I've wondered why the old christians tried to make enjoyment of sex a sin; saying that it must solely be for procreation purposes. I had thought one reason is just tied to the idea of this world being a mere blink of the eye; an extremely short brutal bit of nastiness which is nothing in the face of eternal heaven. The idea being somewhat tied into one of those eastern religions where by not seeking any material enjoyment you are also less susceptible to the negative feelings of this world. Well whatever.

Another possibility that is less out there and perhaps more practical. (Although before pain killers, etc that was a very useful idea and ultimately still is.) Quite simply humans can't handle highly enjoyable things like sex/love. We get so crazy that we endlessly fight and kill one another over such things. Like buying your children some toy and they fight and fight over it so you finally give up and just get rid of the toy. Or like I recall a tribe of apes were given a bunch of bananas (a delicacy for that particular tribe) and they had a huge fight as a result. The humans decided to not give them any more bananas.

So then it was decided to attempt to just take sex away from humans. You could have sex just with one single person to reproduce (but don't have fun!) and that's it. This instead of endless fighting and ultimately ending up like some types of monkeys with their alpha male having all the women. Or like the middle east harems or the Mormon bigamists. (What about all the other men? Awful situation.)

So they tried to take sex away. But for most people it wasn't really so possible to still be procreating while making sure to not enjoy it. So it became.... more or less OK to enjoy it provided you were only doing it with one single person. No free love. And, well, I think homosexuality may have become so frowned upon in the process as they can't claim they're trying to reproduce.

There are other possibilities but I think this may be the primary reason. Humans just can't share very well. So it's best to just take away such a beautiful thing from them. Otherwise they go back to true alpha male monkey arrangements/Mormom bigamy and/or endlessly killing one another.

So then I'm supposed to never find any other women then my wife attractive. I used to think that I could indeed just not think of anyone else as a sexual, sensual, beautiful creature and could instead just focus on them as if they were a disembodied brain.

I'm coming to the conclusion that such just actually isn't natural. And that actually, pretty much anyone who I genuinely like as a human being, I should ultimately find them physically attractive also.

So then there is the issue of this idea that men and women can't be 'friends'. A married man can't just be friends with some other woman. Indeed, once I really know some other women and really genuinely like them, I can't pretend they're a disembodied brain.

So I'm sitting in a movie theater with my wife on my left and S on the right. (sigh). I'm sorry I've already been married for a decade and unfortunately my wife would not like the thoughts in my head so much at the moment. I don't particularly hide my thoughts from my wife. I don't hide that I find other women attractive. She knows I find S attractive. But... maybe better for her to not understand exactly what I'm thinking as I'm sitting here in this dark theater with her and S on each side... A big part of the problem (FWIW) is that S is a 28 year old virgin. She's a bit unusual and not too many men I guess find her attractive. This appeals to my compassion/pity? I think if she were conventionally attractive and had had all kinds of boyfriends I'd have done better at just finding her "theoretically" pretty and practically speaking a disembodied brain. As things stand, what I'm thinking is now unfortunately going off in a ...not so good direction. She's 28 and practically never even been kissed. For me, the sort of person I am, that makes it incredibly difficult to ignore finding her attractive as it's like just being indifferent to someone in need.