavery. Or monarchism, etc.
24. The mindlessness/laziness of absolute morality as opposed to utilitarianism.
25. Being too busy barely surviving one's self to show consideration for others.
26. The closeminded. Removing whoever disagrees with you from your life. Post-industrial living. Instead of resolving differences just keep discarding to you find someone who is exactly the same as you. Until a couple years later when you've both changed and are no longer identical. At which point you then discard them and find some new person you're now identical to.
27. Weird ideas about bugs. Their surrealism.
28. Not having a clue about one's own sub/unconscious. Not even understanding what you yourself actually think. The atheist not realizing he's full of mystical thinking which is essential to him/her.
29. The power struggle of relationships. If one person perceives they are superior and the other feels inferior, the one is at ease and the other isn't. If they manage to feel relatively equal, then maybe no problem. If they don't feel equal, the relationship can't work. Either way. If even one feels inferior or superior, the relationship will be an ugly thing.
30. Controlling people through fear and the negative result.
31. The process of laughing
32. The process of falling asleep
33. The connection between falling asleep and laughing
34. psuedo democracy when billionaires own all the radio and TV combined with social isolation.
35. Planned obscelence(sp)
36. Making being off the grid illegal
37. Hard manual labor to stay sane
38. Simplicity is escapist. Simple characters are usually the heart of fantasy fiction.
39. Boredom is the result of a classification system. Dumb people don't get bored. But perhaps people with crude classification systems get bored more easily? Through classifying we don't live in the moment as much.
40. The genesis of mythical creatures
41. The disregarding of the unknown. Not treating it with reverence. Not caring about it. Like the men in the castle who burn the contents of each next room without having any idea what they might by destroying. No interest in learning.
42. Dislike of the assimilated weak. You make dystopia possible. TV show What Would You Do is all about indifference thanks primarily to fear.
43. How sick being close with only a single person is.
44. Prole evolution. Mere survival evolution
45. The heart of racism: being bad at accurately assessing threats. One errs towards suspicion.
46. Giving up on the grand party. Realizing there's nothing out there at all. Ending The Search. All is within or nowhere.
47. The degree of relevance of your dreams correlates to your happiness/mental 'health'.
48. The unknown is magic. Cats not speaking even.
49. In the real world, first time meetings are always very very boring. Must almost always not be realistic in fiction concerning this.
50. Piercing the obscurity of the minute processes of human life
51. escapism versus realism and the lie which brings us closer to the truth...
52. common enemy brings people together
53. Always slightly random but never pointless. (Art)
54. Subconsciously feeling like god is against you. (even as an proclaimed atheist)
55. ...with dying all stress can go away. No longer have to worry so much about the stuff of this world. Don't have to worry about how I'm spending my life. Because it's about done, too late now anyway.
But now, it's no longer too late. And this was a poorly spent day.
56. The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." Lovecraft
57. Can't be bothered to find the paper I wrote on... But when this life is no longer the grand stage, when this life is not The Place and instead just some time killed at the airport, when this life isn't The Life. When there really isn't any Grand Party that is being missed, when nothing Really Matters.... then death isn't so particularly bad. And then one is more able to enjoy time spent enjoying simple things. And one doesn't have such a Hypertrophied Soul...
58. The necessity of myopia for sanity/happiness.
59. Appearing intelligent (elegance) and purposely being incomprehensible in the university setting.
60. ...There is no point in trying to revenge oneself. "Everything will be forgotten. There will never be any redress for anything."
61. Whenever Ludvík finds himself in a group of people, he always wonders how many of them would be willing to send their fellow mortals to death, only because the collective has demanded this....
62. ...Kitsch is a beautiful lie, which hides all the negative aspects of life and deliberately ignores the existence of death....
63. The immorality of happiness in dystopia
64. The necessity of the word 'love' being so vague.
65. Memory, not endlessly repeating the same negative actions thanks to it. But being stuck endlessly remembering past negative actions thanks to it....
66. One reason to be closeminded: "You're nothing but a superficial shell. A husk of foozy(?) consciousness ready to be torn off at a moment's notice."
67. "hypertrophied souls" The need to do something special. Unable to lie back in the grass and happily watch the clouds go by.
68. Modern isolated society
69. "socialists" whom ensure capitalism by all their social norms. Going on about this or that issue yet isolationist, rugged individuals at heart, etc.
70. The key to happiness is significant, meaningful, lasting relationships.
71. Capitalsm Laws:
a. The majority always working just about as much as they can stand.
b. Middle Management(the overseers) can't be very smart. (Usually).
c. Short of technological innovation taking people "off the grid" it's highly unlikely to really bring people any more happiness. (Excepting some medical innovations.)
d. It's a system where the losers starve. It's fear based.
73. To speak the truth when it will do no good? (utilitarism vs. the deontological brave (lazy and self centered) martyr)
74. Demonization
75. Fake smiles-not a threat,considerate enough to keep it light and fluffy,
76. Humans as marionette's, every action just an act, social norms actor, everything is a lie. Your entire existence.
77. Light and fluffy/fake smile evolution taken to the concentration camp.
78. Creating malevolent god for whom you survive just to spite. (My god, such dark thoughts...)
79. To be an angel amoungst demons. Analogy to demonstrate the absurdity.
80. Analogies in general to show the absurdity of capitalism, meat-eating, etc.
81. No amount of philosophy can replace human interactions....?
82. How awful it is to remember how awful the past was. Please misremember and pangloss it and have some nostalgia for a life that never was....
83. slow suicide through junk food, etc.
84. Subconsciously hoping for death.
85. chop chop, tick tock (pain, boredom) (fear, nihilism)
86. The strange sickness of music performed for a massive audience. All those people just standing around or "dancing" as they sometimes call it.
87. Does that which doesn't kill us make us stronger?
88. Cutting off the meaningless, the lies, such that there's nothing left but to sit at home alone.
89. Panglossianism
90. all novels are decadent. Short stories padded.
91. The real escape of escapist fiction is to simplistic 2D people.
92. exaggerated dystopia where people never speak to one another face to face
93. The necessity of mysticism to bother creating art.
94. Not actually allowed to help in this dystopia. Monogamy / extreme homophobia/fear of anything that might be remotely perceived as "gay" / rugged individualist, etc.
95. The need for "prvacy" (secrecy) in dystopia. Don't ask how much money someone makes for example. In utopia we'd know one another's situation in order to know when and how to help each other. In dystopia "privacy" is extreme importance.
96. So much harder for the intelligent, educated man to survive slavery, serfdom, unregulated capitalism, etc. (Fredrik Douglas) "I have found that, to make a contented slave, it is necessary to make a thoughtless one. It is necessary to darken his moral and mental vision, and, as far as possible, to annihilate the power of reason."
97. Technology as a tool of isolation.
98. Spread nasty rumors/ugly gossip why? Because having a mutual enemy will make us closer friends. And when you're not here and the person we're currently bad mouthing is, we'll do the same to you so our own relationship will be strengthened.
99. The evolutionary edge: Smart but not too smart. Too much and you see what this world is... what your life is...
100. The social norms mean lying. The standard greeting for example means pretending people are part of a community that doesn't actually exist, etc. Pretending to care about people whom if they didn't show up at work tomorrow we'd simply never see them again and hardly even reflect on it. They ask how you are, pretending they actually care and you have to lie and say you're fine no matter what, because of course if you're not actually fine, so what? What are they going to do about it? Nothing. So they lie and you have to lie back. And the pretending helps keep a situation that would otherwise be intolerable, tolerable.
These constant strangers asking how I am, I want to respond: I'm not a part of a community with you. You're a total stranger to me who couldn't possibly care less how I'm doing. Quit pretending we're a part of community. There is no community. There is no connection at all.
101. Self persecution/self doubt (same thing actually) Kakfa's The Trial.
102. Everyone is smiling in the dystopia. The frowners are malcontents. Radicals. Revolutionaries. Not good yesmen. Not to be trusted with jobs.
