chop chop, tick tock
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hell analogies... they're the way forward. But actually just about everything already is a hell analogy, it's only necessary to reflect privately upon it. Still, want to write a book called 'Hell'. A bunch of stories only slightly connected where Hell is more noticeable.

I enjoy life so much better if I just think I'm already in a sort of hell. Nobody's trying to turn hell into utopia or worrying too much about how awful it is and why can't others see? Why don't they try to do something other than just accept that this is how things are? If you recognize that this is hell and not utopia and never can ever be anything remotely like utopia and that all the things that would make "life" "meaningful" just don't exist here in hell, then you can get down to the just managing to survive without getting too particularly worked up about all the crap you're constantly put through.

I have actually gone years at a time doing exactly that in the past. Believing an evil god was trying to kill me was living as if I knew I was in hell. It was a happy time. Believing that the dog eat dog world of capitalism is the best of all possible worlds is a sort of belief that you're in hell. Many are managing something like that. Perhaps the very ability to not have an imagination comes out to being about the equivalent of living as if you believe you're in hell... Happy enough.
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Missed my run Saturday night as I was too tired from my 15 hour day. Missed it again Sunday as I was delirious from my 15 hour day. Finally ran today, Monday, further and faster than ever before. Maybe starting to push things too much. But I very much want to go a bit faster than I am. Dips haven't improved last few times. About 23. Although bodyweight is closer to 245 than 235.
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Went out Friday night with D and husband. D doesn't have any coherent designs on me. It's just when she gets drunk... She pinched my ass while I was playing pool. Finally occurred to me Sunday night that that was highly inappropriate behavior on her part.

I just want to occasionally do something other than sit home alone reading, etc. I figure eventually her husband will get pissed at me. I outweigh him by 100 pounds but he'll probably break a beer bottle over my head or something. So far he's been a really nice guy though. But I hear like so many, he occasionally gets into fights when drunk.

Never ever have I gotten into a fight while drunk. I wonder why I'm not affected in that way. I don't think I've ever even been angry while inebriated(sp).

I had thought the thought processes that matter the least to you give out first when drunk. For me my eyesight and hearing usually give out first and I slur my speech. Do so many people secretly just want to go around beating each other up? If nothing else I know I wouldn't fight as well when drunk.
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Finally that one smearer actually criticized the way I walked from my car into the hospital Saturday morning. With a smile like it was funny. I was "shleping." I pretended it was funny and did an exaggerageted Jim Carrey drunk walk.

She's just like everyone else. Has both good and bad in her. Hardly trying to be an evil person.

The other smearer told me a story about how after working at a hospital for 15 years her boss brought her into the office one day and accused her of deliberately ignoring the boss when she walked past and said hello. (She didn't actually do this.) She got a written warning for this. She asked how in the world was she supposed to respond to such an accusation. She figured she could starting crying, burst out laughing, or do what she did, just with a stony face say, "I'll try to do better."

I told her something along the lines of crying would have worked better. Try to seem upset at least and apologize profusely. Make the boss feel that she had successfully brought her down a few rungs.

This "smearer" is of course also not some kind of evil lady. Far from it. It's just how people are. They mostly really try to be good.