Work

So then there's this one lady at work who is always moaning and groaning about how much she hates her job; how she wishes she just worked at WalMart instead. I tried to cheer her up and talk about how positive the work is that we're doing. And that I've had a lot of jobs in the past and really this one is not so bad... Honestly I like it the most of any job I've had by far.

So, she keeps trying to convince me that once I become a nurse I'll see, it's horrible. And then, of course, I'm disagreeing with her instead of just saying, "Yeah, wow, this job sucks!" (While I'm trying to be positive mind you, as among other things I'm still trying to get through college. Along with the fact that relatively speaking it actually is a decent job.) So she starts getting annoyed with me. And then one single time I didn't get some venodyne boots fast enough because I had 4 other things I was doing and then the person went down for two hours for an MRI. So now she uses that as an example of how if that happened as a nurse they could fire me, etc. But there's more, she then starts going on about how I'll make a bad nurse, etc, and smearing me behind my back. Simply because I didn't agree that yeah this job sucks, what the hell am I thinking going to college so that I can do this for a living? I should quit and go make my 10 dollars an hour for the rest of my life with no health insurance at WalMart.

So now I'm getting smeared because I like my job. (Nurses aide.) By a person who other people had in turn been smearing for asking too many questions when she first started here. At that time I defended her and went out of my way to help her with all her questions concerning the various workings of this particular hospital. Asking over and over again about phone numbers instead of just writing them down for example.

So I defend her and go out of my way to be nice to her. And then apparently based on trying to cheer her up and be positive about work she in turn is now smearing me behind my back and claiming I forget to do things (based on the single example of the venodyne boots), etc.

Which manages to put me in a melancholy mood to a slight extent.

Which, as a result of then being a bit melancholy, immediately some other nurse is on my case, ridiculously, saying I must hate my job. Probably I shouldn't go into nursing; smearing me behind my back in such a manner. This despite me being one of the most positive people at this hospital for the last year.

I guess if they sit down to smear me together they might have to coordinate their smear stories a bit. As according to the one I love my work and to the other I hate it.

I suppose that could make a halfway humorous story. The two sitting down in the break area. The one starts smearing me. The other starts in. Do they directly contradict each other? Or does the one just keep to herself that the other is clearly saying what is actually the exact opposite of my actual attitude.

A story I probably won't bother to write. It all just tires me.

Such smears go on endlessly. Of course agaisnt everyone. Not just me. I'm always amazed by it. That, they think it's OK to smear some other person when that one person isn't present but still plenty of other people are, like they've no idea they look like a witch to act that way.

I know they smear me too. Absolutely no doubt about that. And most likely they smear me more than average. Because I seem really smart. And that bothers people. I'm sure they'd all appreciate it if I seemed a little bit dumber. As it is, no matter I act like Ghandi I'm probably still on the edge of getting lynched as an elitist.

If I only I could cry at work. Cry in the appropriate manner. Not nervous breakdown crying. There is a way that women manage to cry that is still relatively acceptable. They'd love to see me come down a notch in that way. As simply by seeming intelligent, etc, I bother them. If only I could be degraded somehow.

I don't have such crying in me period. Not remotely. Perhaps I can think up some other way where in their eyes I can be humilated sufficiently that they'll find some other target they can move on to without actually destroying me.

Acting dumb (but not too dumb!) is useful. And I do try to do that. I always try to put myself down. Never ever say anything good about myself.

I guess I have to work on my acting though in that I'm too stoic. I need to seem more affected by their machinations.