103. Functional forgiving versus dsyfunctional forgiving is understanding versus forgetting.
104. Imaginary eyes
105. Wind the fear spring and watch them go.
106. The imagination to imagine what could be juxtaposed with what is....
107. The positivity cult:
You could join a social movement working to create an adequate safety net or to bring about more humane corporate policies, but those efforts might take a lifetime. For now, you can only change your perception of reality, from negative and bitter to positive and accepting. This was the corporate world's great gift to it's laid-ff employees and the overworked survivors--positive thinking.
108. Almost random creativity. Almost random oracles. Almost random.
109. The bad humor of saints. Treating people badly is unexpected.
110. Politics: Left-thinking the best of most people. Right-thinking the worst.
111. Happy people, those not consumed by fear/suspicion, those not busy trying to just survive themselves, are the ones finally in a position to be something other than indifferent towards others. Although OTOH people with lifelong cushy lives maybe don't have as much empathy for other's hardships.
112. Public Service Nightmares.
113. Short term: positivity cult, just believe this is the best of all possible worlds. Long term: see it for what it is, delve into that which is wrong.
114. The highly "moral" are zombiefied.
115. "Stalking" is (sometimes) related to the anti-post-industrial mindset. The return to people living in real communities where you don't just abruptly drop connections without adequate explanation.
116. Hide disagreements because you assume everyone's as closeminded as yourself. Hide disagreements because you assume ugly things (potential violence, etc) from those who disagree. Hide disagreements because you're not idealistic, you don't believe people can work together.
117. Believing in evil is necessary to get angry, which was evolutionarily beneficial because it helped one in committing violence. But is there anyone really evil? Or is it all really stupidity? How does the genius avoid being consumed by hate? While at the same time avoiding being considered an arrogant elitist?
118. OJ for back pain. Blueberry smoothies for sleep.
119. The idealist. The one who refuses to embrace the reality of this world, is partially not even here.
120. Post industrial living is more stressful? So many people with power over you to miscommunicate with while the majority are always getting pushed about as hard as they can stand as opposed to growing crops where you do what you can and either nature cooperates or doesn't. Then add in fewer meaningful long lasting relationships. Instead home alone watching TV. Less time outside and so on.
121. The man who questions everything appears unsure and nervous. The confident man mindlessly mimics others. Mindlessly follows tradition. The freethinker, to the extent he's really questioning, is in for hell. The traditionalist is completely unethical. To mindlessly follow tradition in this here world means to be without morals.
122. it is only possible to be an angel in a dystopia if you are a monster.
123. The prizing of the cubicle job and lack of esteem for those who do actually useful work.
124. The flaming hoop system. Learning and doing tons and tons of useless things basically just in order to have the proper credentials whereby you'll someday be allowed to hold a real job. Where you'll be worked about as much as you can stand. This system because under capitalism everyone will always be working as much as they can stand. And as technology increasingly does our work, we pointlessly stay in school for longer and longer.
125. The power hungry surrounding themselves with yesmen. Not even consciously. And those around the power hungry automatically becoming yesmen, even if maybe that's not really what the power hungry wanted. Which in turn makes the power hungry even more bereft of any self doubt, even more... wrong.
126. Utopia for the unethical. Dystopia for the highly ethical.
127. The mass production of art results in a sickness where the artist's motivation is to be famous. Simultaneously the vast majority of artists don't get adequate recognition. Decreases equality.
128. The will never again be a communist revolution because compared to the past we're now:
A. living in isolation. All sense of community is gone thanks to cars, TV and the internet.
B. at a nuch higher level of technology meaning better communication, better weapons, better systems for keeping tabs onteh citizens. Thus the power divide is far greater.
C. The military is extreme rightwing anymore. A revolution will almost certainly bring in a rightdictator and/or theocracy now.
D. The mass media now controls the thoughts of the people so, so, so much better. Communism has been successfully demonized where once it wasn't.
129. Show the usual panglossian adaptations people make applied to a far worse dystopia.
130. Unethical because you value the materialistic too much. The unzombie. Unethical because you just don't have much of an over-I.
131. Morality is:
some degree of altruism.
Altruism is:
self interst with some degree of long term forethought.
132. Someone said the internet isn't real. Well, in face to face interactions no one is real either. The internet was hopefully a way to uncover the parts hidden in the endless banal and pointless face to face interactions where people are doing nothing more than having ritualistic conversations the goals of which are highly crude. Not much more than sniffing each other's ass. The smile to say I'm not a threat, etc.
In face to face interactions you get 10% of the truth. On the internet the hope is that some part of the other 90% will peek through.
That's been my hope anyway.
And it certainly has peeked through at times.
And what has mostly peeked through is incredibly ugly.
But still what we have in online interactions amounts to about 3% of the truth as opposed to 10% generally speaking in face to face
133. As opposed to the butterfly effect, if you went back and changed the past, it wouldn't make a difference, eventually things would end up the same.
134. To make a good story, do the opposite of this blog. Withhold in order to keep people reading. Tease. Withhold justice. Withhold to keep mystery.
135. Hate is a reaction to the perception of indifference. Excepting misperceptions, indifference is the beginning.
136. The less relevant your dreams to your life, the more messed up you are.
137. exaggeratedly masochistic experiments
138. masochistic honesty
139. Some great and fabulous prize looms off in the distance in his mind and he seeks the truth and tries to draw others on along on the journey with him. Honest! Honest! Screaming it with your dying breath, again and again.
Wait. What are you doing? This is strange behavior on your part. This is a bit unreal. And causing negative results...
Still onwards! Reality twists and you journey on and on and on. Here and there coming to close to the edge.
Rarely: an oasis of healing. A moment of clarity. And rest.
Then, again, the ideal looms above. Shining, beautiful, awful, glorious. Onwards and onwards he strives towards it.
140. force vs reason
shame and anger and cuss words, etc are all on the side of force...?...
141. In the Force World being wrong means getting punished, thus people become closeminded. (Or not.)
142. The necessity of forgetting.
143. Imaginary eyes. The four kinds.
144. Specialization. Cold, stoic, unemotional men are good warriors. Women need to better communicate, need to be more alive. The more specialized the people, the more barbaric.
145. Kundera: Life is horrible. Even much worse than you think. So give up and enjoy this sunset. Possibly a good looking lady, provided you stay within social norms.
146. Bad Words: Inappropriate. (Just means not mindlessly following tradition.)
Privacy. No different than secrecy, except it's ok while secrecy not so much.
flip flopper/waffler (celebration of closemindedness)
preachy (saying things I disagree with)
emotional blackmail (pointing out I'm acting unethical when I want you to shut up about enjoy your shit sandwich)
stalker (most 'stalkers' have been wronged and aren't so good at throwing away their morals such as this post industrial society says they must.)
manipulative (similar to emotional blackmail at times)
nutters/nut/crazy, etc (anyone who you don't understand, anyone who isn't mindlessly following tradition, anyone who isn't just like you, anyone unhappy in dystopia)(also insensitive to those who are genuinely mentally ill)
147. Short term vs long term thinking
148.
Incredibly useful to go back and remember by various bits of unhappiness. Perhaps useful for doing the future different.
Blueberries and something green everyday for good sleep.
July 21st, 2009
1. What makes people breakdown.
2. Demonization/suspicion/the inability to accurately assess what are and aren't actual threats.
3. Ugly thoughts that plague a person. Memory.
4. Revenge, the impossibility of it...
5. A world where everyone merely survives, how it crushes an elf.
6. Isolation.
7. A world that doesn't deserve to be saved.
8. All men not being themselves, forever afraid to appear "gay". Making sure to only do mere survival related things. To be less expressive, etc. To be stoic.
