....At the moment when I quit being aware of myself, when the conscious loses focus, when I start really falling asleep; at that moment my creativity really wakes up. Music starts playing.... Last night I went to the UK for just one second. I know it was the UK. The foilage was right. The smells were right. I'm partially colorblind and have almost no sense of smell but Here such things work like they could. I Know. Perhaps like Shirley Maclaine, haha, I know.

And here there is at least one person that I sense. That I've always sensed. I don't actually really know who. But I sense their consciousness/unconsciousness; their existence. And it is such a wonderful thing.

All for one second.

If it was an hour or a lifetime, my god, what a world that would be.

But after one second my conscious noticed what was going on and said, "Hey! Cool!" And it went away.

And then I let lose a single tear in that I had gone quite a while without this feeling. And that furthermore I think eventually it will be gone for good. That may have been the very last time for all I know... Perhaps I'm just getting old. Perhaps I'm surrounded by the wrong sorts of people. But what I know for sure; there is a "forbidden" knowledge here which I think is hurting... killing my creativity.

Very similar to my conscious looking at what I'm "thinking", to me waking back up. Very similarly the magic is dying. Maybe I shouldn't even talk of it.