There is mere survival and then there are silly games. And I suppose some things are a bit of both.

The things that interests me primarily are the ways in which humankind is not going about their interactions in the best possible manner. And I guess I would like to see the world change. Even just experimentally, potentially painful experiments to try to find better ways.

For some reason or other I want to write. Probably in part because I want to see the world change, in part because I've spent time thinking of ways in which we're really not going about things the right way. Maybe in an ever so slightly original way I think I've thought about it... Also in part because I do have such vague visions in my head which I want to come into being... Also in part for an uglier reason, that it could potentially be a fun escape; a turning away from the world...

Of course I want to write about the things which interest me. But, I cannot write with the goal of changing any damm thing at all. To do so ruins the process. Not only can in make it preachy, polemical crap, but it personally makes it sheer stupid drudgery to bother.

A good conception of creating art is thinking in terms of finding meaning within chaos. Scattering the tea leaves or whatever. Starting with some randomness and then shaping it. Finding meaning/order within it. And ending up with something which is better than the person who created it; something which is actually beyond the ...working ...wisdom/knowledge of the person who created it.

No matter how intelligent the starting point. No matter how solid the foundation, no matter how systematic the steps, there is always a randomness in art; always a chaos at the beginning.

What I seem to primarily find enjoyable in "messing around" with music is finding meaning within chaos.

Although with writing the symbols and/or the ideas must be the ones which happen to interest me, (like obsolete evolutionary traits), I absolutely cannot write as if I want to see anything in the real world change at all as a result despite the fact that I also do really happen to want exactly that. I say this not even really in the sense of worrying about it being decently good writing. But simply in the sense of finding it enjoyable to do. And finding it enjoyable is crucial. It is everything.

Looking for meaning within chaos. And I think I'm saying utterly ignore any audience but myself. (Which would I guess go against normal thinking, if that is what I actually mean, which I don't actually know.) But then, I think for art to be most valid, it has to be something which is successful even if no one but the artist ever sees or hears it. That is the correct way to make it in my opinion... it would seem. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary of known artists.

So I have to strangely not care about exactly what it is I most care about, while not ending up destroying what I care about...