9. Afraid to try because of fear of failure.
10. Ways the selfish justify their behavior. The destruction of moral logic. Turn it into white and black. Morality becomes self interest. Morality becomes following post-industrial social norms. Etc.
11. The magical unknown. Animals, etc that don't speak. Fish rarely seen in the water. The dark. The forest full of leaves in the summer. Filling the unknown with infinity/god unconsiously.
12. The illogic of everything. Religionism and atheism. There is nothing actually that is logical. Choose your illogic.
13. The (neanderthal?) looking/searching the world for his kind. Realizing there appear to be none at all. And thus this world truly can't change. This world is actually, exactly how it should be for the people whom live in it. There's not really even a minority that wants it to change. It is hopeless.
14. That which can see more than it's own viewpoint. The androgynous person. The cat that acts like a dog. The athletic intellectual. Etc.
15. The feeling that you were destined for something which has been forever lost. (I was supposed to have been born and lived in the UK for example....)
16. Being worked to death.
17. Mistakenly assuming goodness on the part of others because one can't stand the reality. And/or Lovecraft's correlation (which is much larger, comes back to the necessity of illogic.)
18. Useful info? Useful odds and ends??? Blueberry smoothies help cure insomnia..???
19. Lord of the Flies. The essential nature of mankind...? Killing machines. Only altruistic to the extent small groups can then better kill others...
20. Mass culture being dumbed down. The more connected, the more of a monopoly, the more stupid the art.
21. Idiocracy. Evolving into stupidity. And/or the evolutionary edge. Too much intelligence makes one less likely to successfully reproduce. (Neanderthals were large/muscular, had red hair, larger brain capacities and did cross breed a little before going extinct... Wife says I am one.) Slavery probably should not be mentioned here. But serfdom/brutal capitalism...?
22. Misremembering the past. Panglossing it. Or at least thankfully forgetting it so that you can stand to repeat the same negatives over and over.
23. Panglossing reality. Learning to love capitalism. Or slavery. Or monarchism, etc.
24. The mindlessness/laziness of absolute morality as opposed to utilitarianism.
25. Being too busy barely surviving one's self to show consideration for others.
26. The closeminded. Removing whoever disagrees with you from your life. Post-industrial living. Instead of resolving differences just keep discarding to you find someone who is exactly the same as you. Until a couple years later when you've both changed and are no longer identical. At which point you then discard them and find some new person you're now identical to.
27. Weird ideas about bugs. Their surrealism.
28. Not having a clue about one's own sub/unconscious. Not even understanding what you yourself actually think. The atheist not realizing he's full of mystical thinking which is essential to him/her.
29. The power struggle of relationships. If one person perceives they are superior and the other feels inferior, the one is at ease and the other isn't. If they manage to feel relatively equal, then maybe no problem. If they don't feel equal, the relationship can't work. Either way. If even one feels inferior or superior, the relationship will be an ugly thing.
30. Controlling people through fear and the negative result.
31. The process of laughing
32. The process of falling asleep
33. The connection between falling asleep and laughing
34. psuedo democracy when billionaires own all the radio and TV combined with social isolation.
35. Planned obscelence(sp)
36. Making being off the grid illegal
37. Hard manual labor to stay sane
38. Simplicity is escapist. Simple characters are usually the heart of fantasy fiction.
39. Boredom is the result of a classification system. Dumb people don't get bored. But perhaps people with crude classification systems get bored more easily? Through classifying we don't live in the moment as much.
40. The genesis of mythical creatures
41. The disregarding of the unknown. Not treating it with reverence. Not caring about it. Like the men in the castle who burn the contents of each next room without having any idea what they might by destroying. No interest in learning.
42. Dislike of the assimilated weak. You make dystopia possible. TV show What Would You Do is all about indifference thanks primarily to fear.
43. How sick being close with only a single person is.
44. Prole evolution. Mere survival evolution
45. The heart of racism: being bad at accurately assessing threats. One errs towards suspicion.
46. Giving up on the grand party. Realizing there's nothing out there at all. Ending The Search. All is within or nowhere.
47. The degree of relevance of your dreams correlates to your happiness/mental 'health'.
48. The unknown is magic. Cats not speaking even.
49. In the real world, first time meetings are always very very boring. Must almost always not be realistic in fiction concerning this.
50. Piercing the obscurity of the minute processes of human life
51. escapism versus realism and the lie which brings us closer to the truth...
52. common enemy brings people together
53. Always slightly random but never pointless. (Art)
54. Subconsciously feeling like god is against you. (even as an proclaimed atheist)
55. ...with dying all stress can go away. No longer have to worry so much about the stuff of this world. Don't have to worry about how I'm spending my life. Because it's about done, too late now anyway.
But now, it's no longer too late. And this was a poorly spent day.
56. The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." Lovecraft
57. Can't be bothered to find the paper I wrote on... But when this life is no longer the grand stage, when this life is not The Place and instead just some time killed at the airport, when this life isn't The Life. When there really isn't any Grand Party that is being missed, when nothing Really Matters.... then death isn't so particularly bad. And then one is more able to enjoy time spent enjoying simple things. And one doesn't have such a Hypertrophied Soul...
58. The necessity of myopia for sanity/happiness.
59. Appearing intelligent (elegance) and purposely being incomprehensible in the university setting.
60. ...There is no point in trying to revenge oneself. "Everything will be forgotten. There will never be any redress for anything."
61. Whenever Ludvík finds himself in a group of people, he always wonders how many of them would be willing to send their fellow mortals to death, only because the collective has demanded this....
62. ...Kitsch is a beautiful lie, which hides all the negative aspects of life and deliberately ignores the existence of death....
63. The immorality of happiness in dystopia
64. The necessity of the word 'love' being so vague.
65. Memory, not endlessly repeating the same negative actions thanks to it. But being stuck endlessly remembering past negative actions thanks to it....
66. One reason to be closeminded: "You're nothing but a superficial shell. A husk of foozy(?) consciousness ready to be torn off at a moment's notice."
67. "hypertrophied souls" The need to do something special. Unable to lie back in the grass and happily watch the clouds go by.
68. Modern isolated society
69. "socialists" whom ensure capitalism by all their social norms. Going on about this or that issue yet isolationist, rugged individuals at heart, etc.
70. The key to happiness is significant, meaningful, lasting relationships.
71. Capitalsm Laws:
a. The majority always working just about as much as they can stand.
b. Middle Management(the overseers) can't be very smart. (Usually).
c. Short of technological innovation taking people "off the grid" it's highly unlikely to really bring people any more happiness. (Excepting some medical innovations.)
d. It's a system where the losers starve. It's fear based.
73. To speak the truth when it will do no good? (utilitarism vs. the deontological brave (lazy and self centered) martyr)
74. Demonization
75. Fake smiles-not a threat,considerate enough to keep it light and fluffy,
76. Humans as marionette's, every action just an act, social norms actor, everything is a lie. Your entire existence.
77. Light and fluffy/fake smile evolution taken to the concentration camp.
78. Creating malevolent god for whom you survive just to spite. (My god, such dark thoughts...)
79. To be an angel amoungst demons. Analogy to demonstrate the absurdity.
80. Analogies in general to show the absurdity of capitalism, meat-eating, etc.
81. No amount of philosophy can replace human interactions....?
82. How awful it is to remember how awful the past was. Please misremember and pangloss it and have some nostalgia for a life that never was....
83. slow suicide through junk food, etc.
84. Subconsciously hoping for death.
85. chop chop, tick tock (pain, boredom) (fear, nihilism)
86. The strange sickness of music performed for a massive audience. All those people just standing around or "dancing" as they sometimes call it.
87. Does that which doesn't kill us make us stronger?
88. Cutting off the meaningless, the lies, such that there's nothing left but to sit at home alone.
89. Panglossianism
90. all novels are decadent. Short stories padded.
