45 minutes into my run today my right hip started hurting. I recalled this friend of my wife's-a former marine who replaced her third grenade with a makeup kit in Iraq-saying running with weights was really bad for the joints. I said, "Oh no, as long as I keep my form right I'm OK..." So here I was running with good form, muscles not even slightly tired and my hip is hurting. Probably it's a 99% chance that this isn't a one time anomaly. Almost certainly I'll need to change something I'm thinking.

So I thought about it some. Went up to 6 lb weights today which is really nothing. I used to jog with a 40lb pack with no problem. But, actually as the weight comes down in my right hand, it's picking up momentum and hits it's lowest point exactly as my right foot hits the ground and is actually a lot more than 6 lbs. It's rising and falling a lot more than the rest of my body. Furthermore-and I think more importantly-it's possibly making my body want to spin ever so slightly to the right at this moment. That could be the real hip issue. Surely my ancestors spent a lot of time running while carrying things. But maybe not so much heavy stuff that neatly fit into each separate hand.

Last summer I had the same issue with hip pain but dismissed it as the result of a change in form. It was last summer that I had first tried running with hand weights....

So I ran about 45 minutes with increasing hip pain. And finally I just threw the hand weights down.

Then it was like a libertarian propaganda story I once read. This person is at the ballet and the pretty ballerinas have to wear masks and dance badly so that everyone's equal. Then somehow this young guy comes running into the theater. He's 7 feet tall and hugely muscled. And weighed down with weights so he's equal with everyone else. He's escaped from somewhere I think...

He grabs a ballerina and rips her mask off. The audience gasps at how beautiful she is. He rips off the weights attached to himself and they start dancing. They eventually start floating up above the stage as people gasp in awe.

Then the police rush in and shoot them dead.

Libertarian propaganda.

("And the forest is all kept equal. By hatchet, axe and saw!")

I chuck the weights down and suddenly it's a combination of moon gravity and fast forward. And I just fly all the way back to the car. And by the time I get to the car the hip pain has gone away.

I'll have to find something else to do for my arms.
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You think I'm wrong but you know that you'll lose a disagreement with me about it if you voice the disagreement. Not because I'm right but because I'm a 'better debater'. You think I'll just manage to confuse you or something to 'win' the disagreement. So, instead, you just say to hell with me.

You think that no one ever changes their mind because you've virtually never done so. Certainly not as a result of talking to someone about a disagreement.

So, instead, you just say to hell with me. No explanation. Nothing. Gone. Never ever anything. Forever.

It appears to me to be yet another in the endless stream of indifference monsters. Another nazis descendant. In a world overflowing.

And of the 1000 or so people in my hick high school the smartest few ended up freaking christian libertarians.

And my wife thinks me saying I don't want her to be my everything is some kind of negative thing. Wanting her to be or her being my everything puts us in a disgusting dystopia.

And I just took some stupid test that supposedly is harder than the ACT. I think I got a perfect score.

And I checked out the triple nines society once (I only managed 99.85%) and it looked like a sad joke anyway.

Tick Tock.

Chop chop counters the tick tock. When you focus on the tick tock you can forget about the chop chop and talk about social taboos like how smart you are and/or unhappy. What the hell does any of it matter anyway? Tick Tock.

Then later you focus on the chop chop for a while. Backstabbing at work, etc. Money worries. What did Harvey Pekar say? He moaned and groaned so much you'd think I could easily find a good quote. But I can't at the moment. 'Working so hard to survive to die'. Something like that.
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...when you make the smile to say that you're not a threat. You are taking part in violence. You are recognizing it's existence.

I am anyway.

When you talk on the phone. There is often a correct vocal tone that you must use to do the same. To say you're not a threat. Again, to me, my mind is screaming to me what this is. This vocal tone I am supposed to use. I know what it is. I know it's meaning. It's about violence.

And with talking on the phone to a superior you must communicate that you'd be so happy to jump and dance around at their beck and call. So full of energy I am master. Yesss Masterrrr.

Etc.

The volume and pitch, possibly some other qualities, The Ape in the Corner Office talks about it. I knew it before so very well. Most noticeably with my wife who simpers perfectly in the presence of her 'superiors'. She's doing exactly what she should do. And it's like nails on a chalkboard because I know exactly what it is. It's a part of hierarchies. It's force over reason. It's about violence.

We have to both do it correctly and try like all hell to not think about what we're doing. Because the truth of it is awful.