Was thinking about Van Gogh cutting off his ear and how I read articles long ago speculating he had some bizarre ear related illness, lol. On one or two occasions I've felt anguish over how some person (some women) have treated me to the extent that I happened to remember Van Gogh sending his ear to a woman and it made perfect sense to me. He was trying to get her to understand how much she was hurting him; that she was literally day by day through her indifference slowly killing him.

Now, being able to understand the action clearly in my mind, understand the symbolic meaning of it, is pretty different from actually doing such a thing. That had to hurt like hell; cutting off your ear. I've gone as far as to burn out my brain slightly with anguish. To the point that I couldn't manage to remember some computer password at work.

And then there's stalking. I wouldn't want to ever be accused of that! I've managed to to not do such a thing despite being able to understand exactly what Van Gogh was going on about. So you know, find some philosophical stoic way to not be too anguished about the infinite indifference of people.

Wrote the rough draft of a short story last night called God's Fingers about such a route, such a "solution."

Then there's Spock: Was thinking about how in real life everyone in his office place would hate his guts. I guess like Bones did but much more so and not so honestly. Everyone destroying his reputation behind his back... They'd hate him for being different. For being cold. For his stony expression. For being more intelligent, more competent. I picture Kirk coming up to him and informing him they have to "let him go." And then he's got his belongings in a box and is getting escorted off the Starship Enterprise, muttering "highly illogical."
Thinking of Spock with relation to Aspergers Syndrome.

And of both of these interesting men (obviously Van Gogh somewhere along the line had an issue) with regards to the following question: to what extent are our thoughts made invalid by some "mental illness" being attached to us? Not so much a problem as a painter, but what if you were a psychologist/philosopher? Then, if you wanted to be taken seriously, you'd better hide your "issues." Often wonder about Freud with regards to that. He said some bizarre things. I wonder if he had anything he hid about himself.

Anyone who does anything original/unique has probably ultimately got something "wrong" with them. Does that make what they've done something to be dismissed? It depends on what it is.

If they've got some massive societal critique going where they're trying to convince people to go about their lives some other way, it might.

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I really like that song/loop I wrote. I love so much about music the idea of multiple things happening at once or very quickly in sequence at least. It's like seeing so many points of view all at once or almost at once. I think of it like reaching some greater wisdom or being "godlike." Being aware of everything in existence at once.

So... the more stuff happening in a song at once, the better. And it doesn't even have to be all that musical. Can just slap some typical pop style form on to it. With some distant strings that have a sense of order to them. But then mostly, just a ton of noises that reach our synethesia. A person crying, sighing, coughing, laughing, screaming. Endless other noises. Some which suggests magical creatures. Etc. Just throw them all together in a sequencer and sit back and let it hit you.

Ahhhh. Feels so good to me. I like that song/loop I wrote about as well as Skinny Puppy's Convulsion even though it's maybe 1/30th the work. I keep on listening to it. Maybe should have looped it longer.

It's just random unfortunately. I would like to start with lyrics and attempt to make it more logically symbolic. 'cept my voice is wrong. It's like Weird Al Yankovic trying to do industrial.