91. The real escape of escapist fiction is to simplistic 2D people.
92. exaggerated dystopia where people never speak to one another face to face
93. The necessity of mysticism to bother creating art.
94. Not actually allowed to help in this dystopia. Monogamy / extreme homophobia/fear of anything that might be remotely perceived as "gay" / rugged individualist, etc.
95. The need for "prvacy" (secrecy) in dystopia. Don't ask how much money someone makes for example. In utopia we'd know one another's situation in order to know when and how to help each other. In dystopia "privacy" is extreme importance.
96. So much harder for the intelligent, educated man to survive slavery, serfdom, unregulated capitalism, etc. (Fredrik Douglas) "I have found that, to make a contented slave, it is necessary to make a thoughtless one. It is necessary to darken his moral and mental vision, and, as far as possible, to annihilate the power of reason."
97. Technology as a tool of isolation.
98. Spread nasty rumors/ugly gossip why? Because having a mutual enemy will make us closer friends. And when you're not here and the person we're currently bad mouthing is, we'll do the same to you so our own relationship will be strengthened.
99. The evolutionary edge: Smart but not too smart. Too much and you see what this world is... what your life is...
100. The social norms mean lying. The standard greeting for example means pretending people are part of a community that doesn't actually exist, etc. Pretending to care about people whom if they didn't show up at work tomorrow we'd simply never see them again and hardly even reflect on it. They ask how you are, pretending they actually care and you have to lie and say you're fine no matter what, because of course if you're not actually fine, so what? What are they going to do about it? Nothing. So they lie and you have to lie back. And the pretending helps keep a situation that would otherwise be intolerable, tolerable.
These constant strangers asking how I am, I want to respond: I'm not a part of a community with you. You're a total stranger to me who couldn't possibly care less how I'm doing. Quit pretending we're a part of community. There is no community. There is no connection at all.
101. Self persecution/self doubt (same thing actually) Kakfa's The Trial.
102. Everyone is smiling in the dystopia. The frowners are malcontents. Radicals. Revolutionaries. Not good yesmen. Not to be trusted with jobs.
103. Functional forgiving versus dsyfunctional forgiving is understanding versus forgetting.
104. Imaginary eyes
105. Wind the fear spring and watch them go.
106. The imagination to imagine what could be juxtaposed with what is....
107. The positivity cult:
You could join a social movement working to create an adequate safety net or to bring about more humane corporate policies, but those efforts might take a lifetime. For now, you can only change your perception of reality, from negative and bitter to positive and accepting. This was the corporate world's great gift to it's laid-ff employees and the overworked survivors--positive thinking.
108. Almost random creativity. Almost random oracles. Almost random.
109. The bad humor of saints. Treating people badly is unexpected.
110. Politics: Left-thinking the best of most people. Right-thinking the worst.
111. Happy people, those not consumed by fear/suspicion, those not busy trying to just survive themselves, are the ones finally in a position to be something other than indifferent towards others. Although OTOH people with lifelong cushy lives maybe don't have as much empathy for other's hardships.
112. Public Service Nightmares.
113. Short term: positivity cult, just believe this is the best of all possible worlds. Long term: see it for what it is, delve into that which is wrong.
114. The highly "moral" are zombiefied.
115. "Stalking" is (sometimes) related to the anti-post-industrial mindset. The return to people living in real communities where you don't just abruptly drop connections without adequate explanation.
116. Hide disagreements because you assume everyone's as closeminded as yourself. Hide disagreements because you assume ugly things (potential violence, etc) from those who disagree. Hide disagreements because you're not idealistic, you don't believe people can work together.
117. Believing in evil is necessary to get angry, which was evolutionarily beneficial because it helped one in committing violence. But is there anyone really evil? Or is it all really stupidity? How does the genius avoid being consumed by hate? While at the same time avoiding being considered an arrogant elitist?
118. OJ for back pain. Blueberry smoothies for sleep.
119. The idealist. The one who refuses to embrace the reality of this world, is partially not even here.
120. Post industrial living is more stressful? So many people with power over you to miscommunicate with while the majority are always getting pushed about as hard as they can stand as opposed to growing crops where you do what you can and either nature cooperates or doesn't. Then add in fewer meaningful long lasting relationships. Instead home alone watching TV. Less time outside and so on.
121. The man who questions everything appears unsure and nervous. The confident man mindlessly mimics others. Mindlessly follows tradition. The freethinker, to the extent he's really questioning, is in for hell. The traditionalist is completely unethical. To mindlessly follow tradition in this here world means to be without morals.
122. it is only possible to be an angel in a dystopia if you are a monster.
123. The prizing of the cubicle job and lack of esteem for those who do actually useful work.
124. The flaming hoop system. Learning and doing tons and tons of useless things basically just in order to have the proper credentials whereby you'll someday be allowed to hold a real job. Where you'll be worked about as much as you can stand. This system because under capitalism everyone will always be working as much as they can stand. And as technology increasingly does our work, we pointlessly stay in school for longer and longer.
125. The power hungry surrounding themselves with yesmen. Not even consciously. And those around the power hungry automatically becoming yesmen, even if maybe that's not really what the power hungry wanted. Which in turn makes the power hungry even more bereft of any self doubt, even more... wrong.
126. Utopia for the unethical. Dystopia for the highly ethical.
127. The mass production of art results in a sickness where the artist's motivation is to be famous. Simultaneously the vast majority of artists don't get adequate recognition. Decreases equality.
128. The will never again be a communist revolution because compared to the past we're now:
A. living in isolation. All sense of community is gone thanks to cars, TV and the internet.
B. at a nuch higher level of technology meaning better communication, better weapons, better systems for keeping tabs onteh citizens. Thus the power divide is far greater.
C. The military is extreme rightwing anymore. A revolution will almost certainly bring in a rightdictator and/or theocracy now.
D. The mass media now controls the thoughts of the people so, so, so much better. Communism has been successfully demonized where once it wasn't.
129. Show the usual panglossian adaptations people make applied to a far worse dystopia.
130. Unethical because you value the materialistic too much. The unzombie. Unethical because you just don't have much of an over-I.
131. Morality is:
some degree of altruism.
Altruism is:
self interst with some degree of long term forethought.
132. Someone said the internet isn't real. Well, in face to face interactions no one is real either. The internet was hopefully a way to uncover the parts hidden in the endless banal and pointless face to face interactions where people are doing nothing more than having ritualistic conversations the goals of which are highly crude. Not much more than sniffing each other's ass. The smile to say I'm not a threat, etc.
In face to face interactions you get 10% of the truth. On the internet the hope is that some part of the other 90% will peek through.
That's been my hope anyway.
And it certainly has peeked through at times.
And what has mostly peeked through is incredibly ugly.
But still what we have in online interactions amounts to about 3% of the truth as opposed to 10% generally speaking in face to face
133. As opposed to the butterfly effect, if you went back and changed the past, it wouldn't make a difference, eventually things would end up the same.
134. To make a good story, do the opposite of this blog. Withhold in order to keep people reading. Tease. Withhold justice. Withhold to keep mystery.
135. Hate is a reaction to the perception of indifference. Excepting misperceptions, indifference is the beginning.
136. The less relevant your dreams to your life, the more messed up you are.
137. exaggeratedly masochistic experiments
138. masochistic honesty
139. Some great and fabulous prize looms off in the distance in his mind and he seeks the truth and tries to draw others on along on the journey with him. Honest! Honest! Screaming it with your dying breath, again and again.
Wait. What are you doing? This is strange behavior on your part. This is a bit unreal. And causing negative results...
Still onwards! Reality twists and you journey on and on and on. Here and there coming to close to the edge.
Rarely: an oasis of healing. A moment of clarity. And rest.
Then, again, the ideal looms above. Shining, beautiful, awful, glorious. Onwards and onwards he strives towards it.
140. force vs reason
shame and anger and cuss words, etc are all on the side of force...?...
141. In the Force World being wrong means getting punished, thus people become closeminded. (Or not.)
142. The necessity of forgetting.
143. Imaginary eyes. The four kinds.
144. Specialization. Cold, stoic, unemotional men are good warriors. Women need to better communicate, need to be more alive. The more specialized the people, the more barbaric.
145. Kundera: Life is horrible. Even much worse than you think. So give up and enjoy this sunset. Possibly a good looking lady, provided you stay within social norms.
146. Bad Words: Inappropriate. (Just means not mindlessly following tradition.)
Privacy. No different than secrecy, except it's ok while secrecy not so much.
flip flopper/waffler (celebration of closemindedness)
preachy (saying things I disagree with)
emotional blackmail (pointing out I'm acting unethical when I want you to shut up about enjoy your shit sandwich)
stalker (most 'stalkers' have been wronged and aren't so good at throwing away their morals such as this post industrial society says they must.)
manipulative (similar to emotional blackmail at times)
nutters/nut/crazy, etc (anyone who you don't understand, anyone who isn't mindlessly following tradition, anyone who isn't just like you, anyone unhappy in dystopia)(also insensitive to those who are genuinely mentally ill)
147. Short term vs long term thinking
148.
Incredibly useful to go back and remember by various bits of unhappiness. Perhaps useful for doing the future different.
Blueberries and something green everyday for good sleep.
July 21st, 2009
Thursday, September 9, 2010
In the same way that clothes, indecency laws, monogamy, etc make people end up spending way too much time thinking about sex, I think I spend too much time thinking about online interactions. Both are mostly only interesting because of the mystery. Because of that which is hidden.
With the online, I need to do a better job of seeing how fake, unreal, meaningless all the interactions have been. So that I can completely dismiss all of them from my mind. Such dismissal is all that they deserve. There has been absolutely nothing of use learned except the ways of online interactions. Nothing though that is relevant to real life.
Spent so much time interacting online primarily because I was conducting The Search. The Search failed.
Now I'm 'happy', although the happiness can disappear if I think about why. Anyway though it's a nice dreamy sort of life.
-
Planning on a big garden next year after reading Edible Estates. Book asserting that replacing grass with a garden is a radical act. I agree. A garden outside your house is:
1. A way to be outside some. In our society being outside (and not in the back yard) one almost feels like they're doing something wrong.) And I think back to 'It's 1972 and there's nothing you can do." about all those days in my neighborhood with such isolation and nothing to do and house after house, you never see anyone except to see them going from their house to car or occasionally with their big loud lawn mower running. A garden is a way to be outside thus making the possibility of actually speaking to your neighbors (provided they also had a garden...) and thus the possibility of an actual community developing. Also exchange food. Too many of one crop for your own family, etc....
2. I know someone at work who has gone years only eating the food she's produced in her garden (also raises a cow each year though...). How nice to be so self sufficient. She cans food and has a huge stock of food. That's a huge part of what it would take to turn a house into a home; having a big store of food.
And to not be so dependent on this sick society would be really nice.
3. Cheaper.
4. Just something beautiful about walking outside into your yard in order to get dinner. In multiple ways.
5. It tastes better. Green beans come to mind in particular. Also healthier for you (organic).
6. Not giving money to any massive corporations. Not buying food grown half a world away (which is kind of unethical.)
7. Less lawn mowing which along with being ridiculous and bizarre drudgery, is actually unethical. Polluting, wasting fossil fuels, etc.
Could go on but don't need to repeat the book here.
-
Been sleeping like a teenager since drinking a blueberry smoothie each day (definitely planting blueberry bushes) and running/high rep weightlifting every day. Key is doing each at a 'comfortable' intensity most days thus very very little to no willpower needed.
With the online, I need to do a better job of seeing how fake, unreal, meaningless all the interactions have been. So that I can completely dismiss all of them from my mind. Such dismissal is all that they deserve. There has been absolutely nothing of use learned except the ways of online interactions. Nothing though that is relevant to real life.
Spent so much time interacting online primarily because I was conducting The Search. The Search failed.
Now I'm 'happy', although the happiness can disappear if I think about why. Anyway though it's a nice dreamy sort of life.
-
Planning on a big garden next year after reading Edible Estates. Book asserting that replacing grass with a garden is a radical act. I agree. A garden outside your house is:
1. A way to be outside some. In our society being outside (and not in the back yard) one almost feels like they're doing something wrong.) And I think back to 'It's 1972 and there's nothing you can do." about all those days in my neighborhood with such isolation and nothing to do and house after house, you never see anyone except to see them going from their house to car or occasionally with their big loud lawn mower running. A garden is a way to be outside thus making the possibility of actually speaking to your neighbors (provided they also had a garden...) and thus the possibility of an actual community developing. Also exchange food. Too many of one crop for your own family, etc....
2. I know someone at work who has gone years only eating the food she's produced in her garden (also raises a cow each year though...). How nice to be so self sufficient. She cans food and has a huge stock of food. That's a huge part of what it would take to turn a house into a home; having a big store of food.
And to not be so dependent on this sick society would be really nice.
3. Cheaper.
4. Just something beautiful about walking outside into your yard in order to get dinner. In multiple ways.
5. It tastes better. Green beans come to mind in particular. Also healthier for you (organic).
6. Not giving money to any massive corporations. Not buying food grown half a world away (which is kind of unethical.)
7. Less lawn mowing which along with being ridiculous and bizarre drudgery, is actually unethical. Polluting, wasting fossil fuels, etc.
Could go on but don't need to repeat the book here.
-
Been sleeping like a teenager since drinking a blueberry smoothie each day (definitely planting blueberry bushes) and running/high rep weightlifting every day. Key is doing each at a 'comfortable' intensity most days thus very very little to no willpower needed.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
This is a replica of the Santa Maria. The ship Columbus sailed on to Cuba and surrounding area, where he committed genocide upon beautiful peaceful people in search of gold.
There were 39 people on the Santa Maria.
This is the bathroom. One and Two. They had a brush they all shared called the bitter end that was left to drag in the water in between patrons. They also had water sitting in barrels for over two months. After a while it started to taste funny and they added wine to mask the bad taste. The wine retarded the bacterial, etc growth to an extent. But still I wonder if the runs were common and this got a lot of use.
This is Columbus' cabin. Supposedly shared with 2 or 3 aristocrats to keep an eye on him and probably a couple of serving boys? Only Columbus got a bed? Supposedly Columbus was 6'3" or so. Which would mean he would have had to stoop to walk in here.
This is the view from Columbus' bed.
The crow's nest.
Just outside the Columbus' cabin. Looking down on the main deck. 35 or so sailors all slept on the main deck. And they didn't have that thing covering it.
To Columbus' cabin.
Near the front middle is the pump used to get out the leaking bilge water. Supposedly they would almost have to constantly pump it out.
Of to the far right is where they cooked the food. Wood was used as fuel. Usually one hot meal a day. Consisting of beans, with onions and garlic primarily. Otherwise there was hardtack, which was flour, salt and water baked very slowly. Was like a rock and usually needed to be soaked in water in order to eat.
They kept animals at the front end of the boat so they'd have some meat. Which is absurd, but that's what they did.
This hourglass was how time was kept. A prayer was (yelled?) out each turn of the hourglass.
So much pain and suffering and early death back then. You'd need a god so much more.
The simplistic rudder.
They had many cannons. You had to stick a bit of hot wire through the hole on top to ignite the powder. I'd worry it would explode back out of the tiny hole. Apparently not.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Wish I remembered the terms. This used to move heavy things. Mainly to pull up barrels from below deck.
Rock plus tar/oil, etc put between boards to stop leaks. Was a constant process apparently?
Below deck (What's the proper term?) Didn't have a floor back then. Just rounded with rocks piled as ballast. Still the boat rocked so much Columbus complained it was like trying to sail in a turtle shell.
The floor was just covered with rocks and barrels full of water and food. Also had rats. Just had a rope ladder, not stairs. They'd tie rope around whatever they wanted to bring up and use that device to lift it up.
Now when feeding fish, they just start walking up to me with an expectant look, and much lip licking.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Both falling asleep and laughing have to do with the realization of something being wrong I think.
With humor we realize we recognize some wrong we've totally missed and have a moment of giving up, which is to say a moment of thinking it's impossible to keep track of everything such that nothing will catch us by surprise and thus we 'give up' for a moment and all the stress falls off of us. Euphoria ensues for a moment and we laugh.
With falling asleep, there is a moment when our thoughts go wrong. Some mistake is made in our thinking that makes our thoughts nonsensical. Or perhaps makes it appear that our thinking is simply irrelevant to reality and the stresses we face within it? Some mistake is made and... it's subconsciously perceived...? And stress falls away, and sleep is possible. Or more likely simply because our thoughts are irrelevant, there is just no stress to attach to them, which leads to sleep.
Which comes first it could be asked? The wrong thought? Or the falling asleep? It could be said the falling asleep causes the wrong thought. I suspect not though. I suspect the wrong thought is slightly ahead of the falling asleep. Very, very slightly ahead. Slight enough the wrong thought doesn't stay in our memory. Because it has quickly triggered our falling asleep, during which our memory fails.
I suspect simply being tired manages to eventually trigger a wrong thought. Which can then trigger a sort of euphoric feeling which means falling asleep.
Not always of course. The wrong thought must place life and its stresses in a state of seeming irrelevance and/or absurdity. From the position of life's stress being irrelevant, stress is now gone and you're free to go away. You can sleep.
For humor the wrongness is very much tied into life's stresses.
For sleep the wrongness must instead simply make life's stresses seem nonsensical, absurd, etc.
Why don't people regularly start laughing while trying to fall asleep?
Humor wrongs are unexpected wrongs that mean we've personally failed, our personal ability to predict the future, etc, to see 'threats' to ourselves coming. (So we give up, shrug all the stress off..., quit trying for a moment to predict all threats...)
Sleep-triggering-wrongs destroy the real world. There is still the "stress" of a world. It's just an entirely different one from the real world. This world, the real world, is gone. And that means generally a lot less stress than you'd normally feel, excepting when you laugh, during which moment there's no stress at all.
And I'm using this word "stress" differently than the norm. Except for the moment you laugh, you are ALWAYS feeling some level of stress.
Perhaps one can purposely think absurd, strange, irrelevant thoughts in order to help one sleep?
A banana came out of Glick's nose. Came. Slowly. Like a slug. Nostril stretched wife. Not crushing the banana. It spun.
Twirled.
As he stood with his head tilted back.
Back?
The world tilted. He stood straight up and down.
Banana Glick. The man of many bananas. They peeked out of his pockets.
"Have a banana?"
Like inch worms they crawl across the floor. Quite slowly. You can easily escape. But let's wait a moment.
How long can we wait?
How far does each stride take them?
Are they capable of different length strides?
Are they mean bananas?
Smile at the bananas.
Excellent banana. Above average circumference. No icky black spots.
Why's it in your nose Glicky?
"Tis an issue of purity."
Unfathomable depths. So many bananii.
Upon the table. There it sat. One fourth a banana. 15 inches thick. The peel of course, thinner relative to the rest of the banana than would be the case in a normal sized banana.
Crawl inside the banana Kathy.
In she peers with a look of wonder.
Further.
"Ah, now I can see forever!"
With humor we realize we recognize some wrong we've totally missed and have a moment of giving up, which is to say a moment of thinking it's impossible to keep track of everything such that nothing will catch us by surprise and thus we 'give up' for a moment and all the stress falls off of us. Euphoria ensues for a moment and we laugh.
With falling asleep, there is a moment when our thoughts go wrong. Some mistake is made in our thinking that makes our thoughts nonsensical. Or perhaps makes it appear that our thinking is simply irrelevant to reality and the stresses we face within it? Some mistake is made and... it's subconsciously perceived...? And stress falls away, and sleep is possible. Or more likely simply because our thoughts are irrelevant, there is just no stress to attach to them, which leads to sleep.
Which comes first it could be asked? The wrong thought? Or the falling asleep? It could be said the falling asleep causes the wrong thought. I suspect not though. I suspect the wrong thought is slightly ahead of the falling asleep. Very, very slightly ahead. Slight enough the wrong thought doesn't stay in our memory. Because it has quickly triggered our falling asleep, during which our memory fails.
I suspect simply being tired manages to eventually trigger a wrong thought. Which can then trigger a sort of euphoric feeling which means falling asleep.
Not always of course. The wrong thought must place life and its stresses in a state of seeming irrelevance and/or absurdity. From the position of life's stress being irrelevant, stress is now gone and you're free to go away. You can sleep.
For humor the wrongness is very much tied into life's stresses.
For sleep the wrongness must instead simply make life's stresses seem nonsensical, absurd, etc.
Why don't people regularly start laughing while trying to fall asleep?
Humor wrongs are unexpected wrongs that mean we've personally failed, our personal ability to predict the future, etc, to see 'threats' to ourselves coming. (So we give up, shrug all the stress off..., quit trying for a moment to predict all threats...)
Sleep-triggering-wrongs destroy the real world. There is still the "stress" of a world. It's just an entirely different one from the real world. This world, the real world, is gone. And that means generally a lot less stress than you'd normally feel, excepting when you laugh, during which moment there's no stress at all.
And I'm using this word "stress" differently than the norm. Except for the moment you laugh, you are ALWAYS feeling some level of stress.
Perhaps one can purposely think absurd, strange, irrelevant thoughts in order to help one sleep?
A banana came out of Glick's nose. Came. Slowly. Like a slug. Nostril stretched wife. Not crushing the banana. It spun.
Twirled.
As he stood with his head tilted back.
Back?
The world tilted. He stood straight up and down.
Banana Glick. The man of many bananas. They peeked out of his pockets.
"Have a banana?"
Like inch worms they crawl across the floor. Quite slowly. You can easily escape. But let's wait a moment.
How long can we wait?
How far does each stride take them?
Are they capable of different length strides?
Are they mean bananas?
Smile at the bananas.
Excellent banana. Above average circumference. No icky black spots.
Why's it in your nose Glicky?
"Tis an issue of purity."
Unfathomable depths. So many bananii.
Upon the table. There it sat. One fourth a banana. 15 inches thick. The peel of course, thinner relative to the rest of the banana than would be the case in a normal sized banana.
Crawl inside the banana Kathy.
In she peers with a look of wonder.
Further.
"Ah, now I can see forever!"
what to write about
What to write about?
1. What makes people breakdown.
2. Demonization/suspicion/the inability to accurately assess what are and aren't actual threats.
3. Ugly thoughts that plague a person. Memory.
4. Revenge, the impossibility of it...
5. A world where everyone merely survives, how it crushes an elf.
6. Isolation.
7. A world that doesn't deserve to be saved.
8. All men not being themselves, forever afraid to appear "gay". Making sure to only do mere survival related things. To be less expressive, etc. To be stoic.
9. Afraid to try because of fear of failure.
10. Ways the selfish justify their behavior. The destruction of moral logic. Turn it into white and black. Morality becomes self interest. Morality becomes following post-industrial social norms. Etc.
11. The magical unknown. Animals, etc that don't speak. Fish rarely seen in the water. The dark. The forest full of leaves in the summer. Filling the unknown with infinity/god unconsiously.
12. The illogic of everything. Religionism and atheism. There is nothing actually that is logical. Choose your illogic.
13. The (neanderthal?) looking/searching the world for his kind. Realizing there appear to be none at all. And thus this world truly can't change. This world is actually, exactly how it should be for the people whom live in it. There's not really even a minority that wants it to change. It is hopeless.
14. That which can see more than it's own viewpoint. The androgynous person. The cat that acts like a dog. The athletic intellectual. Etc.
15. The feeling that you were destined for something which has been forever lost. (I was supposed to have been born and lived in the UK for example....)
16. Being worked to death.
17. Mistakenly assuming goodness on the part of others because one can't stand the reality. And/or Lovecraft's correlation (which is much larger, comes back to the necessity of illogic.)
18. Useful info? Useful odds and ends??? Blueberry smoothies help cure insomnia..???
19. Lord of the Flies. The essential nature of mankind...? Killing machines. Only altruistic to the extent small groups can then better kill others...
20. Mass culture being dumbed down. The more connected, the more of a monopoly, the more stupid the art.
21. Idiocracy. Evolving into stupidity. And/or the evolutionary edge. Too much intelligence makes one less likely to successfully reproduce. (Neanderthals were large/muscular, had red hair, larger brain capacities and did cross breed a little before going extinct... Wife says I am one.) Slavery probably should not be mentioned here. But serfdom/brutal capitalism...?
22. Misremembering the past. Panglossing it. Or at least thankfully forgetting it so that you can stand to repeat the same negatives over and over.
23. Panglossing reality. Learning to love capitalism. Or slavery. Or monarchism, etc.
24. The mindlessness/laziness of absolute morality as opposed to utilitarianism.
25. Being too busy barely surviving one's self to show consideration for others.
26. The closeminded. Removing whoever disagrees with you from your life. Post-industrial living. Instead of resolving differences just keep discarding to you find someone who is exactly the same as you. Until a couple years later when you've both changed and are no longer identical. At which point you then discard them and find some new person you're now identical to.
27. Weird ideas about bugs. Their surrealism.
28. Not having a clue about one's own sub/unconscious. Not even understanding what you yourself actually think. The atheist not realizing he's full of mystical thinking which is essential to him/her.
29. The power struggle of relationships. If one person perceives they are superior and the other feels inferior, the one is at ease and the other isn't. If they manage to feel relatively equal, then maybe no problem. If they don't feel equal, the relationship can't work. Either way. If even one feels inferior or superior, the relationship will be an ugly thing.
30. Controlling people through fear and the negative result.
31. The process of laughing
32. The process of falling asleep
33. The connection between falling asleep and laughing
34. psuedo democracy when billionaires own all the radio and TV combined with social isolation.
35. Planned obscelence(sp)
36. Making being off the grid illegal
37. Hard manual labor to stay sane
38. Simplicity is escapist. Simple characters are usually the heart of fantasy fiction.
39. Boredom is the result of a classification system. Dumb people don't get bored. But perhaps people with crude classification systems get bored more easily? Through classifying we don't live in the moment as much.
40. The genesis of mythical creatures
41. The disregarding of the unknown. Not treating it with reverence. Not caring about it. Like the men in the castle who burn the contents of each next room without having any idea what they might by destroying. No interest in learning.
42. Dislike of the assimilated weak. You make dystopia possible. TV show What Would You Do is all about indifference thanks primarily to fear.
43. How sick being close with only a single person is.
44. Prole evolution. Mere survival evolution
45. The heart of racism: being bad at accurately assessing threats. One errs towards suspicion.
46. Giving up on the grand party. Realizing there's nothing out there at all. Ending The Search. All is within or nowhere.
47. The degree of relevance of your dreams correlates to your happiness/mental 'health'.
48. The unknown is magic. Cats not speaking even.
49. In the real world, first time meetings are always very very boring. Must almost always not be realistic in fiction concerning this.
50. Piercing the obscurity of the minute processes of human life
51. escapism versus realism and the lie which brings us closer to the truth...
52. common enemy brings people together
53. Always slightly random but never pointless. (Art)
54. Subconsciously feeling like god is against you. (even as an proclaimed atheist)
55. ...with dying all stress can go away. No longer have to worry so much about the stuff of this world. Don't have to worry about how I'm spending my life. Because it's about done, too late now anyway.
But now, it's no longer too late. And this was a poorly spent day.
56. The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." Lovecraft
57. Can't be bothered to find the paper I wrote on... But when this life is no longer the grand stage, when this life is not The Place and instead just some time killed at the airport, when this life isn't The Life. When there really isn't any Grand Party that is being missed, when nothing Really Matters.... then death isn't so particularly bad. And then one is more able to enjoy time spent enjoying simple things. And one doesn't have such a Hypertrophied Soul...
58. The necessity of myopia for sanity/happiness.
59. Appearing intelligent (elegance) and purposely being incomprehensible in the university setting.
60. ...There is no point in trying to revenge oneself. "Everything will be forgotten. There will never be any redress for anything."
61. Whenever Ludvík finds himself in a group of people, he always wonders how many of them would be willing to send their fellow mortals to death, only because the collective has demanded this....
62. ...Kitsch is a beautiful lie, which hides all the negative aspects of life and deliberately ignores the existence of death....
63. The immorality of happiness in dystopia
64. The necessity of the word 'love' being so vague.
65. Memory, not endlessly repeating the same negative actions thanks to it. But being stuck endlessly remembering past negative actions thanks to it....
66. One reason to be closeminded: "You're nothing but a superficial shell. A husk of foozy(?) consciousness ready to be torn off at a moment's notice."
67. "hypertrophied souls" The need to do something special. Unable to lie back in the grass and happily watch the clouds go by.
68. Modern isolated society
69. "socialists" whom ensure capitalism by all their social norms. Going on about this or that issue yet isolationist, rugged individuals at heart, etc.
70. The key to happiness is significant, meaningful, lasting relationships.
71. Capitalsm Laws:
a. The majority always working just about as much as they can stand.
b. Middle Management(the overseers) can't be very smart. (Usually).
c. Short of technological innovation taking people "off the grid" it's highly unlikely to really bring people any more happiness. (Excepting some medical innovations.)
d. It's a system where the losers starve. It's fear based.
73. To speak the truth when it will do no good? (utilitarism vs. the deontological brave (lazy and self centered) martyr)
74. Demonization
75. Fake smiles-not a threat,considerate enough to keep it light and fluffy,
76. Humans as marionette's, every action just an act, social norms actor, everything is a lie. Your entire existence.
77. Light and fluffy/fake smile evolution taken to the concentration camp.
78. Creating malevolent god for whom you survive just to spite. (My god, such dark thoughts...)
79. To be an angel amoungst demons. Analogy to demonstrate the absurdity.
80. Analogies in general to show the absurdity of capitalism, meat-eating, etc.
81. No amount of philosophy can replace human interactions....?
82. How awful it is to remember how awful the past was. Please misremember and pangloss it and have some nostalgia for a life that never was....
83. slow suicide through junk food, etc.
84. Subconsciously hoping for death.
85. chop chop, tick tock (pain, boredom) (fear, nihilism)
86. The strange sickness of music performed for a massive audience. All those people just standing around or "dancing" as they sometimes call it.
87. Does that which doesn't kill us make us stronger?
88. Cutting off the meaningless, the lies, such that there's nothing left but to sit at home alone.
89. Panglossianism
90. all novels are decadent. Short stories padded.
91. The real escape of escapist fiction is to simplistic 2D people.
92. exaggerated dystopia where people never speak to one another face to face
This takes me to Feb 14th, 2010. God what hell this is.
1. What makes people breakdown.
2. Demonization/suspicion/the inability to accurately assess what are and aren't actual threats.
3. Ugly thoughts that plague a person. Memory.
4. Revenge, the impossibility of it...
5. A world where everyone merely survives, how it crushes an elf.
6. Isolation.
7. A world that doesn't deserve to be saved.
8. All men not being themselves, forever afraid to appear "gay". Making sure to only do mere survival related things. To be less expressive, etc. To be stoic.
9. Afraid to try because of fear of failure.
10. Ways the selfish justify their behavior. The destruction of moral logic. Turn it into white and black. Morality becomes self interest. Morality becomes following post-industrial social norms. Etc.
11. The magical unknown. Animals, etc that don't speak. Fish rarely seen in the water. The dark. The forest full of leaves in the summer. Filling the unknown with infinity/god unconsiously.
12. The illogic of everything. Religionism and atheism. There is nothing actually that is logical. Choose your illogic.
13. The (neanderthal?) looking/searching the world for his kind. Realizing there appear to be none at all. And thus this world truly can't change. This world is actually, exactly how it should be for the people whom live in it. There's not really even a minority that wants it to change. It is hopeless.
14. That which can see more than it's own viewpoint. The androgynous person. The cat that acts like a dog. The athletic intellectual. Etc.
15. The feeling that you were destined for something which has been forever lost. (I was supposed to have been born and lived in the UK for example....)
16. Being worked to death.
17. Mistakenly assuming goodness on the part of others because one can't stand the reality. And/or Lovecraft's correlation (which is much larger, comes back to the necessity of illogic.)
18. Useful info? Useful odds and ends??? Blueberry smoothies help cure insomnia..???
19. Lord of the Flies. The essential nature of mankind...? Killing machines. Only altruistic to the extent small groups can then better kill others...
20. Mass culture being dumbed down. The more connected, the more of a monopoly, the more stupid the art.
21. Idiocracy. Evolving into stupidity. And/or the evolutionary edge. Too much intelligence makes one less likely to successfully reproduce. (Neanderthals were large/muscular, had red hair, larger brain capacities and did cross breed a little before going extinct... Wife says I am one.) Slavery probably should not be mentioned here. But serfdom/brutal capitalism...?
22. Misremembering the past. Panglossing it. Or at least thankfully forgetting it so that you can stand to repeat the same negatives over and over.
23. Panglossing reality. Learning to love capitalism. Or slavery. Or monarchism, etc.
24. The mindlessness/laziness of absolute morality as opposed to utilitarianism.
25. Being too busy barely surviving one's self to show consideration for others.
26. The closeminded. Removing whoever disagrees with you from your life. Post-industrial living. Instead of resolving differences just keep discarding to you find someone who is exactly the same as you. Until a couple years later when you've both changed and are no longer identical. At which point you then discard them and find some new person you're now identical to.
27. Weird ideas about bugs. Their surrealism.
28. Not having a clue about one's own sub/unconscious. Not even understanding what you yourself actually think. The atheist not realizing he's full of mystical thinking which is essential to him/her.
29. The power struggle of relationships. If one person perceives they are superior and the other feels inferior, the one is at ease and the other isn't. If they manage to feel relatively equal, then maybe no problem. If they don't feel equal, the relationship can't work. Either way. If even one feels inferior or superior, the relationship will be an ugly thing.
30. Controlling people through fear and the negative result.
31. The process of laughing
32. The process of falling asleep
33. The connection between falling asleep and laughing
34. psuedo democracy when billionaires own all the radio and TV combined with social isolation.
35. Planned obscelence(sp)
36. Making being off the grid illegal
37. Hard manual labor to stay sane
38. Simplicity is escapist. Simple characters are usually the heart of fantasy fiction.
39. Boredom is the result of a classification system. Dumb people don't get bored. But perhaps people with crude classification systems get bored more easily? Through classifying we don't live in the moment as much.
40. The genesis of mythical creatures
41. The disregarding of the unknown. Not treating it with reverence. Not caring about it. Like the men in the castle who burn the contents of each next room without having any idea what they might by destroying. No interest in learning.
42. Dislike of the assimilated weak. You make dystopia possible. TV show What Would You Do is all about indifference thanks primarily to fear.
43. How sick being close with only a single person is.
44. Prole evolution. Mere survival evolution
45. The heart of racism: being bad at accurately assessing threats. One errs towards suspicion.
46. Giving up on the grand party. Realizing there's nothing out there at all. Ending The Search. All is within or nowhere.
47. The degree of relevance of your dreams correlates to your happiness/mental 'health'.
48. The unknown is magic. Cats not speaking even.
49. In the real world, first time meetings are always very very boring. Must almost always not be realistic in fiction concerning this.
50. Piercing the obscurity of the minute processes of human life
51. escapism versus realism and the lie which brings us closer to the truth...
52. common enemy brings people together
53. Always slightly random but never pointless. (Art)
54. Subconsciously feeling like god is against you. (even as an proclaimed atheist)
55. ...with dying all stress can go away. No longer have to worry so much about the stuff of this world. Don't have to worry about how I'm spending my life. Because it's about done, too late now anyway.
But now, it's no longer too late. And this was a poorly spent day.
56. The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." Lovecraft
57. Can't be bothered to find the paper I wrote on... But when this life is no longer the grand stage, when this life is not The Place and instead just some time killed at the airport, when this life isn't The Life. When there really isn't any Grand Party that is being missed, when nothing Really Matters.... then death isn't so particularly bad. And then one is more able to enjoy time spent enjoying simple things. And one doesn't have such a Hypertrophied Soul...
58. The necessity of myopia for sanity/happiness.
59. Appearing intelligent (elegance) and purposely being incomprehensible in the university setting.
60. ...There is no point in trying to revenge oneself. "Everything will be forgotten. There will never be any redress for anything."
61. Whenever Ludvík finds himself in a group of people, he always wonders how many of them would be willing to send their fellow mortals to death, only because the collective has demanded this....
62. ...Kitsch is a beautiful lie, which hides all the negative aspects of life and deliberately ignores the existence of death....
63. The immorality of happiness in dystopia
64. The necessity of the word 'love' being so vague.
65. Memory, not endlessly repeating the same negative actions thanks to it. But being stuck endlessly remembering past negative actions thanks to it....
66. One reason to be closeminded: "You're nothing but a superficial shell. A husk of foozy(?) consciousness ready to be torn off at a moment's notice."
67. "hypertrophied souls" The need to do something special. Unable to lie back in the grass and happily watch the clouds go by.
68. Modern isolated society
69. "socialists" whom ensure capitalism by all their social norms. Going on about this or that issue yet isolationist, rugged individuals at heart, etc.
70. The key to happiness is significant, meaningful, lasting relationships.
71. Capitalsm Laws:
a. The majority always working just about as much as they can stand.
b. Middle Management(the overseers) can't be very smart. (Usually).
c. Short of technological innovation taking people "off the grid" it's highly unlikely to really bring people any more happiness. (Excepting some medical innovations.)
d. It's a system where the losers starve. It's fear based.
73. To speak the truth when it will do no good? (utilitarism vs. the deontological brave (lazy and self centered) martyr)
74. Demonization
75. Fake smiles-not a threat,considerate enough to keep it light and fluffy,
76. Humans as marionette's, every action just an act, social norms actor, everything is a lie. Your entire existence.
77. Light and fluffy/fake smile evolution taken to the concentration camp.
78. Creating malevolent god for whom you survive just to spite. (My god, such dark thoughts...)
79. To be an angel amoungst demons. Analogy to demonstrate the absurdity.
80. Analogies in general to show the absurdity of capitalism, meat-eating, etc.
81. No amount of philosophy can replace human interactions....?
82. How awful it is to remember how awful the past was. Please misremember and pangloss it and have some nostalgia for a life that never was....
83. slow suicide through junk food, etc.
84. Subconsciously hoping for death.
85. chop chop, tick tock (pain, boredom) (fear, nihilism)
86. The strange sickness of music performed for a massive audience. All those people just standing around or "dancing" as they sometimes call it.
87. Does that which doesn't kill us make us stronger?
88. Cutting off the meaningless, the lies, such that there's nothing left but to sit at home alone.
89. Panglossianism
90. all novels are decadent. Short stories padded.
91. The real escape of escapist fiction is to simplistic 2D people.
92. exaggerated dystopia where people never speak to one another face to face
This takes me to Feb 14th, 2010. God what hell this is.
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